Small Miracles
by Miss Mudpie
Summary: It's not every day someone returns from the dead. Speculation for Season 4. KL. Rating may change.
1. Chapter 1

Obviously not mine. Based on speculation for Season 4.

I used to be Lady Mudpie. I wrote one story a long time ago that I never finished. Hopefully I'll have better luck this time around.

Cottle snuffed out his cigarette in the nearest bedpan as he entered the waiting area. It wasn't every day his sickbay was visited by so many people.

Then again, it wasn't every day that someone returned from the dead.

He waited a moment before announcing his presence to observe the people milling around. The Admiral was seated, staring into space. Next to him was the President, her hand resting gently on the Admiral's thigh, in comfort. The younger Adama was leaning against the wall, eyes closed, fist clenched at his sides. Set a bit apart from the others, the Agathons were involved in their own private conversation, carried out in whispers. The air was quiet, but foreboding. The calm before the storm.

Cottle entered, and the hurricane began.

He let them barrage him with questions for exactly seven seconds- he knew, because he counted instead of listening to the visitors- and then held up his hands. They instantly stilled. Cottle mentally smirked. "She's alive and conscious. That's really all I can say right now. We're waiting for the test results to come back. She wants to see Lt. Agathon only."

Helo immediately started moving but Cottle caught his arm. "What?" he asked impatiently.

"I said LT. Agathon, Captain. She's asking for your wife."

No one in the room was more shocked than Lt. Sharon Agathon herself. "Why?"

Cottle rolled his eyes. "How the hell am I supposed to know? She just said you. Now if you'll excuse me, I need a cigarette." With that the doctor left the waiting area. Sharon hesitated for a moment, looking at her husband.

Helo gave her nod and squeezed her hand reassuringly. "Tell her I say hi."

She smiled. "I will." As she entered sickbay proper, the remaining four visitors slowly retreated to their individual corners.

Sharon silently pulled up a chair and looked down at the patient lying in the bed. Her hair had grown out again- not as long as it had been after New Caprica, but still a few inches past her shoulders. Eyes closed, she appeared to be sleeping. She had the hospital blankets pulled up to her chest. The machines monitoring her vitals blinked silently. Sharon sat still, and prepared to wait.

"I wasn't sure you would come," Kara said after a moment, eyes still closed.

"I was too surprised not to."

Kara smiled at that and opened her eyes. "I bet you weren't the only one." Her and Sharon's relationship had been a complex one. It was only after New Caprica that Kara began to warm up to her- in part because of Helo, and in part because no one else was really willing to put up with Kara's Post-Traumatic Stress. Still, they were not best friends, not even close. Yet when Cottle finally gave in and said Kara could have a visitor, she couldn't think of anyone else she'd rather have than Sharon.

"I heard you were piloting the Raptor that picked me up."

"Yeah."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome." Sharon cocked her head to the side. "But you didn't ask for me to come back here just to thank me, did you?"

"No." Kara paused for a moment before continuing. "I needed someone who knew what I was going through."

"I thought so. You need to talk to a Cylon."

Surprise jumped to Kara's face, followed quickly by a small measure of embarrassment. "Gods, Sharon, no. I wasn't even thinking that." She took a deep breath before continuing. "I needed to talk to a mother."

Now it was Sharon's turn to be surprised. "What?"

Kara removed the blanket to reveal a small but distinct mound. She placed he hands protectively on either side.

"Oh God Kara," Sharon breathed.

Kara nodded. "I'm pregnant."


	2. Chapter 2

"How?" Sharon finally asked. It was all she could think to say. In her stomach she couldn't help but feel a little guilt. Although she had cut herself out of that life, she was still a part of the people who did this to Kara. It seemed they had finally finished that which they had started nearly two years ago on Caprica.

Kara shook her head. "I've got my theories. Doc's testing them right now."

"What are you going to do with it?"

Kara absently stroked her protruding belly. "How's Hera?"

The question caught Sharon off-guard. "She's fine."

"Tell me about her."

Sharon wasn't quite sure where to start. "She's been walking for a while now. Starting to talk too. Likes to say 'no' a lot."

"How do people react to her?"

Sharon shrugged. "Ok, I guess. There are still some people who avoid her, but the ones that matter love her."

Kara nodded, lost in thought for a moment. Abruptly she said, "I can't have a Cylon baby."

"I wouldn't ask you to."

"But you and Helo are raising Hera…"

"Yeah," Sharon snorted. "We're also _married_. Hera was made out of love. She wasn't made in a test tube and then forced into me. Kara, what they did to you…You shouldn't have to live with that. No one should." She paused for a moment, collecting herself after her small tirade. "Is that what Cottle is testing?"

"Yeah," Kara nodded. "If it's a Cylon he'll abort it immediately. Before anyone else has a chance to see me like this."

"If he's even bothering to run a test, that means you aren't sure it is a Cylon."

"It's not."

Sharon looked at her puzzled. "What do you mean? How do you know?"

"I don't, not for sure. But I…I feel it, you know?"

"Not really," Sharon began as Cottle entered the room.

"It's human," he said without preamble.

Kara smiled at Sharon before turning her attention to Cottle. "Did you do the other test?"

"Yes. And you were right about the paternity." He took one last drag of his cigarette before extinguishing it and sitting on the bed. "I'm well aware of the law," he said in a hushed voice. "But if you want, we can still go through with the procedure."

"No," Kara answered instantly.

"You've been gone five months. You're going to have to readjust to life here. Not to mention that you're a pretty valuable asset to this Fleet. This is going to keep you out of the cockpit for a good long while."

"I understand all that. But I'm not aborting it."

Cottle sighed. "Think about it." Then he turned and left.

Sharon looked at Kara. The blond woman was staring at her stomach, but this time her face was full of joy and awe. She stroked it gently.

"Maybe you should listen to him," Sharon began. Kara stared at her like she'd just lost her mind. "Hear me out. You were a mess after New Caprica. You're still suffering from that. And now you have to deal with this bout of trauma. Do you really think you're up to raising this baby? By yourself?"

Kara was silent for a few minutes. When she finally spoke, it was in a voice Sharon had never heard her use before. It was quiet, low, confident…mature. "This time wasn't like before. I got to put some stuff to rest. Yeah, they tried to knock me up….But I also learned a lot about myself. This is my child. I'm having it." She turned back to her stomach and muttered almost to herself, "Besides, I'm not killing another one."

"Another one?" Sharon asked, confused. "Kara, you've never been pregnant."

Kara shook her head. "Not another baby," she said. "Another Adama."


	3. Chapter 3

This is short, but I wanted to post something. In response to the reviews: first, thanks for the positive feedback! Second, sorry if this story is kinda cryptic so far. I like to take my time setting things up, and let the readers discover things on their own. To avoid total confusion, though, this story takes place in Season Four and deals with the rumored outcome of the episode airing in two weeks. I have the story pretty much planned out, and it'll hopefully have some surprises.

PS- can anyone tell me how to make spaces and breaks in the text? It should be apparent in this chapter where the break is, but it's still driving me crazy not having actual spaces! Thanks!!

In the waiting area minutes ticked by like hours. In the thirty-six minutes that had passed since Sharon stepped back to see Kara, not one person had spoken. Helo had been tempted, once, but one look at the faces of both Adama men caused him to bite his tongue.

It was funny, in that not quite humorous way, how they each loved Kara in their own unique ways. Sharon had mentioned, once, that the concept of the Trinity was central to the Cylons' religion. Looking around the room, Helo thought how he and the Adamas made up Kara's own personal Trinity- Father, Friend, Lover. All the men who cared for her were in the room.

Except her husband.

That thought hit Helo like a Raider and finally forced him to speak. "Has anyone called Sam?"

Lee physically flinched. The Admiral looked confused for a moment, as if he wasn't sure who this Sam fellow was. Neither spoke.

It fell to Roslin to make the first move. "I don't believe he has been notified. Do you know what ship he is on, Captain?"

Helo paused a moment. It had been almost five months since he'd last spoken to Sam. Not since the funeral.

"He's on the _Olympus_." Lee spoke for the first time, quietly, through clenched teeth. His eyes remained closed.

Silence reigned for a handful of moments. "I'll go call the captain then. See if I can get a hold of Sam," said Helo.

Again neither Adama moved, leaving Roslin to play both family matriarch and the voice of reason. "Thank you captain, I think that would be quite helpful." A look of disgust danced across Lee's face at that, but he quickly recovered his stony expression.

Helo stepped out of the waiting area to make what would surely be one of the more uncomfortable calls of his life.

"It's Lee's?" Sharon still couldn't believe what was happening. Two hours ago Kara was dead, and now she was here, alive and pregnant.

Kara rolled her eyes. "No, it's the Old Man's," she said sarcastically. "Don't let Madame Prez know. I don't think I could take her like this."

Yes, Kara was very much alive, Sharon thought with a laugh. "You might have had trouble with her even if you were at full strength." Off Kara's confused look, Sharon continued. "After Baltar was found not guilty…"

"Baltar's innocent?" Kara interrupted incredulously.

"Yeah, we were all pretty shocked by that one. Anyways, after that, Baltar turned to Roslin and tried to shake her hand. Kinda gloated about his verdict. She _punched him_."

Kara gasped. "She didn't!"

Sharon nodded. "Yup. Once in the face and once in the stomach. She would have done more damage but the Old Man held her back. Luckily there wasn't any press around. I only know because Helo was there to see it all. He said it took every bit of military training not to laugh."

For the first time since coming back from the dead, Kara laughed. "I wish I could have been there." That thought sobered her. "What else have I missed?"

"You want to know everything, or just about certain people?" Sharon asked, even though she already knew the answer.

"Tell me about them," Kara said.

Sharon didn't need to ask who "them" were. Quietly, frankly, she caught Kara up on the lives of the Adama men.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Thanks for all the spacing tips! This chapter and the next (which is almost done and might be posted later tonight) are considerably longer than the previous three. Hope you enjoy!

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Laura Roslin never meant to choose a career over having a family. As a young woman, fresh out of university, she thought she would eventually find a man to settle down with, have a few children, watch them grow. But somehow her life path didn't weave that way. Oh, she'd had lovers, but none she wanted to grow old with. And she'd had children- many of them- but only between 8am and 2:30pm. At the end of the day, she always returned to her apartment, alone.

It was somewhat fitting, then, that it took the end of the worlds and quite possibly the biggest career promotion ever before Laura Roslin, President of the Twelve Colonies, finally found her family. Well, actually, it was more like the Adamas found her.

An hour had passed since Sharon had left. Helo was gone too, trying to track down Anders. Laura knew she should be going; she had meeting with Zarek scheduled and a mountain of paperwork to look through. But she couldn't bear to leave the two men alone in the waiting room. When Bill covered her hand with his own, she knew she would be there for the long haul.

She squeezed hid hand gently and turned to face him. His expression was impenetrable. "What are you thinking Bill?" she asked.

He smiled ruefully. "I'm wondering how many more miracles Starbuck has in her."

"How do you mean?"

"She always comes back," he said quietly. "She crashes on a moon and flies a Raider home. She went back to Caprica, twice, and came back." He sighed. "If we'd only looked for her, maybe we wouldn't have had to wait five months for her to finally come home again."

"Don't tell me you feel guilty," said Laura. Bill shrugged. "Bill," she whispered. "Bill, there was no reason to look for her. You had to protect the Fleet. There was no way of knowing she would survive."

"I know. We just," he sighed. "Kara and I weren't on the best of terms when she died. If I'd known sooner…"

Laura squeezed his hand again, stronger this time. "Your daughter is home Bill. You can make things right, both of you can."

Just then Sharon stepped into the waiting room. She looked…Laura wasn't sure how to describe it. A little shocked, but mostly drained. She wondered what the two women had talked about for so long.

"She's fine," Sharon assured them. She looked at Lee first, then the Admiral. "She says she'd like to see you- both of you- but only…Well, she left it up to you, Sirs."

Neither man moved.

Oh for the Lords' sakes, Laura thought. Sometimes her family annoyed the hell out of her. She stood abruptly.

"Admiral Adama. Captain Apollo," she said, using the name she had given Lee so long ago. "Kara Thrace- the woman you once crippled the Fleet to find- has just returned from the dead. She's asking to see you. Are you really going to just sit here and keep her waiting?" She took a deep breath and went in for the kill. "I thought you to be braver than that. More importantly, I thought you to be _better men_ than that." Father and son exchanged embarrassed glances as Laura continued. "Now one of you is going in there, _now_, even if I have to enlist Lt. Agathon's help in dragging you in there." She stared at the men in front of her.

"Lee?" Adama asked.

Lee shook his head and his voice was strained. "I can't. Not yet."

Adama nodded as he stood. "Madame President, if you'll excuse me then. It seems I have some matters to attend to."

Laura smiled reassuringly at him. As he passed her she reached out to squeeze his hand one last time. "I'll be right here Bill," she whispered.

"Thank you Laura," he replied. He paused at the door, then pushed it open and walked into sickbay.

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"_Your daughter is home Bill."_

Laura's words echoed through Adama's head as he approached Kara's bed. _His daughter._ Originally he'd thought of her as that in memory of Zak. Although their marriage had never really occurred, Adama thought Kara deserved the distinction of daughter-in-law. But as the years slipped by, he'd found that the "in-law" part had somehow been dropped. Kara had been his daughter, perhaps not by blood or law, but in all the ways that really mattered.

And then New Caprica had happened. And the Exodus.

And they had fallen apart.

Adama paused at the curtain. It would be easy to lie, to go back out and tell Laura Kara had been sleeping.

"I can see your shadow," a voice called from behind the partition.

Caught, Adama drew in a deep breath and pulled the curtain open.

"Sir," Kara said immediately, straightening up as best she could in the bed and offering a salute. Adama noticed her wince as the action pulled her IV tube.

"At ease," he said automatically.

They stared at each other for a few minutes, silent tension pervading the room. Adama noticed her lower lip start to quiver.

"Sir, I'm so sorry." It was all Kara could get out before a sob escaped her throat. That was Adama's breaking point as well. The tears he'd held back since her funeral sprang to his eyes. He sat on the bed and wrapped her in his arms.

His daughter was home.

After a long while they pulled back, but Adama kept a hold of Kara's hands.

"I think I got snot on your jacket," she said.

They both laughed, more in relief of actually seeing each other again. "There's a nugget who can't make the trap," Adama told her. "We'll make him wash it."

She smiled at that.

Adama finally looked down at her abdomen. He had felt something when he hugged her and the visible bump there confirmed it. "What's this?" he asked.

Kara smiled even wider. "A baby," she said. "Don't worry, Cottle checked. Human across the board," she quickly assured him.

"Whose is it?"

"Mine, Sir." She gave him a look that told Adama to drop the subject.

"May I?" he asked. Kara nodded. Carefully Adama touched her stomach.

"I get the feeling this is gonna be happening a lot more often," Kara stated.

Adama smiled. "We don't get to many babies on a Battlestar."

"We don't get to many babies period these days," Kara pointed out.

"Did you know before?"

"No. I didn't find out til a few weeks afterwards. When the Cylons did some tests."

"So they got you again."

Kara gave him a perplexed look. "Again, Sir?"

"Don't Kara," Adama warned. "Tigh told what happened to you on New Caprica. I know about Leoben. I know about Kacey." Kara nodded. "I would have helped you Kara. Why didn't you tell me what happened to you?"

Kara shrugged and looked down at her lap. "You never asked."

Adama's heart broke a little at that. She was right, he had never asked. He'd just assumed her downward spiral was her attitude kicking into overdrive. It had been easier to cut her off than reach out. Slowly, he reached out and smoothed her hair behind her ear. It was a motion he seemed to do every time they reunited.

"I'm asking now," he said. "What did they do to you this time?"

Kara sighed. "It's a long story. Tried to knock- impregnate me. Luckily me and- Luckily _I'd_ beat them to that. One of them helped me escape from the Basestar. It took us about a month before we found the Fleet again." She paused. "It wasn't like New Caprica," she said. "I don't want to go into it right now, but… There were things I hadn't let go of. Things from when I was a kid. I got to put that to rest."

Adama nodded. "And now?"

Kara straightened again. "Sir," she began. "I know I was struggling before, and I know being pregnant is going to keep me out of Vipers for a while. But I want to be a Colonial Officer again. I can still teach, I can still do repairs. And after the birth, I will work even harder than when I frak- messed up my knee to get back in the cockpit. I want another chance Sir. Please."

Adama considered her for a moment. "How long you been planning that speech, Starbuck?" he asked. His face remained serious, but his tone was teasing.

She grinned. "'Bout an hour," she answered honestly.

"Well Captain," Adama said. "Once Cottle clears you, I'll have Apollo put you into the Maintenance Rotation. We've got a new group of nuggets scheduled to begin Basic Flight in nine days. If that's too soon…"

"It's not," Kara interrupted with barely suppressed glee. "I want to get back to work. I want to get my life back."

Adama nodded. "Good." He stood. "Do you want to see Lee now?"

A bit of panic rippled across her face, but Kara still nodded. "But only if he wants," she said.

Adama laughed. "I think the President will see to it that he does. She can be fierce when she wants to be."

"I heard about her and Baltar."

"Yes. It was a pity I had to stop her." They both laughed.

As he turned to leave, Kara asked, "Are we better now Sir?"

Adama leaned down and kissed her forehead. Kara felt the tears return again.

"The cat's been gone a long time, Starbuck. It's time for us all to come in from the rain."


	5. Chapter 5

In the waiting area Lee waited with mixed emotions for his father to return. On the one hand, the longer his father took, the longer Lee could put off seeing Kara. But the anticipation that had been building since her first sighting on DRADIS was about to kill him. The moment Adama had stepped back Lee regretted sending his father in first.

He couldn't wait to see Kara, and yet he was dreading it in every bone in his body.

He heard the door to sickbay open and watched his father come into the waiting room. His eyes were slightly puffy; it was clear he had been crying. The President stood to offer comfort.

Lee knew he couldn't hide any more.

He received a short reprise as the door exiting sickbay opened and Helo stepped in.

"Captain," Adama spoke. "Any word from Anders?"

Helo nodded. "It took a while, but we finally got a hold of him. Not surprisingly, he's pretty eager to get over here."

"When's the next shuttle run?"

"Not til the morning."

Adama nodded. "Helo, Athena," he addressed his Raptor pilots. "This has been a long day for us all. Would you please pick-up Anders and bring him here?"

The Agathons saluted in tandem.

"Let me just tell the sitter we'll be a while more," said Sharon as she exited the room.

"I'll meet you in the Hanger Bay," Helo called after her. "I'll let the _Olympus_ know we're on our way. Probably take a little over an hour in all," he said, addressing the Admiral but looking pointedly at Lee.

"Thank you Captain."

Helo executed one final salute and then left, squeezing past Tory as the aide entered the waiting area.

"Madame President, I'm sorry but Zarek has been waiting on _Colonial One_ for close to half an hour."

"Will you please tell him I'm sorry and reschedule," Roslin started, but Adama interrupted.

"No," he said. "We should get you back to your ship, Madame President."

"Are you sure?" she asked softly, Laura to Bill instead of President to Admiral.

He gave her a small smile. "Thank you, yes. I'll escort you to the shuttle." She nodded and motioned to Tory to lead the way. As they stepped out, Adama paused. "Give me one moment."

"Of course," said Roslin, knowing full well what he was about to do.

Adama approached his son. "Lee," he said simply.

"Dad, don't…"

"She wants to see you. You have about an hour before her husband gets here." Adama grasped Lee's shoulders. "I don't know what is going on, but you fix it."

Lee drew himself up. "Yes sir."

Adama nodded and left his son alone in the waiting room.

As soon as the door closed and his father was out of sight, Lee slid down the wall and remembered the last time he had spoken with Kara.

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_Five months ago:_

The knock to his hatch door was surprising, and the visitor was even more unwelcome.

"Starbuck," he said, refusing to open the door any further than he had to.

"Apollo," she responded. "You weren't in your office."

"That's because I'm no longer on shift."

"Where's the wife?" Kara practically spat the last word.

"Dee's off ship for the night. She's doing comm. repairs on the…."

Before he could finish Kara pushed the hatch door open and stepped into Lee's private quarters. "Good," she said as she closed the door behind her and spun the lock. "What the hell is going on here?" she asked. Lee noticed how her nostrils flared on the mild curse. She was holding back.

"What are you talking about, Captain?" Of course he knew what this was about, but the quicker he could get her to explode the quicker he could get her out of his private quarters and return to his peaceful evening.

"What am I talking about?" Her voice almost went shrill. Kara winced inwardly and continued. "What I'm talking about, _Major_, is that I was just down in the hanger bay, dressed like this," she made a motion to her flightsuit, "ready for CAP, and it's only then that I learn I'm _off flight rotation_!"

Lee crossed his arms. "If you'd been at the morning briefing today, instead of nursing a hangover, you would have known you were off active flight."

"You have no reason to revoke my status Lee."

"I think I do. You're barely functioning at fifty percent."

"You and I both know me at fifty is a hell of a lot better than half the squad at a hundred."

She had him there, but Lee wasn't about to back down. "Rules are rules, Captain. Stay sober for three days straight and maybe I'll put you back in the rotation." He leaned in. "Like Kat once said, this ship doesn't need two Tighs."

Lee wasn't sure what response he was hoping to evoke, but it certainly wasn't the one he got.

Kara slapped him.

It was the slapping that caught Lee off-guard. He could have handled a punch- Hell, he would have thrown one right back. But Kara only slapped when some very special nerve was touched.

"You know nothing about this, so why don't you just shut the frak up," she breathed.

"What?" This time Lee was genuinely confused.

"When was the last time you saw me at Joe's?"

"Huh?"

Kara repeated herself slowly. "When. Was the last time. You. Saw me. At Joe's?"

"I don't know. Three weeks?" Lee guessed.

"Twenty-three days. I haven't had a drink in twenty-three days. So the next time you want to accuse me of some character flaw again, I suggest you do some fact checking first." She turned to leave but Lee's words stopped her.

"You're still not on flight rotation."

There was silence for a moment. Without turning around, Kara spoke. "Why?" Her voice had a small quiver to it.

"Something's going on with you Kara. You might not be drinking again, but you're still off til you fix it."

"There's nothing wrong with me…" she started.

"I saw that stunt you pulled a few days ago. You went against three Raiders with close to bingo fuel and no back-up."

"I've done that a million times."

"You've never said the Prayer of the Dead before though." He saw her spine stiffen. "I heard you on the ship-to-ship."

He watched her take a few deep breaths before turning to address him. "Look, I know I'm not one hundred percent. But I'm getting the job done. I'm landing the frakking birds and I'm blowing Cylons outta the sky. That is my job. That is all my life is now, do you get that? Don't take flying away from me too Lee. Please."

For a moment Lee almost gave in, she looked that desperate. But he couldn't. "I'm sorry Kara, but I can't take that risk."

She laughed bitterly. "Right. Can't afford to lose a bird to one of Starbuck's suicidal runs. Hell, she might mistake a Raptor for a Raider and bring down two for the price of one. Because she is that much of a frak-up."

Again she turned to leave, but this time Lee grabbed her arm and forcibly turned her around. "I can't risk losing _you_," he said. "Not Starbuck the ace, not Thrace the flight instructor. You Kara. I can't lose you."

She slowly removed his hand from her arm, but her face had changed from furious to forlorn. "You already have Lee."

"I know the past few weeks have been hard but we're still friends Kara."

"Are we?" she asked. "When was the last time we spoke about something not work related? When was the last time we had a meal together, ran together?"

"We hung out at Joe's Bar," he offered lamely.

"Yeah, me, you and several other pilots shared a pitcher while you and Dee sucked face. That's not exactly quality time."

Lee ran his hand through this hair and exhaled loudly. "Yeah. I know. I'm sorry."

Kara shrugged, trying to act nonchalant. "Whatever. I'm sure Dee's been watching your every move with me, being all jealous-y..."

"It's not Dee," Lee interrupted. "It's me."

"Huh?"

"I don't trust myself to be around you." She gave him an odd look. Gods, she was really going to make him spell this out to her. Lee stepped back and paced. "We can't run together. We can't because I don't trust myself not to pull you into an empty storage closet and…you know. I don't shower when you do because I know I won't be able to stop myself from going into your stall. Frak, Kara, I can't even listen to you on CAP in the CIC because just hearing your voice…" He couldn't continue the thought but hoped she caught where he was going with that.

For a brief moment Kara considered responding with a joke. But that would be too easy. This was a conversation that had been weeks in the making, and she wasn't about to back away from it now. "I know," she said softly, staring intently at the floor. "I have the same thoughts. It's not all on you Lee, I pulled back too. Pulled back from everything, actually."

"Sam?" Lee asked.

"I see him occasionally, but it's not like we…you know." Apparently neither of them was comfortable talking about sex with the other. Or the sex they weren't having, as the case may be.

"Really?"

Kara shrugged again. "Hard to live with the substitute when you've had the real thing," she said with a small grin that faded a second later. "Even if it was only for a short while."

They stared at each other for a minute before Lee started laughing. "What?" Kara demanded.

"When did our lives become an episode of some bad Picon soap opera?" Lee asked.

Kara smiled at that. "I think we've always been that way."

It was a mistake, Lee knew it. But at the moment he didn't care. He stepped towards her, not stopping until he was well within her personal space. When she didn't flinch, he stroked her hair behind her ear and cradled her face. "Do you think there was a time when we could have been together? If I hadn't married Dee, or if you hadn't met Anders…"

"I think we'd have to go back farther than that," she whispered. She took a deep breath. "I'd have had to have met you first."

Lee felt his breath hitch and he wrapped his left arm around her waist. Only then did he notice her own arms were resting lightly on his chest. "You ever think about that?" he asked softly.

"Every day since I met you," she replied.

He kissed her.

It was soft, it was sweet, it was loving, it was passionate. It held years of pain and a lifetime of promises. It lasted an eternity and yet was over in a flash.

Kara pushed him back. "No," she said. "We can't…" But Lee covered her mouth again with his and all thoughts and protestations fled her mind.

After another handful of moments he pulled back gently, resting his forehead against hers. "You were saying?" he asked playfully.

"Don't start something you can't finish Lee," she said. He heard the challenge in her voice and the mischief in her eyes.

With one graceful motion he twisted her from the hatch and deposited her on the bed, covering her body with his own. After another passionate kiss he trailed his mouth along her jaw to her ear. "Don't worry," he whispered hotly. "I plan on finishing you." He gently bit her lobe. "Several times."

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He kept his promise, she thought as she came down from her final high, the one she had finally shared jointly with Lee. Five times he had made her see the Gods- and each time had been more breathtaking and soul-shattering than the last. Kara had barely regained her breath when Lee stole it from her again, kissing her languidly. Only when she felt him moving did she bother breaking away. "No," she whimpered, and tightened her hold on him, trying to keep him buried so deliciously deep inside of her.

"Shhh," he whispered. "It's ok. I'm not going anywhere." He pulled out but not away. He turned their now separated bodies so that they were both lying on their sides, facing each other, intertwined even though no longer connected.

Kara sighed in utter contentment and nestled in close. "You were holding out on me Apollo."

"Hmmm?"

"On New Caprica. You held out on me."

Lee smiled. "Only because you seemed to be enjoying yourself so much then. I didn't want to stop you."

"I wasn't enjoying myself _that_ much," she replied. "Seriously, next time…" she stopped herself, unable to believe she had just made such a horrible slip. She felt Lee stiffen around her.

Kara was just about bolt when Lee shifted above her. He hovered over her, staring intently. Kara knew what he was about to say- that this was a one time thing, that they'd made a mistake, that it could never happen again. She wanted to run but her body wouldn't move. She wanted to stop him but her breath lay captive in her lungs. All she could do was wait.

"You want," his voice cracked and he started again. "You want there to be a next time?"

The air Kara had been holding came out in a whoosh of relief and she couldn't help smiling. "I thought that was obvious."

"With you, nothing ever is."

She flipped them over so that she now lay stretched out over him. Caressing his face, she murmured, "I want this." She gave him a soft kiss. "I want you Lee. Only you."

Lee grabbed the back of her head and pulled her down, kissing her fiercely. "I want you too," he said between kisses. "Gods know I shouldn't but I do."

"You have me," she whispered. She felt him returning to life under her legs as his hands roamed her body. She couldn't suppress a giggle. "Again? Are you frakking me, Lee?"

"Not yet," he answered, cocking his eyebrows. "But I will be soon."

The ring of the phone interrupted them.

"No way," said Kara, pushing him back and kissing his neck.

"What if it's important?" Lee asked. "I should get it." He spoke the words, but his actions proved he had no intention of leaving the bed.

"It's not."

The ringing stopped.

Kara smiled down at him. "Told you."

Lee flipped them over, one hand snaking up her legs. "I guess you were right."

Kara shivered. His hand was so close…

_**RING!!!**_

"Oh for frak's sake!" Lee cried.

"Just ignore…" Kara began as Lee silenced her with a kiss.

"Be right back," he promised. He jumped out of bed, wincing slightly as bare feet hit cold floor. He snatched up the receiver. "Apollo," he growled.

"Hey grumpy," the familiar voice said.

"Dee." Lee's voice was a few octaves higher than it should have been. In the bed Kara unconsciously covered herself with the sheets.

"Is everything ok?" Dee asked, concern lacing her voice. "You sound weird."

"No, everything's fine. I was just asleep."

"Oh babe I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up."

"It's fine," said Lee, trying to keep his voice calm even though his heart was racing in his chest. "Are you calling to say goodnight?"

"Actually," Dee said, and Lee could hear the smile in her voice. "I'm coming home. The job here didn't take as long as I thought."

"That's great."

"Yeah." Lee heard another voice in the background and Dee responding. "Ok. Hey Lee? My shuttle is ready. I'll see you in about half an hour. Love you."

"Love you too," he responded.

Hearing that broke something deep inside Kara. Trying to keep the sheet around her body, she got out of the bed.

Lee hung up the phone and turned back to see Kara slipping her tanks on over her head. He sought out his boxers and put them on before speaking. "That was Dee. She's coming back early."

"So I gathered," said Kara as she adjusted her double tanks before tackling her flight suit.

"I'm sorry," said Lee as he wrapped his arms around her from behind and nuzzled her neck. "I thought we'd have the whole night…"

Kara pulled away. "It's fine," she said stiffly. "Other woman has to take what she can get, right?"

Lee winced. "Don't."

"Don't what?"

"Don't do that. Don't cheapen this."

"Lee, this is an affair. It's by definition cheap." She sat on the bed and tugged on her boots. "You're never going to leave her, are you?"

"That's not fair, and you know it. You won't leave Sam…."

"I won't _divorce_ Sam," Kara corrected. "I've already left him." She ran her hand over her face. "I can't offer marriage Lee, but we could have this. We could have a life together."

"For how long?" Lee burst. "Til you get scared again? Til you get tired of us and find someone else to frak?"

"So that's it," she shook her head in disgust as she zipped up her flightsuit. "You don't trust me, do you?" Lee refused to look at her, focusing instead on some paperwork on his desk. "Do you?"

He straightened and looked her square in the eye. "I put you back on the rotation. You have CAP in six hours."

"Answer my question."

They stared at each other for a long moment before Lee finally answered. "No," he said sadly. "I don't."

Kara closed her eyes and let out a long breath. "Right."

She moved toward the hatch. Lee didn't stop her.

As she stepped out she paused and looked back over her shoulder. "Well, you were right about one thing," she said. "You sure did finish something." And then she was gone.

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Three days later the Cylons attacked. Kara was on CAP when it happened. The Raiders appeared on the far-side of the Fleet, at the point farthest away from _Galactica_'s position. Lee was one of the first alert-fighters to launch.

He arrived at the fight just in time to see her Viper explode.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N- Thanks again for the wonderful comments. Here's the long-awaited scene. See Second Author's Note Below.

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After thirty minutes, Kara decided she had waited long enough. It was clear Lee wasn't coming back, and her bladder was now screaming to be relieved. Pride prevented Kara from using the designated bedpan- "I'm pregnant, not an invalid," she had growled at the medic who tried to keep her in bed- and she'd finally convinced Cottle to let her use the head by herself. Not that he'd had much of an argument for keeping her in bed; he'd just told her she was fit for Maintenance and would be released the next morning. He'd even taken her off the IV.

Walking back to her designated bed, Kara tried to ignore the pit in her stomach caused by Lee's absence. All she wanted to do was curl under the thin hospital blanket and sleep. Coming back from the dead had been more exhausting than she thought.

She pulled open the curtain and immediately jumped back, heart not believing her eyes.

Lee Adama was sitting at the edge of her bed.

It took her a second regain her wits. When she did she reached back to close the curtain behind her. Blue met hazel as the two locked eyes.

"Hey," he whispered.

"Hey," she said softly back.

She'd never be sure who moved first- the hidden romantic in her liked to think they did it simultaneously- but in the end it hardly mattered. The end result was the same. They wrapped around each other, clinging on for dear life.

Lee pulled back slightly to rest his forehead against hers. Their tears mingled together. "It's you," he breathed. "It's really you."

"It's really me," she responded, trying not to sob. Gods, she thought. She'd shed more tears in the past few hours than she had in the last twelve months.

"What are you even doing up?" he asked, his drive to protect her kicking in. "You should be in bed," he added as he helped her in.

"Lee, I'm fine," she assured him, although she let him assist her. He sat on the edge of the bed, staring down at her.

Kara looked up at him. She'd been waiting for this moment ever since Cottle confirmed her suspicions that Lee was the father of the child resting inside her. Yet now she couldn't find the right words. So she stalled.

"Quit looking at me like that," she said.

"Like what?"

"Like someone just killed your dog. I'm back Lee. You can't loosen the stick in your ass enough to smile?" she ribbed him lightly.

Lee didn't respond in kind. If anything, his sad expression only deepened. "I'm so sorry Kara."

"What do you have to be sorry about?"

"Everything." Lee closed his eyes. "I should have never put you back in the rotation."

"Lee…."

"And that night, the last night we…What we did, what we said….Kara, I'd give anything to take it all back."

"All of it?" she asked. Lee nodded. "I wouldn't."

"How can you even say that? That night ended us."

Kara shook her head. "No," she said. She took a deep breath. It was now or never. "That night we finally did something right."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean this," she said, taking his hand and placing it on her stomach.

Lee looked at it in shock. He'd been so intent on seeing her face that he hadn't even noticed her enlarged belly.

"It's ours Lee," she whispered. "Yours and mine. We made this."

Lee pulled his hand away as if he'd been shocked and jumped up from the bed. Memories of another pregnant blonde flooded his mind. "This isn't funny Kara," he warned.

"The frak it isn't," she agreed angrily. This was definitely not going the way she had thought it would. She took a few deep breaths. "It's ok," she muttered to herself. A bit calmer, she turned to Lee. "It's ok Lee." She tried to reach out for him but he just backed away further. "I know this is a surprise…"

"This isn't happening," he said to himself.

"Yes, it is. We're having a baby." He didn't move. She tried again. "It's ok to be scared Lee. I know I was at first too. But this….this is us. You and me. Starbuck and Apollo. In one perfect body. Aren't you…aren't you happy at all?" Her voice was starting to crack now as desperation and panic set in. "Lee. Lee, please say something. Please. _For frak's sake Lee look at me!!_"

Finally he turned to her. His face was like a war zone as shock, sadness and guilt battled for dominance. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "I can't do this. Not right now."

Kara clenched her eyes shut as her world came crashing down on her. "Ok," she managed to get out. "Ok. When will you able to 'do this'?"

"I don't know," he answered honestly.

"A day? A week?" She motioned to her stomach. "We're kinda on a timetable here."

"I don't know," he repeated. "I just….I don't know. I'm sorry." He pulled the curtain open and was about to leave when her voice stopped him

"This wasn't how I wanted this to go."

He turned back once more. "Me neither." Unable to stand the pain and betrayal in her eyes, he left.

Once the curtain closed Kara let the tears flow freely. It wasn't supposed to be this way. Right now she and Lee were supposed to be lying side by side in this hospital bed, thinking up baby names and planning a future. This was supposed to be easy, she thought. This wasn't supposed to be another life hurdle she'd have to overcome alone.

She heard the curtain squeak open. Hope leapt to her heart. _He'd come back._

She opened her eyes, and her heart sank. It wasn't him.

"Hey there Thrace," he said.

Kara took a deep breath. "Hey there yourself Sammy."

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A/N: How much do you hate me? This was actually the plan for the scene since the beginning of the story. I felt so bad after hearing how everyone was anxious for their reunion that I almost went back and changed it to something happier. But I decided to keep it like this. I hope you don't hate this too much to stop reading!


	7. Chapter 7

"Hey there Thrace," he said.

Kara took a deep breath. "Hey there yourself Sammy."

She watched his shoulders relax as he exhaled a long breath of air. Crossing to the bed in two short steps, he wrapped her up in a giant hug.

"I never thought I'd be so glad to hear that damn name again," he told her. As he pulled away he looked at her stomach. A little bit of fear highlighted his eyes. "Cylon?" he asked. Kara shook her head. "Mine?"

"No."

"Thank the gods," he muttered, sitting down in the nearby chair. Realizing what he just said, he ran his hand through his hair and looked at Kara sheepishly. "Sorry. Does that make me a horrible person?"

Kara laughed slightly. "No," she said. "It actually makes this easier that you do feel that way."

He nodded. "So who's the dad? Or do I even need to ask?" Kara responded by glaring at him. "I saw him as I was coming in. Don't worry Thrace, he'll come around."

"You have more faith in him than I do."

"Give him a break. If it'd been my kid I probably would have freaked too. I know how he feels about you Kara. And I know how you feel about him. I hope you two can be happy one day. I really mean it."

Kara shook her head. "You're too good a man for this Sam."

He shrugged. "We were better as friends anyways. It took you dying to realize that." She looked at him oddly. Sam took a deep breath. "Kara, we need to talk about our marriage." He removed his jacket, revealing a short-sleeved black shirt and muscled arms.

_Unmarked _arms.

Kara looked at his right arm, surprised. Even more surprising was the ring resting on his left hand.

Sam took her silence as an indication that she was upset. "It's a long story. I'm sorry. I waited, I really did, but you were dead…."

"Sam," she stopped him. "There's no need to feel guilty about this. I did the same thing." She rolled up the sleeve on her right arm, showing him blank skin. "After I found out I was pregnant, I asked him to remove it."

"Him?" asked Sam.

"Them," Kara corrected, cursing herself mentally for the slip. "I meant them."

Sam ran his hand down her arm. "Cylons did good work. It looks good."

"So does yours," she said. Then she laughed. "Five months of being dead and all we can talk about it tattoo removal."

Sam laughed. "I guess we could talk about the weather?"

"Or," said Kara, picking up his left hand. "You could tell me about this."

Sam gave her a smile she'd never seen before. It shone of pure happiness and pride. "Jean and I got married. Two weeks ago. That's what I meant about us needing to discuss our marriage." He took a deep breath and then launched into his story. "I know you didn't want to divorce, and I tried to keep to that. Jean was fine with not being officially married; she said it was just a piece of paper and it didn't matter."

"What changed?"

"Four weeks ago, she went to the doctor. Thought she had the flu. Turned out she caught what you have." Kara gave him an odd look. "She's pregnant," Sam clarified.

Kara squeezed his hand. "Congratualations. I'm happy for you Sam. Both of you."

"Thanks, but here's where it gets complicated. Jean wanted our kid to be legit, and suddenly that little piece of paper become a lot more important. Thing is, no priest would marry us. They all said I was still married to you."

"What? Didn't you tell them I was dead?"

"No body," Sam explained. Kara rolled her eyes. "That's pretty much what my reaction was. But, I figured I'd play by their rules. So I asked for our marriage bonds to be broken on the grounds of- and please don't hit me- abandonment."

Kara snorted. "That's not too far from the truth."

"It fit with you being gone. And I didn't want to completely ruin the memory of our marriage by declaring adultery."

She nodded. "So then, we're no longer married."

"Unless you challenge it. It'd be in your rights, but…."

"No," she said. "It's better this way. Like you said, we were better friends than spouses."

"Thank you," he said as he stood. "I should get going. Helo said he'd give me a lift back and I don't want to keep him out too late. Plus," he said smiling. "Jean was kinda freaking out when she heard you were back."

"I'm glad you two finally stopped being stupid and got together."

"You're one to talk," said Sam. "If you need anything, let me know, ok?"

"Will do."

"Good. Now get some rest, you look like a corpse," he said with a wink.

Kara groaned. "Not one of your better jokes, Sammy."

He shrugged. "Couldn't help it. Seeya around Thrace," he called as he left

For the first time since she'd arrived in sickbay, Kara felt alone. "Positive Kara," _his_ voice said in her mind. "You're always so quick to find the negative, when you should be looking for the positive."

Kara nodded to the empty room. "I saw the Old Man, and we're good. I'm safe. My baby's safe." Tears gently rolled down as she said the last one. "And I'm home. I'm finally home."

That was her last thought as exhaustion finally overtook her.


	8. Chapter 8

Lee lay awake in his bunk, waiting for the sleep that refused to come. Beyond the curtain he could hear pilots getting ready for the graveyard CAP. They were being quiet, trying not to wake the others sleeping. But Lee could still hear snippets of their conversation.

"Starbuck's back."

"I heard she was knocked up with a half-breed."

"She's totally lost her mind. Doesn't even know who she is anymore."

"Has she been tested? I mean, what if she's a Cylon?"

Lee rolled over and opened the curtain. "Knock it off," he ordered. The other pilots seemed surprised to see him awake.

"Yes sir," they responded.

Lee pulled the curtain closed again. After a few minutes he heard the hatch door open and shut. Silence again reigned in the bunkroom.

Lee's mind, on the other hand, was a cacophony of thoughts.

Seeing Kara again and holding her in his arms, not matter how brief, had made him feel more alive than he had since…Well, since the memorial service that had been held for her. It had taken every bit of will power not to follow her into the hospital bed and gather her in his arms for the rest of the night, especially after he saw that she wasn't angry with him.

But then she had put his hand on her stomach. The stomach that was always so flat, and yet was now curvy, full of child.

_Their_ child.

He had panicked. He wasn't proud of his reaction, but there it was. Lee had panicked.

He remembered Gianne, all those years ago, making the same motion and telling him he was going to be a father. He had panicked then too, but for very different reasons.

Back then Lee told himself that they were too young to raise a family. He was on the fast-track in the military and didn't want to be dragging a wife and infant around from base to base. More importantly, he didn't love Gianne. She had been a placeholder, someone to see and sleep with until the Real Thing came around.

But this time it was different. He was nearly thirty; he should be having kids now. Hell, he knew people with kids now, and some of them were even younger than he was. And he loved Kara, he knew he did. He'd known that since the day he'd been introduced to her.

No, the reasons for panicking this time were different. Losing Kara had broken him. He hadn't gained weight like he did last time; instead, he simply faded away. Lee Adama the man was replaced entirely by Apollo the Viper jock. He shut down.

It had finally proved too much for Dee to handle. Their divorce had been quick and painless, like removing a bandage.

It was only in the past few weeks that Lee had finally started picking himself up. That Lee Adama started cracking through Apollo's façade. He wasn't whole; far from it. But he had found stability; as long as he lived in a routine, he was fine.

And now she was back. And his routine flew out the airlock.

His world was back into a tailspin as the emotions he had kept so meticulously locked away threatened to bubble up and consume him.

He was barely taking care of himself; how the hell was he supposed to take care of a baby as well?

And Kara…Gods knew he loved her, but did he trust her? He wanted to, but there was still that nagging little voice of doubt. He knew for a fact he couldn't lose her again, physically or emotionally. Maybe it would be better to just not get her back in the first place?

Lee glanced at his watch. 0357. He needed to get to sleep. He had a briefing to give at 0800 followed by CAP at 1100. In between he needed to meet with the Old Man; he'd received word that his father wanted to see him, and Lee was pretty sure a certain Kara Thrace was going to be the main topic of discussion. He wondered if his father knew Kara was carrying his grandchild. Lee hoped not; that would make for one uncomfortable discussion that he just couldn't have right now, not when he didn't know himself how he felt about Kara's pregnancy.

The watch now read 0426. He sighed and rolled onto his back. Closing his eyes, he began to count backward from 5000.

The last number he remembered was 642.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: This was part of a longer chapter, but I wanted to post something. More coming soon!!

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Kara was awoken rudely the next morning by one very cranky doctor.

"Get up," Cottle ordered, cigarette hanging out of his mouth. "I have to give you some things and don't have time to wait around for you to wake up."

She sat up groggily. "What happened to you being nice?"

"That was a one-time thing. You're alive and healthy again, which means I can go back to treating you like a pain in my ass. Now pay attention." He looked down at the chart in his hands. "The fetus is healthy; looks like the Cylons kept good care of you and it. You know the rules right?" Kara nodded. "No smoking, no drinking, no flying, no cursing…"

"No _cursing_?" Kara asked in disbelief.

"Just seeing if you were paying attention," said Cottle. He took a final drag of the cigarette and put it out. "I want you in here every two weeks for now. Take one of these," he handed her a bottle of neonatal vitamins, "everyday with food. With food, got it? Stay away from the caffeine. Any questions?"

_So many I don't know where to start_, she thought. Out loud, she said, "What can and can't I do?"

Cottle shrugged. "You mean physically? Pretty much whatever you want, within reason. You're fine now for Maintenance. It'll get harder when you get bigger to get around under the birds, but you're fine doing that as long as you can manage it. As far as exercise, you should definitely keep it up. Just listen to your body. If it tells you stop, _stop_. And come in here if you think anything is going wrong. Got it?" Kara nodded. "Good. Now get the hell outta my sickbay."

Kara rolled her eyes. "Mind if I use the head here first?"

Cottle lit another cigarette. "Fine," he said. "But then you're gone."

After using the head Kara washed her hands in the sink and for the first time in several weeks was able to see her own reflection. She stood up straight and turned to the side, looking at her body in the mirror. There would be no hiding it, she thought as she ran her hands over her stomach lovingly. She was definitely pregnant. "And it's only getting bigger," she muttered to herself.

Her belly twitched in response.

Kara gasped, surprised. Recently she'd been feeling small movements, but she could never tell if they were real or just her imagination. But this…this was definite. It wasn't quite a kick, more like the baby was rolling over. Kara smiled at that, imagining her child shifting inside her into a more comfortable position.

"Hey there," she whispered. "You moving around? You like being on _Galactica_, don't you?" More movement followed as if in response. "Yeah, me too." She felt tears welling up in her eyes. "Too bad Daddy isn't here to feel this." Shaking her head, she cupped some water into her hands and splashed it on her face. "Get a grip Starbuck," she told herself. "It's not the first time you've been alone."

"You're giving up that easy?" _his_ voice asked. "I thought you were braver than that Kara. You've come such a long way; you've learned so much. And now you're giving up at the first little challenge?"

She shook her head again to clear it. Splashing water to her face once more, she let out a long calming breath. He was right. She could do this. In the past she'd always run from her feelings, run from Lee. No more. For the first time in her life she wasn't afraid of what she wanted, and by the Gods she was going to get it.

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She had a surprise waiting for her back in sickbay. A tall man was sitting in the chair, feet propped up on the bed.

"So," he said. "You got time for an old friend, or should I make an appointment?"

"Karl," Kara said, embracing him. "I was saving the best for last."

"Nice save," he said. He put his hands to her stomach. "And what does Baby Thrace think about _Galactica_?" He winked. "Or should I say Baby Adama?"

"I think someone's wife has a big mouth," she retorted, punching him lightly in the arm.

Helo smiled and hugged Kara again. "I can't believe you're really alive," he whispered. He pulled back, wiping his eyes.

"Aww, Helo," Kara teased, even though her own eyes were moist. "You crying?"

"So are you Starbuck."

She shrugged, smiling. "I won't tell if you won't."

"So," Helo said after a moment. "You ready to get outta here?"

"Hell yeah."

"Good." He knelt down and plopped a large cardboard box onto the bed. "Welcome home."

"What's this?"

"This," he said, opening the box, "is all your stuff."

"My stuff?" Kara looked in and found her things staring back at her- dress uniform neatly folded, sweat pants, tanks, even her more personal items. "I don't understand."

"Well, I figured you'd like to wear your actual clothes. Although they might not fit anymore."

"Why wasn't this stuff auctioned?" she asked as she removed a pair of sweats and tanks. Before he could answer, she made a motion for him to turn around.

"No one really even considered it," he told her as she changed. He chuckled. "No one could put up with your crap when you were alive, and they didn't want to have any of it when you were dead."

"Really?"

Helo turned around. "No," he said seriously. "After the fight, Apollo marched straight back to the bunkroom and emptied out your locker. Didn't speak to anyone, just did it. One nugget tried to put in a bid for something and…Well, he ended up visiting sickbay." Helo nudged the box. "Apollo kept this in his room til he and Dee split up and he moved back into Senior Officers' Quarters. He didn't have any room there, so he gave it to me."

Kara ran her hand over her old things. While she'd been away she never once thought about her uniform or her favorite sports bra, or her book of Scripture. But now, seeing her old things again, she felt like she was truly returning to her life.

There was a question Kara had been wanting to ask since learning of Lee's divorce, but Helo was the only one she trusted to ask. "How's Dee?"

"She's moved on, if that's what you mean. Actually, it was Dee who filed for the divorce. I think she finally realized she deserved more than Apollo could give her, and she's found someone who can."

"Who?"

Helo grinned wickedly. "You'll never guess."

"Kelly?"

"Nope."

"Uhh….The weird looking Comms guy from _Pegasus_?"

"Hoshi isn't _that_ weird looking. But no."

"Well, I have no frakking idea."

Helo leaned in and whispered conspiratorially, "Gaeta."

Kara gasped. "No!"

"Oh yes."

"I thought he had a crush on Baltar!"

"I think he did. Apparently he…you know…" Helo made a motion like a pendulum. "But he's been after Dee for a while now too. You remember how they were even before the attacks. Finally made his move about two months ago, as soon as the divorce was finalized."

Kara nodded.

"So," said Helo. "Now that you know Dee isn't out there waiting for revenge, can we go?"

"Yes. Definitely." She reached for the box but Helo grabbed it first.

"Don't even think about it. Come on, I got one more surprise for you."

"What?"

"You'll see." They exited sickbay. "So Starbuck, you think you're up for parenthood?"

"Well, Helo, I figure if an idiot like you can do it, it can't be that hard."

The two friends' laughter echoed down the corridor.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: This week my professor said he had a surprise for us. We thought it was cake and ice cream. Instead, it was a guest speaker.

Moral of the story: The surprise here may disappoint those of you expecting cake and ice cream. But I hope you enjoy it anyways! And thanks again for the reviews. They really make my day!

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Lee tried to breathe calmly as he approached his father's quarters. Ignoring the odd look on the marine guard's face, Lee stepped inside. "You wanted to see me sir?"

Adama motioned to the couch. "Have a seat. Would you like something to drink?"

"Yes, please, sir," Lee responded, mostly out of politeness.

Adama handed him a glass of water before joining him on the couch. "I heard you finally saw Kara."

"Yes sir."

"Cottle released her today. I told her I'd have you put her into the Maintenance Rotation. I also reinstated her as Flight Instructor."

"I know. I got the memo."

Adama nodded. "What did you think of her?"

"I…uhh….sir…" Lee stammered. "I mean, she seemed….ok."

"Make sure she stays that way." Adama took a sip of water. "We lost her, after New Caprica. I'm not going to lose her again."

"Yes sir." After a moment's pause Lee started to stand. "If there's nothing else…."

"Lee," Adama said, motioning his son to sit back down. "You know she's pregnant."

Lee felt himself starting to panic and struggled to remain calm. "Yes."

"Did she tell you who the father was?"

The truth escaped Lee's lips before he could stop it. "Yes."

"I'm going to assume it's not Anders'."

"No, it's not."

Adama nodded slowly. "Anyone will tell you having a child is the most wonderful thing in the world. What they don't tell you is that it's also scary as hell." He looked Lee in the eyes. "I missed out a lot on fatherhood because I was scared. I hope whoever fathered Kara's child doesn't make the same mistake I did." He waited a moment then asked, "Is there anything you want to tell me, Lee?"

As he had done so many times in the past few months, Lee buried his feelings, leaving only a calm exterior. "No sir."

Adama shook his head, clearly disappointed. "Please inform Captain Thrace of her reinstatement. That will be all Major."

Lee couldn't get out of the room fast enough.

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"Whoa, hey, wait a second." Kara stopped dead in the corridor. "I know I've been gone a while, but aren't we headed in the exact _opposite_ direction of Senior Officers' Quarters?"

"Yup. Now come on."

"Come on _where_?"

"You'll see."

A few hallways later Helo stopped in front of a hatchway. "Well?" he asked expectantly. "You gonna open it?"

"Open what?"

"Your new home."

Kara's confusion only deepened, so Helo set the box on the ground and opened the hatch himself.

The open hatchway revealed a small private quarters. A bed was on one side, along with a desk. On the other was a small couch and coffee table. Two lockers completed the room's furnishings.

Kara stepped in, amazed. "I'm getting private quarters? Why?"

Helo tapped her stomach. "I think this has something to do with it."

"But the baby isn't due for months. I could stay in the bunkroom til then."

"And then move here with a newborn? Right. This way is much easier." He set the box on the bed. "Besides, there aren't any free bunks in Senior Quarters, meaning you'd have to sleep with the nuggets."

Kara's eyes filled with horror. "No, you're right. Private quarters are much better. It's just…it feels so…."

"Grown-up?"

"Yeah."

Helo laughed. "Yeah, I know what you mean. But it's also nice to wake up every morning and _not _see Hot Dog's naked ass. Plus, you've got some great neighbors."

"You mean…"

"Yup," he nodded, grinning broadly. "Sharon, Hera and I are one hatch down. So if you ever need a cup of sugar…."

"Or to hand-off a screaming newborn?"

"Ok, maybe we're not _that_ great of neighbors."

She smiled, looking around the room. "What's that?" She pointed to a smaller hatch in the back of the room.

"That," said Helo, moving to open it. "That is the best new thing about family quarters."

Behind the door lay a private bathroom. It was small, but had a toilet, sink and shower.

"No way," Kara finally said.

"That was our reaction too. Admiral had private heads installed in all these quarters about a month ago."

"Why?"

"Well, the official reason was that these quarters were never really intended for families and needed to be remolded to fit their current use."

"And the unofficial reason?"

"Potty training." Kara laughed uncontrollably. "I'm serious! Just you wait, it's horrible. With Hera being about out of diapers and the Tyrols' kid not so far behind, I think the Admiral realized little children didn't really belong in the community head."

Kara stepped back into the main room. "So now what?"

"Now, you unpack and I go get ready for CAP."

"Do you have to go?" She still felt weird being by herself, even though she knew she was safe.

"Hey," said Helo, wrapping her up in a big hug. "You're ok now, you know that right?" She nodded. "Good. Now we're right next door if you need anything, got it? Anything. We usually hit the mess around 1800, if you're hungry by then."

She nodded. "That sounds good."

"Ok, see you then." He put his hands on her stomach and spoke seriously. "Now listen up kid. This is your Uncle Helo. No matter what Mommy says, you remember this: Raptors are way cooler than Vipers."

Kara playfully slapped his hands away. "Stop corrupting my child!"

Helo smiled and hugged one more time. "See you at dinner," he called as he left.

Alone in the room, Kara turned her attention to her box of belongings. As she hung up her uniform she heard the hatch door swing open. "What'd you forget Helo?" she called over her shoulder. But upon turning around, she saw another man standing in the hatchway.

"Hey Lee," she said when she finally found her voice. He continued to stare at her. "You gonna come in?" Silently he entered the room and shut the hatch behind him.

"So Helo gave you back your stuff."

"Yeah. He said you're the one who really kept it though. Thanks for that."

Lee shrugged. "I just couldn't let it go. Didn't seem right."

"So you being down here. Does that mean…."

"No." He watched her face fall as she busied herself with hanging another article of clothing. "The Admiral wanted me to inform you that you've been reinstated as Flight Instructor. Also, you're on the Maintenance Rotation. If could let me know when you want to start…"

"As soon as possible. Today. I need to do something."

Lee nodded. "I'm sure the Chief would appreciate the help today, whenever you can. I'll put you on tomorrow's rotation. Try to keep the hours light for you."

"Don't coddle me Lee," she practically hissed. "I intend to be a fully function member of this Fleet, pregnant or not."

"Hey, I'm just trying to help you out," he said, voice rising. Gods, she wasn't even back twenty-four hours and they were already on the verge of fighting.

"I don't need the CAG's help, Lee, I need you!"

"I'm not sure I can give you that."

"Why not?" She sounded on the edge of breaking down into tears again.

Lee sighed. "It's complicated."

"Complicated?" she asked, wheeling towards him. "_Complicated?_ Let me break it down for you Apollo. Five months ago we frakked, and by some miracle we made a child. So you can be upset with me all you want, but there is someone else to consider now, and we aren't allowed to frak this one _up_." The last word came out in gasp as she clutched her stomach.

"What's wrong?" Lee rushed to her side, hands hovering.

Kara straightened and smiled, all anger gone. "It kicked."

"What?"

"It kicked. First time. Hard too." She gasped. "It did it again. Feel this."

"Kara…"

"Feel this, Lee," she demanded as she grabbed his hand. For a minute he didn't feel anything. "Wait for it," she said softly.

And then there it was. Lee felt it, faint but distinct. The kick went straight to his heart. There was a second kick, and Lee fell hopelessly in love with his- no, _their_ child. He felt suspended, surreal.

"You feel it?" Kara asked.

Lee responded by kissing her. Leaving one hand on her stomach, he wrapped the other in her hair. He kept the kiss soft, delicate even. After a few moments Kara responded, cupping his face in her hands.

Lee jerked back. The places where her fingertips had touched his cheek burned. It was too much- the child, the kick, Kara, the kiss. He hadn't felt so much in months and it was wrecking havoc on his nerves. He couldn't breath, couldn't think. Kara moved towards him, concerned, but he backed away, staring at the floor until he could get himself under control.

Presently he heard her voice. "Lee? Lee?"

"I'm sorry." His voice was hoarse. "I shouldn't have…I didn't mean…"

She grabbed his hands in hers and held tight as he tried to pull away. "Talk to me Lee. Just talk to me."

"It's too much," he whispered.

"What's too much?" she asked in a soothing voice.

"All of it. Everything. I can't. I don't want to hurt you…"

"Then don't…"

"But I can't." He finally freed himself. "I have to go. I have CAP…"

Kara latched onto his arm and spun him around to face her. "Look at me Lee." He complied. "This isn't over. I'm not giving up on you. I'll wait til you're ready…"

"No," he said, pulling away his arm. "Don't. It's not worth it." With that he left the room, closing the hatch behind him.

Once out in the hall Lee leaned his head against the hatch. It would be so easy, so frakking easy, to go back in there, throw her on the bed, and show her exactly how much he had missed her, how much he loved her. But if he did that he would be lost forever. Losing her once had left him broken. Losing her again would kill him. It was safer this way. At least, that's what he told himself, over and over again, as he forced his feet to leave Kara.

On the other side of the hatch, Kara stood stock still for several minutes trying to gather herself. She refused to cry over Lee Adama again. She had meant what she said, she wasn't about to give up on him yet. But she didn't know how many more times she could do this routine before losing all faith.

Listlessly, she unpacked the rest of her belongings, placing them around the small room. Once finished, she sat on the bed and looked around her new home. It was nice, cozy even, and yet she felt like she was missing something big, something important…

She burst into tears as realization hit her.

The picture.

The picture of her, Zak and Lee, the one she had kept all those years, the one that had served as a talisman for her.

The picture was gone.


	11. Chapter 11

Seventy-five minutes and one hot shower later, Kara stood on the catwalk overlooking the Hanger Bay. Her sweats and tanks would do for now, but she knew she'd be needing new clothes soon. The orange jump suits the deck crew wore looked like they'd have plenty of room for an expanding belly. She watched as Cally walked across the deck, clipboard in hand. Maybe Cally still has some maternity clothes, Kara thought. Although anything worn by Cally would surely be too short on her.

The Chief followed his wife a few steps behind. Maybe she should borrow from him instead. Kara swallowed a laugh at that.

"See something funny Captain?"

Kara wheeled around. Colonel Tigh was standing a few steps away from her.

"No sir," she said, feeling her old cockiness return. "Although now that you're here…."

"Same old shit," he growled low. "You gonna get to work or just stand here all day?"

"I was just going, sir." She gave him a poor excuse for a salute and started down the stairs.

"Starbuck," he called, making her pause. "Welcome back."

Kara smiled genuinely. "Thank you, sir."

"You tell anyone I said that and I'll throw your ass in hack."

"I happen to like hack, sir. Don't you remember?"

Tigh rolled his eye and walked away. Kara continued down the stairs, feeling a bit more confident than she had before. She'd never admit it, even to herself, but that drunk XO had somehow wormed his way into her affections. She was pretty sure the feeling was mutual.

Her feet hit the deck. She'd planned to hang back, wait til the Chief wasn't busy and ask where she could help. Her goal was to be as inconspicuous as possible.

No such luck.

"Holy frak it is true!"

Kara turned just in time to see Cally drop her clipboard and launch herself towards her. Without thinking, the younger woman hugged her. Kara couldn't help but respond.

"Sorry Captain. The Specialist here seems to have lost her mind," she heard Tyrol say. Cally extracted herself from Kara and shot her husband a crude gesture.

"It's fine Chief. I think we can let it slip this once."

"Well, in that case…" and Kara found herself being hugged once again. Gods, how many more times was this going to happen?

"Apollo mentioned you might be coming down today. We've got some Vipers that need their fueling systems checked, and a Raptor that's been having comm. trouble…" Cally hit his arm. "Ow. What?"

"Aren't you forgetting to say something?" Cally asked pointedly. Tyrol looked confused and Cally rolled her eyes. "Congratulations," she said to Kara. Then, "It is congratulations, right?"

"Yeah, it is."

"Can I…?"

"Sure," Kara said as Cally gently touched her stomach.

A light went off in Tyrol's eyes. "Oh, you're pregnant. I thought that was just a crazy rumor."

"Couldn't you tell when you saw her Galen?" The Chief shrugged and Cally rolled her eyes again. "How far along? Has it started moving yet?"

"Five months. And yeah, just today."

"Isn't it weird? I remember the first time Nicholas kicked…" She was interrupted by a loud crash.

"Oh for frak's sake Epsen! Well, don't just stand there, clean it up!" the Chief yelled. Shaking his head in frustration, he turned back to Kara. "I gotta deal with this. Cally can you…"

"I'm on it."

"Thanks. I'll talk to you later, ok Starbuck?" Kara nodded as Tyrol left, voice thundering across the Hanger Bay. "Clean it with what? With the mops, you dipshit! Didn't you mother ever…"

Cally turned her attention back to Kara. "You know you don't need to be down here yet, right? You can take some time off."

Kara shook her head. "If I stayed one more minute in my quarters I'd go crazy. I need to be doing something."

"Ok. Well, like the Chief said, there's a Raptor having comm. trouble. I was gonna start on that, but it's looking like a two person job."

"Sounds good. Lead the way."

Cally smiled. "And I don't want to push, but if you have questions about being pregnant, I've been waiting to share my infinite knowledge with someone else."

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but that'd be great."

Permission granted, Cally opened the floodgates.

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And so started Kara's return from the dead. After a few days a routine developed. Run in the morning. Quick shower, then hit the Hanger Bay, even if it wasn't technically her time on the rotation. There was always something that needed repairing, and Kara liked the action down there. It distracted her from the other problems in her life. Well, _problem_.

Then came another quick shower and dinner with the Agathons. Hera had been shy around Kara at first, but quickly warmed up to her new aunt. By day three she was insisting on sitting next to Kara at dinner.

After dinner she'd return to her quarters and review her old lesson plans and flight manuals. She felt especially protective of this new batch of nuggets, even though she didn't even know who they were yet. She wouldn't be able to join them on their first time out in a Viper, and so she was going to make damn sure they had everything they needed before that happened.

She was surprised she wasn't climbing the walls with such a schedule. If anyone had told her six months ago that she'd be content with family dinners and early nights reading, she would have laughed and then taken another shot. Yet this routine fit where she wanted to be now in her life. She'd walked by the Rec Room, once, and seen a Triad game going. She'd been tempted to join, but knew that would mean putting on her old Starbuck mask. Quite frankly, the mere idea of that had exhausted her, and so instead she'd returned to her quarters and curled up on the couch, reviewing another lesson. She no longer needed to be the loudmouth, hotshot she always had been. Right now, and for the first time in her life, Kara was happy to just _be_.

The only thing not making her content was her relationship with Lee. Or rather, lack of relationship. He'd withdrawn from her even more, barely talking to her unless it was work related, and even then the words were sparse. She'd tried, she really had, to reach out to him. When she saw him working on his Viper, she volunteered to give him a hand. His response had been a terse, "No thanks." She'd heard from various people- Cally and Tyrol chief among them- that Lee had lost it when she died. She understood- after the Resurrection Ship and Lee's "space-walk" she'd often had nightmares of Lee's death, waking up to find her sheets drenched in cold sweat- but that still didn't explain why he wouldn't open up to her know.

She'd promised to wait, to fight for him. She just wasn't sure how much fight she had left.

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A full week had passed since her return. Kara tied the laces to her running shoes and flung open the hatch, nearly running over Lee.

She wasn't sure how to address him. She refused to call him 'Major' in such a setting, but 'Lee' now seemed entirely too informal. So she settled for the middle ground. "Morning Apollo."

"Starbuck," he replied.

They stared at each other for a few moments. "Why are you here Lee?" she finally asked.

"I wanted to give you these," he handed her a stack of files. "Info on the nuggets. They start Basic day after tomorrow."

"I was wondering when I'd get these. How many?"

"Thirteen."

Kara nodded. "Just like the first batch. I'm planning on giving them Raptor training too. Never know what they'll need to fly these days."

"That sounds fine." He stepped back. "Well, I'll let you get on your way."

"You could come with me."

He shook his head. "I'm not dressed for running."

"I'll wait for you to change."

His words cut her to the bone. "Kara," he whispered. "Please stop making this harder than it already is." And then he was gone.

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His words rang in her head with every step she took on her run. No matter how hard she tried to push herself, she couldn't escape them. What did he mean, making it harder? Why was he acting this way? For five months he had consumed her thoughts, and now it was like he almost preferred it if she'd stayed dead.

She'd given him a week of careful prodding. Maybe it was time for a push, she thought as she ended her run and stepped into the shower.

"You can't give up!" _his_ voice was back in her head. "I sacrificed everything so you could be with him. You owe me. You said you loved him and he loved you. Prove it!"

"Shut UP!" she yelled, slamming her palm against the shower's tiles. She wasn't doing this anymore. If Lee wanted out of her life, that's what she'd give him.

She stepped out of the shower and dressed quickly. She knew now what she had to do.

First she needed to find Helo and Sharon. She'd need their permission and blessing.

And then she was finding a lawyer.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Thanks for the reviews! See A/N below for more.

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Sharon steered the Raptor around _Galactica_ and began the final loop of CAP. Forty-five more minutes and she'd be done. Ahead of her she could see Hot Dog on point, with Gimbals bringing up his wing.

There was some noise behind her and she felt the presence of her ECO standing over her shoulder, trying to navigate into the co-pilot's chair. "Hey," she scolded. "Did I give you permission to come up here? Sit your ass back down."

"Are you forgetting, _Lieutenant_, that I out-rank you?" her husband teased back.

"Not here you don't. I'm the pilot, which means I'm the boss."

"Fine, SIR. Permission to come a-front, SIR?"

"Granted," Sharon said with a grin.

"Well, thank you very much," Helo said sarcastically as he sat down. "Thank you for letting the lowly ECO sit up front with the big important pilot."

"Well, don't get used to it. Don't want you getting spoiled," she said with a wink.

"I'll show you spoiled tomorrow afternoon," he shot back.

They usually didn't fly CAP together, even though before the attacks they had been paired up, in a way. By the time Sharon had finally been "reinstated" Helo had been off the flight roster entirely. Even now, though technically back to being a pilot, he didn't spend nearly as much time in the air as he would like. There seemed to always be some administrative matter that he was forced to attend to. Even when he did fly, propriety dictated that husband and wife shouldn't be on the same CAP, much less the same vessel. Today had been a happy accident, with Racetrack waking up with a migraine and Sharon volunteering to take her shift. It had meant three hours that Helo and Sharon got to just be together.

After a few moments of comfortable silence, Sharon turned to him. "So," she started. "You think Starbuck was serious?"

Helo shrugged. "She seemed serious."

"Yeah, but…She won't really go through with it, right?"

"You know, I'm not so sure it'd be a bad thing if she did."

"Are you frakking outta your mind?" Sharon couldn't believe he'd just said that.

"What? You've seen how he's been acting. This'll just make it easier for everyone. Cut all the strings."

"He's been acting that way since she died! Give the guy a break."

"Give him a break!?" Helo laughed. "I can't believe you, of all people, would say that about Apollo. He's never given _you_ a break."

"He's giving us both one tomorrow. And besides," she added before he could say anything about downtime rotations, "one of God's principle teachings is forgiveness."

"Well, then you're just a better person than I am."

"Look," she said as they circled around _Colonial One_. "I'm just saying that it's still his child, and a piece of paper isn't going to change that. He'll see him or her everyday. Her plan isn't going to solve anything, it's just gonna create more problems." She took a deep breath, thanking God silently that they were in a Raptor and Helo couldn't storm out. "Which is why I think you should tell him."

"WHAT?!?!"

"He deserves to know. He should be prepared. Maybe this will make him change his mind about it."

"You tell him then. It's _your_ idea."

"He's _your_ friend."

"Since when?"

"Since New Caprica? Since you helped him drop that weight? Since the night of the funeral when you two shared that bottle of booze? Take your pick."

"Yeah, well, he's not my friend _now_," Helo said, crossing his arms and looking sullenly out into space.

"Aww, because he's being mean to Kara?" Sharon asked mockingly.

"Yes." God, he looked just like Hera when she didn't want to do something.

"Well then dammit Karl do this for Kara. This is a bad idea and you know it." He still didn't look convinced. "Look, you tell him today after we land, and I promise I'll make it up to you tomorrow."

"You really think that's going to work?" He asked. Sharon arched her eyebrows and sent him a cocky grin. Helo groaned and got up from the co-pilot's chair_. Galactica_ was coming back into view. "Ok, fine, I'll talk to him. But this is the last time. I'm done playing matchmaker for those two frakwits," he grumbled.

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Flight rotations. Maintenance rotations. Duty rosters. Bunking assignments for thirteen new nuggets, as well as uniform orders for each of them. The Chief's report from the deck. All stacked up on his desk, all begging for his attention. All feeling ignored.

Because at the moment the only thing Lee could focus on was her smile.

The picture had been the last thing he'd removed from her locker, setting it gently on top of all her other belongings. It was there every time he opened the lid of that cardboard box, the three of them as they once were, staring back at him.

He opened the box often in those first few weeks, telling himself each time it would be the last. One last look, and then it would be over. Once more, and then he could put her behind him.

It never worked.

Instead he stole glances whenever Dee was in the shower or on-duty. Sometimes, he'd wake up in the middle of the night, carefully sneak out of bed, and look at it.

He never knew Dee's eyes watched him do this.

When the divorce happened, Lee gave all of Kara's belongings to Helo. All but this. This he kept in the top middle drawer of his desk. All he had to do was open it to see her. It was all he'd ever have of her.

Looking at her picture when she was dead was penance. Looking at now, when she was alive, was his own self-torture. A reminder that all those years ago, like today, she was so close and yet untouchable. Forbidden.

The knock on the hatch went unnoticed by Lee. It was the squeak of the hatch as it opened and Helo stepping inside that finally broke him out of his reverie.

"Hey Apollo, you here? I need to…Frak!" As soon as Helo had come in Lee tried to hide to photo. Too late though. Helo had caught him. "You know Kara's been going crazy looking for that right? You gotta give it back to her."

Lee ignored that part and stood, adopting the steely armor he had become so used to wearing. "Did you need something, Captain?"

"Oh no," said Helo. "That's not gonna work today. We need to talk about things and rank is going to be in no way involved."

The two men stared at each other for a moment before Lee backed down. "Fine Helo," he sighed, motioning for the taller man to have a seat. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Kara."

Lee's spine stiffened. "I was afraid you'd say that. Look, it's none of your business…"

"The frak it's not!" Helo pounded the desk. The stacks of paper vibrated. "What the hell is wrong with you Apollo? You're acting like you wish she'd stayed dead."

His chair screeched across the floor and toppled over as Lee stood abruptly. "Don't you frakking dare. You have no idea…"

"No idea!?! You're not the only one who lost her, you know. She was- _is_- my best friend. What is she to you?"

The question momentarily stunned Lee. He felt the armor sliding away, exposing nothing but naked, vulnerable emotion. "Everything," he finally said, voice coarse. "She's everything."

Helo physically softened. "Why can't you just tell her that?"

Lee laughed hollowly. "When have Kara and I ever been able to be honest with each other?" He righted the chair and sat back down. He rubbed a hand over his face. "It's just too dangerous. It's better this way, for both of us."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm not blind Helo. I'm not dumb. I know how people talk about me, how they look at me. Losing Kara…I can't do that again."

"Ok, let me get this straight." Helo never understood how Lee, so smart in so many things, could be such an idiot frakwit when it came to Kara. "You don't want to lose her. So you just won't try to get her back?" Lee nodded. "And this makes sense to you?"

"Well, when you put it like that…..No."

"No, it doesn't." His voice was dripping with condescension. He sat back and shook his head. "You two are impossible," he muttered. "Look, I didn't want to tell you this. And Gods know if Kara ever found out I was here, my body would be found floating outside the nearest airlock. But my wife seems to have more faith in you than I do, so…You're about to lose her, all over again, unless you get yourself together here."

"What do you mean?"

Helo shook his head. "No," he said. "I'm not telling you that. That would ruin any chance you two have of getting back some kind of relationship, which is already going to require a miracle. But you are going to lose her, and the kid. You thought Kara dying was hard? How hard is it going to be to see her everyday, with your child, and not be a part of their lives? Because that's what's going to happen. Facing her everyday, and not getting any closer…That, Apollo, will be worse than never seeing her again."

Lee was silent for a few moments. He knew Helo was right. Having her close and yet forcing her away was eating at his soul. He just wasn't sure how to fix it. "So what do I do?"

"Hell if I know," said Helo as he stood. "You gotta figure that out yourself."

"You said you didn't want to be here. How come?" As Helo shrugged, Lee answered it himself. "You don't think I deserve her, do you?"

"Honestly? I think you two belong together. Always have. Do you _deserve_ her? I don't know. But I hope you prove me wrong."

"Hey Helo?" Lee called as Helo stepped out. "Thanks."

"Just don't frak it up, ok?" He closed the hatch behind him.

Alone with his paperwork, Lee once again opened his top middle drawer. She smiled back at him.

During one of his many vigils with the picture, Lee had stroked her face and asked her forgiveness- forgiveness for putting her back into that cockpit, forgiveness for leaving her, forgiveness for loving her and never telling her. The words he had spoken ran back through his mind.

"_If I had another chance with you, I swear I would make it right. Nothing, not even you, could stop me. I wouldn't, either, until we were happy."_

In all the times that Kara had smiled up at him, Lee had never smiled back.

This time he did.

It was time to keep his promise.

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A/N: Don't get too comfy though boys and girls, there's still a WHOLE lotta story to tell. Anyone want to guess who Gimbals is? And I'm glad someone finally asked about _his_ voice. You'll just have to wait and see; that answer is still several chapters away.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Sorry for the delay. School is getting crazy, plus my computer decided to stop working. It might be awhile before I can post again, but I will try to find alternate ways. I WILL finish this story though! I hope no one has lost interest yet.

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She shouldn't be this nervous. There was no reason, really, the rational side of her brain tried to tell her. She'd faced down Cylons by the dozens from the cockpit of her Viper. Surely this was less frightening than that. Besides, it was only for a little while, and the experience would do her good. Really, she'd been looking forward to this all day; it was just unfounded nerves buzzing in her mind now.

Taking a deep breath, Kara opened the hatch door and stepped inside _Galactica_'s Day Care.

"Can I help you?" an elderly woman asked.

"Yeah, I'm Captain Thrace. I'm here to pick up…"

"KARA!" Hera cried, tearing across the room and launching herself against Kara's legs.

"Ah yes," said the woman. "Captain Agathon mentioned that when he dropped Hera off this morning. I'm Miranda, by the by."

"Kara." The two women shook hands.

During this exchange Hera was pulling at Kara's free arm. "What is it, kiddo?" Kara asked, kneeling.

Once down on her level, Hera immediately placed her hand on Kara's stomach, which seemed now to be growing a bit every day. She patted it softly and was rewarded with a slight kick. Hera giggled. "Baby!"

Miranda knelt down as well. "Is there a baby in there Hera?"

Hera nodded. "Baby baby."

"Hera, why don't you go get your painting? So you and your friend can go?" Hera bounded away as Miranda stood, offering Kara a hand.

"Thanks."

The older woman smiled. "I guess it won't be long now til you'll be dropping your own little one off."

"A few more months, at least. Til then I get to practice on Hera. Hopefully I won't scar her too much."

"I thought the same thing, when I had my first child. But you learn quickly, you'll see."

"I hope so."

"So what is it?"

"Human," Kara said absently, watching Hera make her way back towards her.

Miranda gave her an odd look. "Yes. But is it a boy human or a girl human?"

"Oh," Kara said, feeling slightly embarrassed. "I don't know."

"Want to be surprised, eh?"

"Something like that." In all honesty, Kara hadn't even thought about her baby's sex. There hadn't been time, and it wasn't like the Cylons were going to tell her that information anyways. But suddenly it seemed like the most important information in the universe. It seemed wrong to refer to her child as "it."

Hera brought her thoughts back to the here and now. "Kara? Go now?"

"You ready?"

"Yeah!"

"Ok then. Let's go."

"Goodbye, Hera," Miranda waved.

"Bye 'Randa!"

Once out in the hall, Hera slipped her hand into Kara's and smiled widely. "Kaaaara," she said in a sing-song voice.

"Heeera," Kara mimicked back.

Suddenly Hera stopped. "Mommy?"

_Oh Gods, not already_, Kara thought. She knelt down to Hera's level once again. "Mommy and Daddy are having some….alone time. So it's just me and you til tomorrow, ok kiddo? We're gonna play, and then have some dinner, and then bathtime, and then you get to sleep with me tonight." She tried to make her voice more excited as she listed each event. It seemed to be working. "That sound like fun!?"

"Yeah!"

"Yeah! Ok, so let's go to my room and then…"

"It!" Hera squealed, tapping Kara and then running as fast as her two-year-old legs would carry her.

"Hey Hera! Wait!" Kara called as she struggled to her feet. "Stop!"

But the little girl was gone.

Kara groaned. This was going to be a long afternoon.

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Lee unzipped his flight suit as he walked towards the showers. It had been a long double-CAP and the only thing he wanted to do now was wash away the day's sweat and grime. As he walked he remembered the conversation he'd had with Helo the day before. He had to admit, he'd gone to sleep the night before feeling more at peace than he had in- well, close to a year. He'd fallen to sleep secure in his decision to try to win Kara back.

Morning came, however, and he realized he had no idea how to go about this.

It wasn't that he had purposely avoided Kara today. He'd been in the air the last eight hours and hadn't seen her on the Deck before he launched. Maybe after his shower he'd swing by her quarters. If only he had an excuse….

His thoughts were interrupted by a strange noise coming from the Ready Room. Lee paused. It sounded almost like…_giggling_.

Entering from the back, Lee saw the source of the noise. It seemed to be coming from the two pink shoes sticking out of the second-to-last row.

"Hera?"

"Appo!" She shrieked. Then, more quietly, "Shhh. Hiding."

"You're hiding?" The girl nodded. "From who?"

He heard his answer in the hallway. "Hera!"

And then suddenly she was in the room, entering through the main entrance down by the podium.

"Come on Hera this isn't funny. I…" she stopped short when she saw Lee. She stiffened slightly. "Major."

It seemed the Gods had shoved an excuse on him. Lee took a deep breath and tried to smile. "Kara, I was just _looking_ for you." He stared pointedly at the floor where Hera lay.

Kara didn't seem to catch his hint. "Yeah, well, nugget stuff will have to wait. I can't find Hera."

"I'm sure she's _around here_ somewhere." This time he complemented his stare with a sharp nod.

She sighed, exasperated. "Look Lee, either you know where she is or…" Muffled giggling interrupted her. Lee bit back his own laugh as realization dawned on Kara's face. "You know what, I'll find her later. What were you looking for me for?"

"I, uh…well," Lee's mind went blank.

"Was it about the new shipment of fruit that arrived today?" Kara supplied, eyes sparkling. Now that she knew where Hera was, she liked playing this game.

"Yes," said Lee, quickly catching on. "I heard there were _apples_…"

"Appwles!" a little voice said behind the seat.

"And maybe even some _bananas_. Would you like to go get some?"

"I'd love to!" Kara said, making her voice sound beyond excited. The, crestfallen, "Oh, but I can't. I have to find Hera."

"Ohhh. That's too bad."

"Yeah," Kara shrugged. "We could just go without her."

"Really? Are you sure?"

"Yeah, we'll find her later. Besides, Hera hates _bananas_."

"Ok, lead the way."

Lee had barely taken two steps towards Kara when the small girl squeezed by him, shrieking "Nanas!"

"HA!" exclaimed Kara, scooping her up. "There you are, you little booger. Don't hide from me again, ok? Ok?"

Hera nodded solemnly in response and then asked, "Nanas now?"

Kara rolled her eyes. "Yeah, ok. First we gotta swing by my place, ok?" Hera nodded again. "Now if I put you down, will you stay with me?"

"Pa'mise."

"Good." She set Hera down and turned to Lee. "Thanks," she said awkwardly.

"No problem." His response was equally awkward. "Seeya later Hera."

This caused Hera to pause. "Appo come too? For nanas?"

The two adults stared at each other. "I'm sure Apollo has lots of work to do…" 

"Actually, I'm pretty much off for the rest of the evening."

Kara snapped her head up so hard Lee was sure she was going to give herself whiplash. She gave him a look he knew all too well, the one that said, _What the hell are you doing?_

"So you come?" Hera asked, oblivious to the tension between the two.

"If Kara says it's ok."

This time the look she gave him was downright murderous. Hera, on the other hand, was bouncing up and down. The look on her face made Kara give in. She forced a smile. "Sure, kiddo. Why wouldn't it be ok?"

"Yeah!" The bouncing now became full-on jumping. "Appo an' Kara an' me an' nanas!" she sang.

"Ok, but first- my place," Kara started ushering the girl out of the room. "I guess you want to shower first, Lee?"

"Yeah, I better. I'll meet you two in the Mess?"

Kara nodded. "Let's go booger," she said to Hera.

Lee watched them leave. Kara didn't seem too thrilled, not that he could blame her. Shrugging the flightsuit off his arms, Lee exited the Ready Room and headed towards the showers. Maybe this wasn't what he had planned for a first step, but he wasn't going to let the opportunity slip away, not matter how uncomfortable it may be.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: Thanks for the reviews! EdenLake, thanks for setting me straight. You'll find your answer below!

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About thirty minutes later Kara sat in the Mess, watching Hera push her "nanas" around with a spoon. Kara had a bowl of them in front of her as well, and there was a third bowl sitting just to the right of the child, reserved for "Appo."

"Aren't you going to eat those, kiddo?" Kara asked.

Hera looked at her solemnly. "Wait for Appo."

"Ahh."

"Kara eat?"

"No, I'll wait for Apollo too."

The truth was the mush in front of her looked none too appealing. She'd passed up on them at first, but Hera was determined that they should all eat the bananas, and there seemed to be nothing Kara could deny her. _If I'm this much of a push-over now…_

She checked her watch again. Surely Lee had to be out of the shower by now. Maybe he wouldn't come. She was surprised to find herself torn at that thought. She certainly shouldn't _want _to see him, unless it was to give him the envelope that had been waiting for her in her quarters. He'd been nothing but a first-rate asshole to her in the past week. Yet she couldn't deny that part of her was tingling with excitement to be in close contact with him. And he had certainly _seemed_ interested in spending time with her in the Ready Room.

She shook her head to clear it, recently brushed hair tickling her back. If he wanted her back, it was gonna take more than just a few nice words and some nanas.

That is, if he even bothered to show up.

"You know what Hera? Maybe you should start to eat them. You don't want them to get…" What? Cold? Soggy? The stuff was already both.

"Appo!" Hera suddenly cried, jumping down from her seat and running behind Kara. She turned to see Lee, cleanly showered, freshly shaven, scoop Hera up in her arms.

"Hey there," he said, smiling broadly. It morphed to something tinged with awkwardness and embarrassment as he turned to Kara. "Hi."

"Hi."

Hera was wiggling in his arms. "Vipes Appo! Vipes!"

There was no mistaking it now. Embarrassment leapt to Lee's face. "Not right now Hera…"

"Vipes!" she insisted.

With one more pained look at Kara, and a quick glance around the empty Mess, Lee sighed deeply.

And then Major Adama, Apollo, Commander of _Galactica_'s Air Group, decorated pilot and war hero, flipped Hera onto her stomach and twirled her around in the air.

Hera giggled wildly. "Vipes!! Rooom, rooom, Vipes Kara!"

"Viper yeah," Kara said, laughing at the girl's joy and also Lee's embarrassment. He swung Hera close to Kara's face, and Kara pinched the girl's nose. Hera laughed even more.

"Uh-oh." Lee stopped swinging her.

"Uh-oh," Hera echoed.

"Malfunction!" Lee dropped the front part of Hera's body, leaving her hanging upside down.

"Saw! Saw Kara!"

Kara glanced up at Lee, confused, and shook her head. "Saw?"

"SAR."

"Oh." She reached for the giggling girl. "I gotcha Hera. SAR to the…well, rescue."

Gently Lee passed off Hera to Kara, mindful that the squirming child didn't kick her stomach.

He needn't have worried. Hera was accustomed to sitting in Kara's lap and tenderly settled herself. She patted Kara's stomach again. "Hi baby."

The adults avoided eye contact. It was a temporary escape.

"Appo see Kara baby?" Their eyes flew together and locked. Hera continued. "See the baby?" She reached out for Lee's hand, intent on "showing" him.

Lee balked and looked to Kara for guidance. There was a moment's hesitation in her eyes, but then she nodded. "It's ok Lee," she said softly.

For only the second time, Lee found his hand being guided to her stomach. This time there was no kick. Instead, he felt gentle movement, like a ripple or a stream of bubbles.

"Is it…?"

"Been moving around for the last fifteen minutes of so. Can't seem to find a comfortable position."

They looked at each other deeply, and for the first time since Kara had returned, they smiled at each other. A real, genuine, honest smile.

The moment was broken by Hera scooting of Kara's lap. "Nana time!"

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"Nana time" segued into dinnertime, which was followed by playtime in Kara's quarters. After that came bath time, then story time, and, finally, bedtime.

Through it all Lee never left Kara's side.

He'd stayed with them through dinner, even though it was much earlier than he usually ate. He'd walked them back to Kara's quarters and, thanks to Hera's insistence that he play "Vipes" again, stayed with them until it was time for Hera's shower. By that point, it seemed only natural that he would read Hera on of her stories and stay around for her to fall asleep in Kara's bed.

But now she was asleep, and with the buffer gone, he suddenly felt self-conscious and unsure. He could tell Kara was feeling the same way. When he saw her yawn, he took the easy way out. "I should probably get going."

Kara nodded towards the door and glanced back at Hera. Lee understood and the pair walked quietly out into the deserted hallway.

"Thanks," Kara said. "For the help today."

"It was nothing. Hera's real easy."

"You're good with her," she blurted. The second part of that statement remained unspoken, but Lee heard it anyway.

"I just play Viper with her. The rest of the stuff…." He stopped himself. He didn't want to go down this road, not yet. "So what'd you think of those bananas?"

Kara laughed in spite of herself. "Oh Gods, what was that stuff? I can't believe she actually enjoyed it!"

"You have to admit, it's pretty amazing they were able to make processed algae taste somewhat like a banana."

"Yeah, a rotten one!" Kara's smile faded as she unconsciously put her hands to her belly. "But I guess if you don't know what the real thing is…"

"Hey," Lee said softly, moving closer to her. Without hesitating he put his hand to her stomach. "They will. One day."

They stood there for a long moment, father, mother and child.

Then the baby kicked. Its parents smiled.

"I think that's my cue," said Lee.

"Yeah. I should get to sleep. Busy day terrorizing nuggets tomorrow."

"Just don't scare them too much."

"You're no fun."

Lee gave her stomach one last touch and then turned. "Good night Kara."

"Good night Lee."

She watched him round the corner and then stepped back into her quarters. She changed silently and then slipped into bed beside Hera.

For the first time since her return, Kara fell asleep with a smile on her face.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: This chapter is...eh. It's ok. Kinda filler, but needed to get to the next chapter, which I've been waiting to write for a while now. That chapter is dinner. Here, I present the salad. Enjoy!

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Kara straightened the front of her dress blues and tried to pull the jacket down just a _little_ bit further. She'd taken out the pants as much as she could, and even then she still had to leave the top button undone. Her jacket mostly covered that fashion faux pas…as long as it would stay _down_.

With one last frustrated tug Kara gave up. She'd just have to stand behind the podium and hope to find some bigger clothes. Fast.

There was a knock at the hatch. "Come in," Kara called over her shoulder.

"Mommy!!" Hera cried, running into Sharon's arms.

"Hey baby. Did you have fun last night?"

"Yes," Hera said in an excited, almost frantic voice. "Played hiding and shower and stories and Kara and Appo and me ate nanas."

"Oh _really_," said Sharon, arching an eyebrow at Kara. "You and Kara and Apollo, huh?"

Kara rolled her eyes. "He just ate with us."

"And said story!"

That earned Kara another pointed look. This was getting to be too much. "How was your night Sharon? Hope Helo didn't ride you hard." _Ha, that'd shut her up!_

"Actually, I was the one doing most of the riding," Sharon said nonchalantly. Kara dropped the wings she'd been trying to pin on. "Hey, you asked."

"I didn't need that much detail," Kara muttered. "And for the record, Lee was out of here by 2030. And nothing happened."

"I believe that," said Sharon, setting Hera down and pinning on the wings for Kara. She glanced at the manila envelope on the table. "You still going to give him those?"

Kara shrugged. "I don't know. He's on probation."

"Probation?"

"Yeah. One night isn't about to change my mind."

"You want my advice? You should chuck those papers out the airlock and pray to your gods Lee never finds out about it."

"He'd probably dive out there after them. Those papers are his way out of this. You don't think he wouldn't hesitate to take it?"

"No," said Sharon firmly. "I don't. And I think you even threatening to do this is wrong." She looked at Hera. "No parent should ever be forced away from their child."

Kara sighed. "I'm not trying to force him away. Just trying to give him what he wants."

"How do you even know what he wants? Have you two discussed this?" Kara shrugged. "Just promise you'll talk to him before you give those to him, ok? Please?"

"Please?" echoed Hera, completely unaware of what was going on.

"That's cheating."

"But it works."

"Yeah, ok. I'll talk to him." Kara gathered up her folders and other materials. "Now, I have strike the fear of the gods into some nuggets."

"Have fun with that."

"Oh don't think that I won't."

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She could hear them chattering away in the Ready Room. Happy, excited, laced with anticipation and, yes, maybe just a little fear. Their bios listed them as eight men, five women, between the ages of 18 and 24. _Eighteen_, Kara thought. _Practically babies._ These kids were ten years her junior. Not that she'd been much older when she first stepped into a Viper, but still.

Outside the backdoor, she allowed herself a few moments to psyche herself up. She rubbed a hand over her stomach. "I gotta do some yelling now, ok? But don't be scared. It's actually a lot of fun. Ok?" Her child kicked. "Ok, let's go."

She steeled her face, straightened her shoulders, and yanked open the hatch.

"Attention on deck!" she barked. Now one moved. They never did on the first day. "That means on your feet nuggets!" It took half a second for this to sink in, and then they were almost falling over each other to stand.

"At ease." Again no one moved. "That means you can sit your asses back down." They did. Kara mentally rolled her eyes. She could imagine her child doing the same thing.

"My name is Captain Thrace. Pilots and my friends call me Starbuck. You are neither so you can refer to me as God. Because that is what I am to you. I will tell you when to sleep, when to eat, when to fly, and if you need such additional guidance, when to wipe your ass. You listen to me and you'll live. You don't, and you'll die. This isn't some video game, boys and girls, this is the Colonial Fleet and we are at war. You don't have the balls for this, there's the door. This is a one time offer." She waited a moment to see if there would be takers. There never were.

"Good. Then let's get started." She settled behind the podium and pointed to the diagrams and charts behind her. "This is the Mark II. She's old but she's easy to maneuver. We have a few Mark VIIs aboard but don't delude yourself into thinking you'll be flying those anytime soon. Now the control panel can be divided into three sections- _Who the frak is talking while I am?_"

The class instantly fell silent. The nuggets in the front row looked up, eyes wide with fear. Heads turned to the back row, in the corner. Kara's eyes settled there as well. The man stared back at her, then finally raised his hand. "It was me."

Kara glared at him. He looked 16, at the most. "You Bruni?" she asked. Bruni was the youngest nugget in this bunch.

"No Sir, God, Sir," he replied cockily. "I'm Wagner. Jonas Wagner."

Kara looked down at her roster. Wagner was 24, from Picon. "Well, Wagner. Maybe you can share what it was that you thought to be more important than my lecture."

"I was just wondering, God, when you'd be blessing us with the birth of a new deity. And how it would feel for you to know we were up in the air long before you were."

Kara smiled a smile that held no joy. It was feral, ferocious. She stepped out from behind the podium and stalked up towards him. "My kid is due in about four more months. Thank you for asking. Because of your interest and eternally….youthful…appearance, you'll now be referred to as Fetus." Slight giggles emanated from the others. "Is something funny?" she snapped. The giggling stopped. "Call signs are a vitally important part of a pilot's life. It is the name all pilots and personnel will call you. It will stay with you the rest of your life." She turned back to Fetus. "And once you get one, you can never change it." She turned back to the stage. "Oh, and Fetus? One more misstep and I guarantee I will see the inside of a Viper before you do." She shuffled her papers, more for effect than any real organization. "Now, the Mark II's control panel…."

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Four hours and one "field trip" to the Hanger Deck later, Kara dismissed the nuggets from their first day. "Orient yourself with the ship. And get some sleep tonight. There's a briefing at 0800 tomorrow I expect you all to be at. You can at least pretend to be real pilots for an hour," she called as they gathered their materials and exited the room. Kara looked down at her lesson plans, noting where she had stopped, what she'd had to leave out and where to begin next time. She felt more than saw the person standing in front of her. "What do you need nugget?"

"I was wondering if you could tell me where the bathroom was," a deep voice said.

Kara jumped to attention. "I'm sorry Admiral, I didn't know…"

"It's ok Kara. Rode them pretty hard today, huh?"

"As always sir."

"Did Fetus give you anymore trouble?"

"How do you know about that?"

"I was watching from the back entrance."

She bristled slightly at that. "Checking up on me?"

"I just like watching the pros at work. May I?"

"You know you're the only one who doesn't need to ask."

Adama smiled warmly as he placed his hands on her stomach. "How's my grandchild today?"

Kara balked. "Did Lee…?"

"No. He didn't need to. Neither did you. You two are easier to read than you think."

Kara eyed him carefully. "When did the President tell you?"

"About three minutes after I told her you were pregnant. But, in my defense, once it was pointed out to me I noticed it right away."

"The President is a smart woman."

"That she is." He paused for a moment, then drew back his hands. "So how are you doing Kara?"

"I'm fine sir." He gave her a dubious look. "Honest, I am."

"You'll let me know if that changes." It wasn't a question.

"Of course."

"Good. And if Lee needs some sense knocked into him…"

"That I can do myself."

"Is that your way of telling me to mind my own business?"

"Would you put me in hack if I said yes?"

Adama smiled slightly and held up his hands. "Ok, I won't interfere. Yet."

"Thank you."

With another pat to her stomach, Adama turned to leave. "Good hunting Starbuck."

He was almost out the hatch when Kara called to him. "Are you really ok with this?"

Adama turned around and paused for a moment. "Well, it's not exactly how I expected to become a grandfather, but I know that things have a way of getting out of order."

"That's not what I meant."

"I know." Again a pause. "It surprised me, you and Lee. Apparently I was the only one who didn't see it."

"Not the only one."

"If this had all happened a year ago, I don't know what I would have thought. But now…" A private smile appeared on his lips. "You can love more than one person in your life. Doesn't mean you forget the first one. Just means you appreciate the second one all the more. Does that make any sense?"

Kara nodded. "More than you know."

Her child kicked.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: So sorry for the delay. Thanks to all for the reviews! They truly are like crack.

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"Knock Knock," Helo called as he entered Kara's quarters, Hera trailing at his heels.

"Who there?" Hera asked automatically.

Kara laughed from her position on the couch. She'd spent the afternoon hours under a Viper and was now going over lesson plans for the next day. "Teaching her bad jokes already huh?"

"Hey. She's just a quick learner with a very sophisticated sense of humor," replied Helo, tossing Hera in the air before settling her on his hip. Hera squealed with delight at the action. "So Starbuck- You working hard or hardly working?"

"Ha. I wish. Most of these kids have never even seen a Viper. Gotta lot of work to do before they can go for their first ride." She marked through a line on one of her sheets of paper, adding something else.

Helo grabbed it from her. "Well, you aren't going to fix all that tonight." He put the paper on the table. "Come to the Mess with us."

"Thanks, but I really need to get this done. I'll just get something to eat later."

"You _really_ want to come now."

She eyed him suspiciously. "Why?"

"Party!" Hera chirped.

"Hera!" Helo admonished. "What did we just take about?"

"Oh." Hera put her finger to her lips and turned to Kara. "Shhh. Secret."

"Party huh? Will there be cake?"

Helo rolled his eyes. "It's not what you think. Just us and the Tyrols and a deck of cards. And something from Tigh."

"Then I'm _definitely_ not going."

"Oh come on Kara stop being so stubborn. It's your first day back on your real job. That's all this is. I swear." Kara still looked uncomfortable. Helo's voice softened. "Kara, the whole ship knows you're pregnant. Most of them have figured out who the dad is. Now will you stop hiding in here and come have some fun?"

"Please?" Hera asked.

Kara chuckled as she straightened her papers and stood. "You realize you and Sharon have that kid trained good, right?"

Helo smiled as he ushered them out the hatch. "That's why I brought her along."

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They ended up not in the Mess, but in the Rec Room. This early in the evening most of the younger crowd was still on duty or catching a nap, only coming out after 2100 or so. As such, the "vets," as the nuggets had taken to calling those who had been in the service since the First Attacks, had the room pretty much to themselves.

"Nicky!" Hera exclaimed, running to the small boy. He bounced on Cally's lap.

Sharon turned, smiling with not a small amount of relief. The Agathons and Tyrols had come to be friendly, mainly because of their children. Helo got along fine with both Galen and Cally, but there were still plenty of awkward moments between the two wives. "How'd you get her outta her cave?" Sharon asked.

"I'm just here for the cards," said Kara.

"Captain Thrace," a female voice said, entering the room. "Welcome back, Sir."

"Thanks," Kara snuck a glance at the pips, "Lieutenant."

Seelix smiled and stuck out her hand. "Gimbals, actually."

Kara shook it, laughing slightly. "It's a good call sign."

"We were pretty happy the CAG listened to our suggestion," said Tyrol from his position at the table.

"I hope you don't mind…Chief said I should drop by…"

"Course not." Seelix had never bothered Kara. That was the main reason she'd accepted her to Basic Flight.

"So," said Helo, clapping his hands together. "Let's get this started, huh? Where's that thing from Tigh?"

"Right here," said Cally, pointing to the seat beside her.

"Ok," Helo navigated Kara to her seat. "Close your eyes."

"What?"

"Play nice Kara and close your eyes."

Kara complied. She heard something heavy being placed on the table. "Is it ticking?" she asked.

"Would we be here if it was? You can look now."

Placed in front of her was a bottle of ambrosia. "What an ass!" Kara exclaimed. "Who gives a pregnant woman booze?"

"That's just the bottle," Cally quickly explained. "Go ahead, open it."

Still suspicious, Kara opened the bottle and sniffed. It didn't smell like alcohol. In fact it smelled like…She took a taste. Yup, it was. "No way. Where did he get real apple juice?"

"We thought it better not to ask," supplied Helo. "Nowhere legal, though, you can count on that."

Kara took another sip as Hera scampered into her lap. "Me too?"

"Sure kiddo," Kara gave her a sip. "What do you think of real apples?"

Hera made a face and the juice dribbled down her chin. "That no appwles. Nasty," she said with an exaggerated shudder. The adults laughed and Nicky clapped his hands.

Sharon produced the deck and began to shuffle. "Now, before you get too excited Kara, there's something you need to know. We don't really bet."

"What?"

The Chief was busy handing out washers and bolts. "These," he held up a bolt, "are worth one. Washers are worth five. Points, I mean. Really all the winner gets is bragging rights."

Kara looked at her cards. Full Colors. She smirked. "That's fine Chief." She threw in a washer and three bolts to start. "Bragging rights are all I need."

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Lee signed his name to one last report and sighed. The mountain of paperwork was finally done- or as done as it was going to get tonight. He glanced at his watch. 1945. Earlier that day Sharon had ducked in his office to tell him about the Triad game being organized for Kara. She'd hinted quite strongly that Lee should stop by. The fact that she had come by herself indicated to Lee that neither Helo nor Kara knew he was invited.

It was probably a bad idea to go, he told himself. If Kara was having fun, he didn't want his presence to ruin her evening. The night before had been a big step towards mending bridges, but even he wasn't dense enough to think all would be forgiven. Especially since they had yet to have a real conversation about their and their child's future.

So dropping by the Rec Room was definitely not what Lee was going to do tonight. But he _did_ have to pass by there to get the bunkroom. Surely peeking in through the hatch, unnoticed, would be fine.

His heart tightened at what he saw. Kara looked happier than he'd seen her in ages- definitely since before New Caprica, maybe even as far back as before Kobol. The whole table was laughing and chatting. Much to Lee's surprise, it seemed that even Sharon and Cally were getting along. In Kara's lap, Hera held Kara's cards. Every now and then Kara would whisper in Hera's ear how many cards to take. On the last one, he saw Kara smile softly, then quickly fade, replaced by a neutral expression. Lee smiled to himself. She had Full Colors.

He was about to move along when he saw it. Kara reached down to her side, pulled up an ambrosia bottle, and proceeded to take a long drag from it.

Something snapped in Lee. Anger, disappointment, and disbelief exploded inside him. He thought she had changed. _And now she was drinking while pregnant with his child!?!_ Had he been calmer, Lee would have realized this was the first time he really admitted to himself that it was truly his child she was carrying. Under the present circumstances, though, his only thought was to get Kara alone and give her one hell of a verbal thrashing.

He stalked inside the Rec Room, trying to remain calm for propriety's sake. Helo noticed him first, shooting Sharon a quick look. Sharon gave him a shrug that clearly said, "And what?"

"Hey Apollo," Helo called. "Glad you stopped by."

Lee nodded to everyone then turned his attention to Kara. "Starbuck." His voice had only the slightest tremor.

"Hey Lee," she said brightly.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Kara gave him an odd look. "Winning, sir," she said. To Hera she whispered, "Go ahead."

Hera slammed the cards down dramatically on the table. "Full Colors!" she giggled. The table groaned.

"We need to talk," Lee said stiffly.

"Can't it wait? If it's about the nuggets…"

"It's not about the nuggets. We need to talk. Now." The last word was emphasized with a tug on her arm.

Kara set Hera down and then stood, facing him. "What the frak is your problem?" she asked, trying to keep her voice down.

Lee only glared at her. "Now, Captain." He really shouldn't have pulled rank in such a situation, but he was too angry to care. He took her by the arm and escorted her out to the corridor, shutting the hatch behind him.

The rest of the table was speechless for a moment. It was Seelix who finally spoke. "What the frak was that all about?"

Sharon was staring at the bottle. "Oh no," she said, looking at Helo. "You don't think he…?"

Helo shook his head. "Someone should set him straight." The other adults looked at him expectantly. "Uh-uh," he said. "No way. I'm done with those two."

"Karl…"

"Frak!" Helo stood up, grabbing the bottle. "But this is the last frakking time, alright?"

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As soon as the hatch closed Kara started pulling away from him. "What is your problem?"

"My problem? You don't know?" He tried to keep his voice low in the busy corridor. He grabbed her hand, pulling them into a small alcove.

"With you, it could be anything. Now let me _go_!"

"What were you thinking Kara, huh? What the frak was going through your mind?"

"I was playing Triad Lee. What, you want to keep me locked up? Scared people will see me like this and realize that their CAG is not the poster boy for fidelity?"

"Joke all you want Kara. We're going to see Cottle, _now_."

"What the frak for?"

"What the frak for?" Lee was dangerously close to exploding. "To see if your drinking has hurt my child!"

Kara turned on him suddenly. "Your child?!" she snarled ferociously. "_Your child_? This kid might have you blood, but it is not yours. Hell, it isn't even _ours_. Ever since I came back, you've avoiding me, avoiding _us_, and now all of a sudden it's YOUR CHILD?!?!" She practically screamed the last part.

"What the frak did you expect me to do Kara? You disappear- _again_- for five months…"

"Don't you _dare_ compare this to Caprica…"

"You were dead Kara. Do you get that? I saw your Viper explode. I watched that empty coffin go out the frakkin' airlock. I didn't just mourn you- _I died with you_. I lost my wife because of you. I was just starting to get my life back together again when you show up, pregnant, and frak it all up again. I didn't ask for this- Hell, I don't even know if I _want _this."

"Oh poor Lee, you're life is so hard. Forget that I'm the one carrying the baby while its father wants nothing to do with it." She paused for a moment, putting on a thinking face. "Hey, didn't you always say when you had a kid, you'd always be around, be the dad the Old Man hadn't been?" Lee tensed. "You're doing a great job with that."

It was a low blow. They both knew it. The question was whether Lee could go lower. He stepped close til they were toe to toe. "How do you even know it's mine, huh? With you, it could be half the guys' on this ship. Hell, Kara, are you really sure _Baltar's_ not the dad?"

Before Kara could open her mouth to respond a loud whistle broke them apart. "Alright guys," said Helo. "This can all be explained."

Lee turned his head. "I'll deal with you in a minute Helo. How could you let her drink…"

WHAM.

The punch came out of nowhere. Kara's left hook landed right beside his right eye, causing Lee to stumble back. But only for a second. Acting on instinct, Lee drew his right arm back for a retaliating punch.

Helo tackled him against the bulkhead. "What the frak Apollo! She's pregnant!"

"No it's ok Karl let him try." Kara was trying to get around Helo to get another blow in on Lee.

Helo positioned himself between the two. "Dammit Kara stand down!" Arms holding each in place, Helo continued, "No more fighting. Use your words."

There was silence for a few moments. Sensing they were calming down, Helo released his grip on both of them. The moment he did, Kara started moving.

"Yeah, I got some words," she was in Lee's face before Helo could stop her, twisting his tanks in her hands. "You want out Lee? Fine, you're out. For good. Stay the frak away from me Adama, me and _my_ child, or I'll give you more than just a black eye." With that she turned and moved as fast as her body would let her.

Helo watched her go and then turned on Lee. "What did you say to her? What did you do?"

"What did I do?" Lee shouted. "You're the one letting her drink."

Helo pushed the bottle into Lee's hands. "You really think we're that dumb? It's apple juice. Try it if you don't believe me."

Lee did and then groaned, sliding down the bulkhead til he was sitting on the floor.

"Gonna tell me know what you said?"

"I don't know. We were both aiming below the belt. I…" he rubbed the spot where she'd punched him. "I said I didn't want the baby."

"Do you?"

"No! I mean, yeah, I want the kid. I finally got that figured out."

"Then why…"

"Because I knew it would hurt her. Because that's how Kara and I fight- whoever hurts the other the most wins." He stood up. "I need to fix this."

"Yeah, good luck. You're gonna want to wait a bit."

Lee shook his head. "No. I need to fix this now."

"Your funeral Apollo. I'm not gonna be there to hold her back this time."

Lee gave him a small smile. "Then it's a good thing I'm finally faster than her. Can't hit what you can't catch." With that he took off down the corridor, leaving Helo standing by himself.

After a moment, Sharon came out of the Rec Room, a sleepy Hera in her arms. "I take it the evening is over huh?"

"Oh yeah." Helo took the toddler out of her arms and settled her against his shoulder.

Hera lifted her head up slightly. "Frak, Daddy," she said knowingly. "Frak."

Helo shot Sharon a surprised look. She just closed her eyes and shook her head. "We'll deal with it tomorrow. Besides, it's not like she was never going to learn it."

Helo adjusted Hera on his hip and wrapped his other arm around his wife's waist. Kissing her hairline, he whispered, "I'm so glad we're a normal family."


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: FINALLY got this to upload. See A/N Below.

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He turned the corner to see her stepping into her quarters. "Kara!"

She turned, surprised, then hurriedly got inside. Lee sprinted down the corridor, practically sliding past her door. He got there just in time to hear the dull _thud _of the locking mechanism. "Kara, come on, open the door." No response. He knocked loudly. "Kara, let me in."

"What part of 'stay the frak away' did you not understand?" came the venomous answer.

"I didn't mean it. We need to talk." Silence. Lee felt his patience slipping. He slammed his hand against the hatch. "Dammit Kara! I can be just as stubborn as you! I'm not leaving til you let me in there!!"

Again there was silence, stretching out over several unbearable seconds. It was finally punctuated by the soft scraping of the hatch unlocking and the subtle squeak as it opened slightly. Lee pushed it open the rest of the way and entered her quarters, closing the door behind him. He found her sitting on the couch holding a manila envelope. Hesitating slightly, he crossed the room to sit next to her, setting the bottle on the table.

"Where did you get real apple juice?"

"Tigh gave it to me."

Lee forced a small laugh, trying to lighten the mood. "How you two got to be best friends, I'll never know."

But Kara was having none of his levity. Stone-faced, she handed him the envelope. "I need you to sign these."

Lee felt his heart rate speed up. Whatever was in that envelope couldn't be good. "What are they?"

"What you obviously want."

_I, Lee Adama, terminate any and all parental rights and responsibilities to the child, carried by Kara Thrace, to be named later, hereafter referred to as Child Thrace…_

That was as far as Lee got. "You're terminating my rights?!"

"No. _You_ are. I believe you're familiar with this, even if it wasn't legal then."

Lee stared at her. There was no way she could know about that…could she? He found his voice to ask, "And if something happens to you?"

She pointed to the next page. "He goes to Helo and Sharon."

"He?"

Kara rolled her eyes. "Or she. I don't know yet. Not that that's the point."

Lee looked back at the document, the one giving guardianship of his and Kara's child. Helo had signed. Sharon hadn't. "Are they letting her sign?"

Kara nodded. "She refuses to do it until after you do."

Lee placed the papers back on the table. "I'm not signing."

"The frak you are," she growled. "This is so typical of you Lee. You only want what you can't have, and only when you can't have it. You can do that to me, but I won't let you pull around our kid like that." She placed a pen on top of the papers. Looking him straight in the eyes, she echoed the words he had used a few days before. "Please don't make this any harder than it already is." With that, she got up and went into the head, closing the door behind her.

Lee stared at the pen resting on top of the papers. He couldn't deny it, even to himself, that her offer wasn't tempting. Had Gianne offered him this out, he would have taken it in a heartbeat. Hell, that was one of the reasons he'd never really tried to find her after she ran away from him that day.

But Kara wasn't Gianne.

And this wasn't just _her_ child. Wasn't just _his_.

It was _theirs_.

That was how it'd been conceived, and Lee was damned if it was going to be raised any other way.

Carefully, he pushed open the door to the head and stepped inside. Kara's hands gripped the sink, head bowed down in such a way that her long hair hid her face. She didn't move, but Lee could hear her uneven, shaky breathing.

He laid a cautious hand on her back and, while she flinched slightly, she didn't recoil. Slowly he rubbed her back, running his hand up and down in what he hoped was a soothing manner.

Kara sniffed and tried to cover it with a fake cough. "Have you signed yet?"

"No."

"How come?"

"Because. I don't want to." Lee reached for her and tilted her chin so he could see her face. "And I don't think you really want me to either."

She turned quickly away from him. "Give me a minute," she said hoarsely. There was no way she was letting him see her cry.

"Kara…"

"I said give me a minute!" She exhaled. "Please."

She sensed rather than saw his nod. "Ok."

Once the door closed she took several deep, calming breaths. Something akin to hope bubbled in her chest, and Kara tried unsuccessfully to stifle it. Splashing her face with cold water, she tried to remove any sign of her tears. Though her eyes were still puffy and red, she dried her face and then opened the bathroom door.

Lee was sitting on her bed, his own eyes slightly reddish. "You ok?"

Kara leaned against the doorway, crossing her arms. Ignoring his question, she said, "You're the one who wanted to talk. So talk."

Lee looked down at his hands and let out a sigh. "I didn't mean it, what I said before. I know its mine. I want it to be mine." He looked up and met her eyes. "I want to be a part of its life."

"Then why did you say those things?"

"Why did you say that thing about me and my dad?"

"Because it was true," she replied bluntly.

Lee gave a sharp gasp of a laugh. "Yeah, I guess that's fair." He looked back down at his hands. "I won't sign them," he finally said. "Tell me what I need to say, what I need to do, to make this right. I know I've frakked up Kara but if you let me try again…"

He stopped speaking as she stepped back into the bathroom. He started to panic just as she came back out, holding a washcloth. Crossing to the table, she got some ice, wrapping it in the cloth. Gingerly, she put the compact to his face.

"Got you good, didn't I?"

He smiled. "I've had worse."

"You're just lucky it wasn't my right fist."

Lee placed his hand over hers, rubbing circles with his thumb. His other hand reached out to hold her free one.

"I need to know what's changed," she said softly.

"I was scared," he replied. "I was….Kara when you died I stopped living. And then you were back, and all those feelings I hadn't let myself feel all came back and I would look at you and I…I couldn't breath and the baby and it was all just so much and it was easier to just shut down again but then…" his ramblings were silenced by a small kiss.

"I didn't mean that. I meant what's changed between now, with me, and then….with Gianne."

Lee jerked back. "How did you…?"

"Zak. And you didn't answer my question."

Lee stood up, tossing the ice on the table so he could put his hands on her hips. He waited for her eyes to meet his before he answered. "I wasn't in love with Gianne."

Kara nodded and sat on the bunk. "So what do we do now?"

"I'm not marrying you."

Kara snorted. "And people say _I_ have no tact." She maneuvered herself so she could lie down.

"I didn't mean it like that. It's just…Mom was pregnant when she and Dad got married. I'm _why_ they got married."

"How do you know?"

"Because I can do basic math." He climbed into the bunk, lying next to her.

She looked at him sharply. "You're not staying the night."

"I wasn't planning to."

"Just as long as you keep that in mind." After a moment, she added, "Besides, even if you did ask, I wouldn't say yes."

Lee grinned. "Yes you would."

"I hate to break it to you Lee, but you are not as irresistible as most of the Fleet thinks you are."

"Maybe not." He propped himself up on his elbow so he could look down at her. "But I would be around for midnight feedings."

Kara rolled her eyes, but placed his hand on her stomach. Lee felt the baby moving around, kicking every so often. Before he even knew what he was doing, he leaned down and placed a small kiss just above her belly button.

She groaned. "Lords, you're gonna be one of _those_ dads," she teased.

"Look who's talking. I've seen you with Hera. This kid is going to have you totally whipped, Starbuck."

She laughed, then sobered. "Seriously though Lee. What do we do now?"

He settled back next to her while his free hand continued rubbing her belly. "I don't know. We'll have to work out a schedule, I guess. Work the duty rotations so one of us always has him. I could sleep here a few nights a week."

She gave him an arched look. "That's a bit presumptuous, don't you think?"

"I meant on the couch. I could stay on the couch."

She nodded, biting her bottom lip. Then she punched him in the shoulder.

"Hey!" It hadn't really hurt, but it was definitely unexpected. "What was that for?"

"You're getting a little too comfy here Apollo. I'm still pissed at you, and you still have a lot more sucking up to do before I'm not." There was a lightness in her voice, but Lee knew her well enough to know she was also serious.

He responded in kind. "I'm guessing this will involve performance evals."

"To say the least." She gently stroked his face. "You had me scared Lee. I thought I was alone in this. I can't do this by myself."

"I know. And you won't have to. I'm not going anywhere, you believe that, right?"

She shrugged. "I want to, but…"

He cut her off, kissing her deeply. "Do you believe that?"

She nodded, pulling him down for an even more passionate kiss. Lee angled his body, covering her as much as he could without squashing her stomach. He tried to chase away every doubt she had, to convince her that while he'd frakked up up to this point, he had no intention of continuing to do so.

After a long while they finally separated, although their foreheads kept them connected.

"You're still not staying the night."

Lee smiled. "Then in that case I better go before this gets any…"

"Harder?" She winked.

"I was going to say further. But yours works too." He sat up. "Are we ok?"

She nodded, sitting up as well. "We will be. One step at a time, Lee."

"Yeah." He opened the hatch and stepped out into the corridor.

Kara leaned against the open door. "I have an appointment tomorrow with Cottle. At 1530."

"I'll be there. If you want, I mean."

"You better be, or else I'll give you a matching bruise."

He couldn't resist. He cupped her cheek and gave her one last, tender kiss. "I'll see you then."

"See you then." She shut the hatch and Lee headed to the bunkroom.

By some minor miracle, he and Kara were back. And he was determined to keep it that way.

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A/N: Hope this wasn't too fluffy, but I didn't want to drag out Lee being an ass and them fighting any longer, especially since, like I said before, this story has a long way to go. How long, you ask? Well, if this were a five act play, we'd be about halfway through the first act. Again, thanks for all the reviews!!!


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: Just a fluffy little chapter. Even BSG needs some happiness, right? This was going to be longer, but I decided to break it up. Second part should be up soon. Again, hanks for all the reviews!

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Lee rushed through the corridor, flight suit sticking to his sweaty skin. Of all the days, of all the _frakkin'_ days for there to be a problem with Launchtube C….

In sickbay he grabbed the arm of the nearest medic. "Captain Thrace. Do you know where she is?"

"Umm…I think she went into Exam 4."

The curtain of Exam 4 revealed a calm Ishay and an irate Kara.

"You're late," she scowled while the Medic took her blood pressure. Kara wrinkled her nose. "And you smell."

Ishay bit back a laugh as she recorded Kara's numbers and removed the arm wrap.

"I know," said Lee, catching his breath. "I'm sorry." He leaned down to kiss her, but Kara pulled back. Her eyes darted to Ishay's back. Reluctantly, Lee took his seat by the bed.

"Things are looking well, Captain Thrace. I'll just get Doctor Cottle and we can start with the sonogram." She couldn't help but add, "I think you'll want to see this Major Adama, so don't wander off too far."

"I doubt that will be a problem," replied Kara, eyes locked on Lee.

"I didn't believe it would." With that, Ishay closed the curtain, giving the couple a small bit of privacy.

The second she did, Kara reached out for the collar of Lee's flight suit, pulling him close and kissing him breathless.

"I have to admit," Lee said a few moments later. "I've been looking forward to that all day."

"Really?" said Kara, arching an eyebrow. "And yet you were," she looked at his watch, "thirteen minutes late."

"I know, but it couldn't be helped."

"I'm sure."

"No, really. I was supposed to land at 1500 but the next CAP was late launching. Hot Dog was stuck in Launchtube C for fifteen minutes before they could get it re-pressurized and move him to another tube. I didn't even hit the deck til 1535."

"And you made it all the way down here in eight minutes?" Lee nodded. "That's kind of impressive Apollo."

"Does that mean I'm forgiven?"

Kara gave him a look. "I was never _really_ mad at you. I figured something had happened on the deck."

"But?"

"But," she sighed and shrugged. "I just thought, you know. What if you'd changed your mind. About last night."

"Kara," he took one of her hands in his. "I'm not changing my mind, and I'm not leaving. You gotta trust me of that."

She looked at him sharply. "Trust is a two-way street Lee."

Before he could respond, the curtain was ripped back as Cottle, sans cigarette, entered the area. "About time you showed up," he shot at Lee as he attached a belt-looking device to Kara's stomach. He flipped a few switches and suddenly the room was filled with soft noise.

_WhooshWhooshWhooshWhoosh._

"What's that?"

"It's the heartbeat," Kara answered Lee's question.

"I see you're the doctor now," Cottle muttered.

"Isn't it a little fast?"

"It's right where we want it to be." Cottle turned off the machine and pulled over the monitor. "And now, it's picture time." The slightest hint of a smile danced across the old codger's lips as he applied some goo-like substance to a wand and placed it on Kara's stomach.

Kara jumped a little as it hit her skin. "It's cold."

"Didn't they do this on that damned ship of theirs?" Cottle asked.

"Yeah they did. Still feels weird." She glared as Cottle leaned close to the monitor. "They also never let me see the picture."

"You'll get your turn."

Lee stood up, arching his neck, but Kara pulled him back. "Hey. No sneak peaks. You don't get to see him before I do."

"Actually," said Cottle. "No one's seeing him."

"Excuse me?"

"What the frak?"

The smile on Cottle's lips was in full bloom now as he turned the monitor around. "You can, however, see _her_."

The picture was grainy and colorless, but the image was unmistakable. They could see the head, two arms, and two little legs, both moving about.

Lee sat down, almost missing his chair, so focused was he on the monitor. His hand sought out Kara's, and upon finding it he felt her grip his tightly. "It's a girl?"

"That is what I meant by 'her.'" Cottle snorted. "Which is apparently all that was needed to render Starbuck speechless." He was right; Kara was staring at the monitor with a far-off look in her eyes. He continued. "The fetus looks good. Nice size, good movement. Looks like the limbs and internal organs are developing right on schedule." He double-checked his chart. "Right where we need to be at twenty-three weeks."

"What does that mean?" asked Lee.

"It means she's got seventeen more to go."

"Wait, what?" Kara turned her gaze from the monitor. "That's forty weeks."

"Yes."

"That's ten months. I thought this was only supposed to be nine."

Cottle laughed. "That's just a lie we like to tell. I want you back in two weeks for another check-up."

Kara nodded, but both her and Lee's attention were back on the monitor.

Cottle groaned. "Ishay!"

The young Medic stuck her head though the curtain. "Sir?"

"These two have gone squishy and I've got patients to see. Give them a few more minutes, but then I want them out of my sickbay." He handed off the sonogram wand to her. As he left, he shook his head. "Godsdammit, I thought you were pilots, not pansies."

But neither heard him. The only thing they saw was her.


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: So sorry for the longest delay yet. I had papers to write and finals to grade. But now I'm DONE with the semester and will hopefully have much more time to write. I hope you enjoy and aren't getting bored. Give me this chapter, and then the next one will be LONG and informative. And that's all the hints I'm giving.

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Adama tossed his folder on his desk and immediately began unbuttoning the collar of his jacket. Behind him he heard Roslin give a long sigh as she sank to the couch.

"Well, that was fun," she quipped.

Adama laughed weakly as he poured them both a glass of water. "Madame President, I have to respectfully ask that you no longer hold Quorum meetings on my ship."

Roslin almost shot her sip of water out her nose. "Do you have any suggestions, Admiral?"

"We just passed a barren rock planet. You could drop them off there for a few weeks."

"Don't think I haven't thought of it before." She patted his leg. "Thank you though. Really. I think I can hold them back for a while now."

"I'm actually surprised they didn't demand to see her sooner."

"Yes. Well," Roslin fidgeted slightly. "I didn't exactly _tell _them we had a captured Cylon until five weeks ago." She leaned back. "Tell me again why we haven't shot this one out an airlock yet?"

"She's been useful. I think she'll prove a valuable asset in time. She knows more than Athena- a lot more."

Roslin nodded. "You made a good pitch to the Quorum."

"It was the truth." He looked at his watch. "What time do you have to get back?"

"Not for a while. I was hoping we could get dinner?" Although they had grown so much closer over the years, there was still a bit of tentativeness in their relationship.

Adama took her hand in his. "That would be lovely, Laura. Let me clear a few things off my desk and I'll call down for something."

She smiled. "Sure."

At his desk Adama found a few reports that needed signing- nothing too important, just the normal, everyday paperwork needed to keep the ship running. At the bottom he found Kara's preliminary report on the newest batch of nuggets, attached to Lee's update of their uniform and sleeping arrangements. Adama grinned to himself; they must have done the report together if it had been delivered like this.

He almost missed the small envelope paper-clipped to the back of the folder. Written in Lee's neat print was "Baby Adama's First Picture." "Adama" had been crossed out, and above it, in Kara's scrawl, was written "Thrace's." Underneath, she had written, "PS- It's a girl."

Carefully, Adama opened the envelope, as if it itself held his granddaughter. The sight of the sonogram made his breath catch.

"You ok?" Roslin took a few steps off the couch.

Adama nodded. "Look," he waved the picture. "It's a girl."

Roslin smiled broadly. "Kara sent it to you."

"Kara and Lee." He paused. "That's going to take some getting used to. Saying that."

"I think you'll manage. Besides, pretty soon you'll have a nice little distraction."

Adama tilted the picture, squinting at it. "I think she has my eyes."

Roslin stifled her laugh when she saw he was serious. "I'm sure she does Bill."

Adama looked at the picture a moment longer, then tucked it into the corner of the frame holding the picture of him, Lee and Zak.

He could have sworn he saw Zak give the picture an approving nod.

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Hurrying as fast as she could through Galactica's corridors, Kara unconsciously pulled at her the front of her jacket. Except this time she didn't need to.

She kept forgetting that she finally had a uniform that fit her. And one that smelled just a bit like Lee.

Not that she'd ever admit, especially to him, that that was a perk.

It had been ten days since the ultra-sound. With fifteen and a half weeks to go, her old clothing could no longer be coaxed to fit around her enlarged stomach. As if waiting for the perfect moment, Lee had shown up outside her door last night with his "fat suit," as he had called it.

Kara had laughed when she unfolded the pants. "I'm not having twins, Lee," she joked. But it was Lee who had the last laugh, after she'd tried it on. The uniform fit almost perfectly; it would be almost too tight by the time she delivered.

After their talk, and especially after seeing their daughter on the monitor, the two had been practically inseparable. Kara wasn't sure what to call it; Helo had teased that they were dating. Not that Kara was an expert, but she didn't think most dates involved flight schedules and progress reports.

Because that's what they did. Every night, for the past ten days, they'd ended up either in Lee's office or Kara's quarters doing paper work, which always gave way to talking and Triad. It just happened that way. Sort of like the way they always seemed to find each other in the Mess at the same time. Or find each other in the corridor, walking in the same direction. It was like their old friendship, back when the worlds had just ended but _their_ world hadn't. But it wasn't like that at all. There was an ease to them now that had never been there before.

Not that there wasn't passion- there was, in spades. She felt it every time Lee kissed her goodnight at her door.

Kara groaned inwardly. Maybe Helo was right.

Pushing thoughts of Lee aside, she entered the Ready Room. The nuggets had been progressing well; she'd taken them through the interior of the cockpit, simple and complex maneuvers, and more theory than even she could manage. She hadn't told them yet, but in a few days the first wave of them would be going up for their first real flight.

She was halfway through walking them through Gimbals' gun footage when all hell broke loose.

The claxons went off. Gaeta's voice, firm but calm, filtered through the system. "Action Stations, Action Stations. Set Condition One throughout the ship."

"Stay put," she ordered, leaving the room and surveying the hall. Pilots ran by, zipping up flight suits and attaching holsters. "Hot Dog!" The former nugget slowed down as he passed her. "You know what's going on?"

He shrugged. "Best guess? They found us." With that he sped off down the hall.

"Frakking-A," Kara muttered to herself. The last Cylon attack had been three weeks before her return. The Fleet had just started to feel safe again. _So much for that._ For the first time since coming back, Kara wished-fleetingly- that she wasn't pregnant. Her people –her friends- needed her out there. _She_ needed to be out there.

Turning back into the Ready Room, she was greeted with the soothing sounds of Dee's voice. "Copy that Narcho. Alert Fighters are launching now. ETA of three minutes."

"Who turned on the wireless?" Her students answered in silence. Kara glared. "Fetus?"

He waved his hands in front of him. "I swear God, it wasn't…"

"Shut up." Kara rolled her eyes. He'd actually straightened up after the first class, performing extremely well on all the written quizzes. Turning to the wireless, Kara turned up the volume. "Listen and learn nuggets. That means take notes."

Thirteen pens started moving.

Kara sat in the chair she now kept behind the podium. Truth be told, she was grateful to whichever student had turned on the wireless. She wanted to know what was happening even more than they did. She closed her eyes, trying to imagine the scene as she listened to the pilots' chatter.

"_Galactica_/Gimbals. We're counting four Raiders in range. Forty seconds out."

"All Fighters/_Galactica_. Weapons free. Repeat, weapons free."

"Yeah, let's go you little frakkers."

"Save some for us guys."

"Frak, Hot Dog, the only place you're gonna be shootin' is into your hand!"

"Hey focus!" Lee's voice, scolding and serious, filtered into the room. "I know it's been a while but try to remember how this is done."

"Copy that Apollo."

For the next two minutes and thirteen seconds, the only sounds that came through the wireless were faint explosions and yelling by the younger pilots. Upon hearing Hot Dog give the all clear, she released the breath she didn't know she'd been holding.

That's when it happened.

There was a loud "FRAK!!" followed by a much louder explosion, and voices talking over each other.

"What the…"

"Where the frak did he come from?"

"Where is he? Where is he?"

Through the cacophony came Hot Dog's voice.

"_Galactica_/Hot Dog. Apollo's hit. Raider came outta nowhere and rammed into him!"

"Did he eject?" Adama's voice, low and spiked.

"I don't know. I didn't see. It happened so fast."

Nausea slammed into Kara and her heart started beating wildly. _This wasn't happening. It wasn't happening._ She gripped the seat of the chair, knuckles white. Around her thirteen pens stopped moving.

She forced herself to breath as she repeated her mantra_. It wasn't happening. It wasn't happening. It wasn't-_

"_Galactica_/Racetrack. Apollo is on board."

"Copy that Racetrack." Dee's voice, professionally relieved. "How is he?"

"Little stunned but fine."

"All Fighters/_Galactica_. Come on home."

In the next few minutes, the fighters landed. The docking bay closed. _Galactica_ jumped.

Kara used that time to get herself under control. She felt her heart rate return to normal. The only rolling in her stomach came from her daughter, oblivious to what had just occurred. Finally, she let go of the chair.

By the time they'd jump, Starbuck, God of the Nuggets, was back. Calmly, she stood and turned off the wireless. Without pause, she turned the gun footage back on and continued with her lesson.

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Protocol for an ejection was an immediate trip to Sick-Bay. No matter how minor the injury or brief the "spacewalk," Cottle demanded two hours of rest sucking down O2.

After that, the pilot had twelve hours mandatory downtime. These precautions were designed to protect the pilot's mental, not physical, health.

So Kara was more than a little surprised- and pissed- when Lee was not resting in his bunk like he should be. Cursing under her breath, she headed to his office.

Except he wasn't there either.

By now, her bladder was straining, her back was aching and her daughter was kicking like she'd never stop. "Frakkin' Lee Adama," she muttered, writing him a quick note to _Stop frakking working and let me know you're still breathing_ before heading to her quarters.

"'Bout time you got back," his voice greeted her.

"That's my bed."

Lee shrugged. "Bunkroom was noisy."

"Uh-huh." She noted the towel hanging neatly on the door. "Was the head too noisy as well?" She shut the door behind her to relieve herself.

"Well, way I figure it, the reason you got these quarters is half because of me. Doesn't that mean I should get some of its perks?"

Kara waited until she had finished and re-entered the main room before answering. "You can get some of the 'perks' when you start hauling around _this_ all day. Oh, and by the way, your daughter has been kicking for the last twenty minutes."

Lee sat up and held out his hand, "I want to feel."

Kara unbuttoned her jacket as she spoke. "Come feel yourself."

"I'm on bed rest for," he checked his watch, "the next nine hours."

"You were out there for what, a minute?"

Lee gave her an impish smile. "Rules are rules, Starbuck."

"Right," she pulled up her sweatpants. "Scoot over." She sat down with a long groan, hand pressed to her back.

"Sore?"

"She's moved from the stomach to the kidneys."

Lee rubbed the spot on her lower back. "There?"

"Yeah. But you don't have to…" He pressed in a little deeper. "Never mind."

Lee chuckled softly as he massaged her back. "So she's been giving you trouble today, huh?"

"Hmm. Like her father."

"Class went well?"

"Yeah. Very exciting, what with listening to the CAG explode and all."

Lee's hands stilled on the small of her back. "You heard it?"

"One of them turned on the wireless. How else did you think I knew?"

He shrugged and continued to rub. "I figured someone told you, afterwards."

"Hot Dog swung by."

"You ok?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

In response, Lee wrapped his arms around her, setting his chin on her shoulder. "Lie down with me," he requested softly.

"If I lie down I won't be able to get back up, and I have Maintenance."

"Not any more you don't."

Kara twisted her neck to get a better view of him. "What do you mean?"

Lee nodded to an envelope on the coffee table. "Cottle took you off. Says you're too far along."

"He told me I could go as long as I can fit under the Vipers."

"Kara, two days ago it took two deckhands to pull you up off the ground." She glared at him. "I swear, it wasn't me who told Cottle. Take it up with Cally."

"I want to read it." She made a move to stand, but Lee just tightened his hold.

"Later. Lie down with me."

Kara complied, letting Lee pull her close. She breathed him in and sighed. "I was serious about not being able to get back up."

"We'll get you a forklift."

She ran her fingers along the neck of his outer tank. "So what happened out there?"

Lee shrugged under her head. "We had visuals on four, took them out. Looked like a scouting party. Then BAM!" he clapped his hands together. "Another comes out of nowhere. I don't even remember ejecting."

"You should have seen him."

"He wasn't on DRADIS."

"That's why you always visually confirm."

He looked down at her. "Are you giving me a lesson? After I exploded?"

"The Viper exploded, not you." She pushed herself up on her elbow. "And yeah, I am lecturing to you, 'cause you made a dumb-ass nugget mistake out there." Lee watched her become more and more agitated, which only amused him more. "You don't rely on DRADIS. You always visually confirm. Clearly you've gotten slow and soft, what with the Cylons being gone. But now there back and you gotta do what you told Narcho today- focus. You lose focus and you _die_ Lee. You die and- Why the frak are you smiling? I'm being serious."

"You were scared."

"I was not," Kara said indignantly.

But Lee wouldn't drop it. "Yes you were, you were scared. You were scared I wasn't coming back."

"Lee you weren't out there longer enough for me to get scared. What was is, thirty seconds?"

"Six minutes, forty-seven seconds. Or so they tell me."

Kara had no response. Had it really been that long? That time was like a slow-motion blur in her memory. Lee infuriating grin brought her back to her senses. "Look I might have been a little worried…"

But her protestations were cut off as Lee pushed her back onto the pillow, kissing her soundly. Only when she'd been good and properly kissed did he pull back just enough to whisper, "I was too." Then his mouth reclaimed hers.

It wasn't long before hands started wandering, exploring. Although they had kissed almost every night since their reconciliation, they had been careful not to take it- whatever _it_ was- too far. This evening, those precautions went out the airlock as Lee skimmed his hand up and under her tanks.

"Ask me to stay."

"What?" Kara wasn't sure he had really spoken, so low were the words.

"Ask me to stay."

She regarded him critically. She definitely wanted him to stay, but the nagging voice in her head needed to be sure. "Why?"

"Huh?"

"Why should I ask you?"

Lee kissed her softly. And said the words she needed to hear.

"Because I trust you."

It was a few moments before her mouth was free to respond. "Stay."

"You're sure?" She nodded. Lee swallowed hard. "Do you…?"

Kara nodded again. "I trust you, Lee."

Those were the last coherent words either would speak for a long while.


	20. Chapter 20

Third time's the charm? 

The beeping watch broke him from his deep slumber. In his arms Lee felt Kara tense. "It's ok. Just my alarm."

"What time is it?" she asked groggily, turning to face him.

"0515."

"CAP?"

"Worse. Tigh at 0630."

"Go back to sleep. You have time." Kara proceeded to throw an arm over his chest, tucking herself against his body.

"I can't. I have to shower…"

"Shower here."

"And change…"

"Lee go to sleep."

"And I need to brush my teeth."

"Do it here," was the automated answer.

"With your toothbrush?" Kara grunted and rolled onto her back, freeing him. "So you _do_ have hygiene standards."

"Shut up."

After a brief visit to the head Lee started the search for his clothes, which had been tossed to various places the night before. Only when he sat on the bed to do up his boots did he notice Kara was awake, staring at him silently with large eyes.

"I thought you went back to sleep."

"I will."

"You done with class at 1400?"

"Yeah, but I have to meet with the nuggets going up tomorrow. Should be done around 1600."

"Ok. Well, I have CAP til 1800. Want to get dinner after that?"

"Ok."

Something in her voice triggered Lee's internal alarms. "Hey," he maneuvered himself so he could look into her eyes. "You're not allowed to get scared this time Kara."

"Neither are you," she countered.

"I'm not. Last night….last night was…"

"I don't need a performance eval, Lee," she smirked.

He ignored her. "It was a lot of things, but it was not a mistake."

"I know."

"Do you?"

She pulled him down for a brief kiss. "I don't want to run anymore Lee, from you or after you. I just want to stand still…._with_ you."

"I think we can manage that."

She arched an eyebrow at him. "It is still _us_ we're talking about."

"Yeah, but now," he leaned down to nuzzle her neck. "We have an outlet for all our frustrations." He nipped at the sensitive spot where neck and shoulder met, pulling a short gasp from her. She grasped at the short hairs on the back of his head, urging him up so they could kiss properly.

Only when he felt Kara going for his tanks did Lee reluctantly end the kiss and sit up. "I have to go."

"You're kidding, right?" was her flushed reply.

"I really wish I was."

Kara made a show of pushing him off the bed. "Fine, go. I'll finish this myself."

Lee caught her arm. "Save it for tonight."

"Oh you think you're getting another invite, huh?"

His response was to kiss her fiercely and quickly. "I'll see you later."

As he turned the hatch lock he heard her voice. "Hey Lee?" She was sitting up, looking at him seriously. "I meant what I said last night. All of it."

"So did I. Now go back to sleep."

"Shouldn't be a problem," she murmured as she lay back down.

Outside her quarters Lee allowed himself a few moments to linger at her door before forcing himself to his own bunkroom.

He didn't notice the other person in the hall, who smiled before entering her quarters next door.

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"Hey there Starbuck," Helo sauntered into the Ready Room, leaning on the podium as Kara organized her video files.

She didn't even look up; she'd heard that teasing tone before and wasn't about to indulge him. "What do you need Helo?"

"What, I can't come by to say hi to my good friend?"

"Since when have you ever come by to say hi?"

"Well, I thought today would be a good day to start." He pretended to look her over with a critical eye. "You look different."

"No I don't, and class is about to start, so say what's on your mind and go away."

Helo ignored her. "Let's see, it's not the hair, not the make-up"- Kara snorted- "I don't know Starbuck, you just look different. Like, glowing."

That earned him a chuckle and for the first time Kara looked up at him. "Isn't that a side-effect of pregnancy?"

"Yeah, but not like this. This is like…_after_glow." He winked.

Students were filing in now, so Kara grabbed Helo's shoulders and marched him out into the hall. "Who told you? Was it Lee? My Gods, the man can't keep his trap shut sometimes."

"You mean it's true!?" Helo clapped his hands together once as he laughed. "I knew it! I told Sharon…"

"Wait, Sharon knows?"

"She was coming off CAP when she saw one Major Lee Adama leaving your quarters very early this morning."

"And she told you?"

"We're married, we share everything."

"Is she going to share the black eye I'm about to give you?"

"Oh come off it Kara. This is a good thing. Right? Oh Gods, _please_ don't tell me you two have managed to frak things up again."

"Nothing is frakked up. Last night was good- not just like that," she stopped him before he could make a snide comment. "We're in a good place. I just don't want everyone knowing about me and Lee's sex life, ok?" She gave his shoulder a push for emphasis.

"Relax, you know I'm not gonna tell. Although," he put a hand to her stomach, "I think most people already know _quite a bit_ about yours and Apollo's sex life."

Kara rolled her eyes. "Are we done yet?"

Helo sobered. "Kidding aside, I wanted to make sure you were ok."

"I am," she smiled. "I really am."

"Good. And to let you know that if he fraks up again, I'll take care of it."

"My protector," she said sarcastically. "Now get going, I have class."

"I'm going, I'm going." He took two steps, then turned back. "One more thing. Seriously."

"Ok."

"How did you do it? You know…" his gaze dropped to her stomach. "Physically?"

Kara's mouth dropped, Helo's eyes resumed their mischievous tint, and before Kara could respond, he was halfway down the hall, laughing to himself.

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It started with his toothbrush.

That night Lee brought it with him, "Just in case," he said, when Kara asked once again if he thought he was getting invited for the night.

Three days later he had early CAP, so he brought his flightsuit with him. By then they both knew where he would be spending the night.

The flightsuit was followed by an extra set of tanks and boxers two nights later.

On the eighth night, Lee moved in.

The entirety of his locker was there anyways, and an empty bunk was something that couldn't stay that way, not on Galactica. When JRLT. Ricky "Ticky" Harrison got promoted to full Lieutenant, thus gaining a spot in Senior Officer's Quarters, it was Lee's old bunk he got.

They jogged most mornings, which for Kara now meant walking at a brisk pace. They ate their meals together whenever scheduling allowed. They fought over leaving wet towels on the bed ("It will never dry there!" Lee would yell) and flight schedules on the coffee table ("Don't you have a frakkin' office for this frakkin' shit?!? Kara would ask). They never discussed marriage, but there was a feeling of permanence to their new relationship and life together.

For once in their lives, they were stable.

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"Listen to this one!" Kara laughed with glee. "'The correct way to execute a Picon Triple Roll is to close your eyes, do what God tells you, and pray.' Who wrote this?" She flipped the test booklet over. "Annika Moreten. Should have guessed." She marked the question with an "X" and continued grading.

It had been three weeks since she and Lee had started living together. Firmly into her third trimester, Kara had eleven weeks to go. The nuggets had all been up at least three times, and many were about to graduate to join the flight crew. Some, however, were going to be taking Basic Flight again, if their test grades were any indication.

"Here's another one!" she crowed. "I had them identify the control panel of a Raptor, look how she labeled it!" She turned to show Lee, who was lying on the bed next to her, supposedly helping her grade. In reality, he was propped up on his elbow, running a hand gently over her belly and humming a Caprican lullaby. "Hey," she poked him. "You paying attention?"

"Raptor panel, uh-huh." But he didn't look at the exam.

Kara rolled her eyes. "Whatever. At least that's one less callsign I need to think up."

"What about Artemis?" Lee said abruptly.

"For Moreten?" Kara scoffed. "More like Arte-Misses-The-Trap-Every-Single-Frakking-Time…"

"Not for a callsign, for _her._"

Kara put down the test and met his gaze. They hadn't discussed names at all yet. "You want to name her Artemis?"

Lee shrugged. "It's a nice name. Reminds me of you."

"What would we call her? Artie?"

"No, we could," a huge grin broke out across his face. "We could call her Missy."

"Missy?" Kara gave a little laugh of incredulity. "You want to name my child Missy?"

"Have you noticed that whenever it's something you don't want to do, she's _our_ child, but whenever its something you want, she's just _yours_?"

"There is no way in Hades we're naming her Missy."

"I bet I could convince you," Lee said huskily, a sexy smile spreading across his lips.

"Oh no you don't," she warned. "I have to grade these exams." As she said the last word, Lee swept them of the bed, throwing them on the floor.

"Whoops," he said, kissing her neck. "Looks like you'll have to get up to get them."

"Not….fair," she said, kissing him.

There was no way she was naming her daughter Missy, but she was more than happy to let Lee try to convince her.

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Hours later, wrapped up in his arms, Kara listened to Lee's deep breathing. She stroked his arms gently. Despite all that happened, all they had been through, a part of her couldn't believe that this was real, that she and Lee had finally put all their shit behind them.

And all it took was an unplanned pregnancy and her supposed death.

She was about to drift to sleep when she heard the hatch door open. Light spilled in from the hallway, outlining the silhouette of a thin man of medium height.

Kara sat up. Beside her Lee stayed fast asleep.

"Are you Lt. Starbuck?" the figure asked, in a voice Kara knew all too well.

"What do you want?"

Leoben smiled warmly as he sat on the bed. Lee was still asleep, and for the life of her Kara couldn't figure out why. "I wanted to see how you were doing, how you were progressing."

"I'm fine," she said tersely.

"You don't seem very happy to see me. I thought after all we'd been through…"

"I thought you said I'd never see you again. That you were making a sacrifice for me. Yet here you are. Why are you here? What have you done to Lee? I won't go back there!"

"I did. I haven't come to take you back, I've come to protect you."

"Protect me how?"

"I have a message. Do not lose faith, Kara Thrace."

There was a moment's pause, after which Kara asked, "Is that it?" Leoben nodded. "What does that even mean?"

"I cannot tell you that." He reached out and squeezed her hand. Then, in Lee's voice, he said, "Wake up Kara, you're dreaming."

"Wake up, Kara," Lee urged, shaking her slightly.

Kara opened her eyes. The bedside lamp was turned on. The hatch was closed and locked, just as it had been when they went to bed. There was no sign of Leoben.

"You ok?" Lee asked, concern etched in his eyes.

"I'm fine," she answered as she struggled to stand up. "I just need some water."

"What happened? You kept saying you weren't going back. Kara, who did you see? Was it him?"

She took a long sip of water before turning back to him. She gave a small nod.

Lee sprung out of bed. "What did he say Kara? Is he onboard? Are they coming?" While he spoke he rummaged for some clothes and his gun.

"Lee stop," she reached out to cease his movements. "No one is coming, he was boxed remember?"

He dropped his clothes and pulled her into a tight embrace. Kara could feel him trembling slightly. "I can't lose you again."

"You aren't going to," she whispered into his neck. "It was just a dream." For some reason, she couldn't bring herself to tell him the contents of the dream. Besides, it didn't mean anything. It wasn't real.

Luckily Lee seemed content with that. He led her back to the bed and wrapped his arms around her as she settled against his chest. Eventually the room resumed its previous calm.

Kara could feel herself fading when Lee's voice brought her back.

"What happened," he started softly and slowly. "What happened to you when you were gone? What did they do? What did _he_ do?"

She shifted slightly. "You've read the report."

"That report was two pages long and short on details." He turned so he could look her straight in the eye and gently stroked her face. "Tell me, please. I need to know."

"Now? It's the middle of the night."

But Lee only nodded resolutely. "Yes, now."

The refusal on her lips died when she saw the look in his eyes. There was concern, of course, but also stubbornness and, above all, love. "Ok Lee," she whispered. And without further preamble, she launched into her story.


	21. Chapter 21

A/N: Two things:

1) Sorry for the delay. The computers here in Poland are very old and won't read my flash drive. I had to type all this into the doc. box from my laptop, and this was the first chance I had. Please excuse any mistakes. I won't be able to update til I go home, which will be Aug. 15, maybe the 14 if my hotel at the airport has internet. I'm sorry for the delays, but there's nothing I can do.

2) This chapter is dark. As Ron Moore likes to say on podcasts, this is a dark show. The next few chapters will be dark, though not in ways, I hope, you'll be expecting. Please trust me when I say there will be a happy ending...Eventually.

Thanks for all the reviews and support. I hope this works.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0--0--0-0-0-0-0

"It's ok Starbuck, we're almost there," a comforting voice said above her. Kara could feel the sway of the gurney, and could tell that she was being wheeled down a corridor at great speed. Groggily, she opened her eyes.

"Athena?" she asked.

Sharon stilled for a moment, her face twisting with disgust, then said, "We're just about there Starbuck."

The corridor was bright- too bright for _Galactica._ Had they taken her to a different ship? What could have happened? "Where are we?" she asked. "Where are we going?"

"You'll see."

Something in her voice, her demeamor, caused Kara's focus to sharpen. This Sharon wheeling her down the hall looked harder; her hair was shorter; and she was dressed in decidedly civilian clothes. Panic swelled in her chest. "You're not Sharon."

The other woman looked at her pointedly. "I _am_ Sharon."

"No. You're not our Sharon."

"I used to be your Sharon," she spat. "Before that bitch replaced me."

But Kara wasn't listening. She was too busy fighting against both her restraints and whatever drug they were forcing through her IV. The gurney started tipping.

A door opened and Simon rushed out. "I told you to give her 25ccs!"

"I did!" the Eight hissed. "She's not responding."

Upon seeing Simon Kara redoubled her efforts- but all in vain. From the pocket of his lab coat Simon withdrew a syringe and without warning injected her. Kara gave one last primal scream before everything went black.

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Someone was stroking her hair.

That was the first conscious thought she had in what seemed like days. The soft caress brought her senses slowly back to life.

"Hello there Kara. I'm glad you woke up; I was scared you'd miss the whole thing."

With much effort she opened her eyes. Leoben was staring at her from a seated position near her head, his hand gently stroking her hairline. Her first instinct was to move- to run, to thrash, to punch. But all she could do was turn her neck.

As if senseng her frustration, Leoben gave her a small shake of his head. "Don't try to move; you'll only upset yourself."

"You're a bastard," she managed to croak.

"I told you to leave her asleep," Simon said, entering the room and settling himself down at the end of her bed. As he did Kara finally noticed her feet were in the stirrups. "This is a complicated enough procedure without her causing trouble."

"She won't be any trouble, will you, Kara?" She flinched at his voie; it was the same one he'd used during her long months of New Caprican captivity. "Besides, every mother should witness her child's conception."

"What are you talking about?"

Leoben took her hand in his. Whatever drug they had given her had rendered her immoblie, but she could still feel the tingles of his skin against hers. "We're going to have a baby, Kara. We're going to make Kacey all over again."

"Kacey wasn't real!"

"But this one will be. Half you, half me. Half human, half Cylon. The best parts of God's creations."

"The best parts of you are battery powered."

Leoben grinned. "I hope it gets its temperament from me. I'm not sure this basestar can handle two Starbucks."

"If you think for one frakkin' second that I'm going to let you anywhere near me..."

"You already have. Oh Kara, did you really think...?" He shook his head. "Have I ever forced myself on you? I could have, you know that, but I remain form in the belief that one day you will come to me on your own."

"Then how the frak..." But Kara didn't finish the sentence. She didn't need to. The horrible realization hit her as she watched Simon do his work at the end of the bed.

Speaking low into her ear, Leoben confirmed her suspicions. "We've had your eggs in cold storage for over two years now. There was talk of using a surrogate, but I wouldn't allow it. Any child of yours would be special, and you deserved to carry it, to bring it to life, to feel it grow inside you." He gently kissed her brow. "And then we'll be a family."

He might have continued talking in his smooth, soothing voice, but Kara didn't hear a word of it. All she could do was stare at the ceiling as the Cylons violated her body once again, fighting in vain against the drugs pumping through her system. When Simon was finished, Leoben increased the IV drip.

Blackness engulfed her once again.

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The next time she woke up she felt remarkably clear-headed, as if she had slept until her body was no longer remotely tired- as if she had slept before the worlds ended in mushroom-shaped clouds. She stretched, expecting to feel the thin sheets of her bunk rub against her. Instead, the sheets felt smooth, cool, and of a quality she was not accustomed to. The bed, she found, was almost twice the size of her bunk.

"Good morning, Kara." He was sitting in a chair across from the bed, hands folded calmly in his lap. "I brought you some food; I know you must be quite hungry. Liquid nutrients can only do so much, after all." He motioned to the tray beside him. "Steak. Just the way you like it."

Those few words sent a shiver down her spine. The room, the bed- all of it was familiar now. "You brought me back."

"Yes and no." Leoben stood and sat on the bed; Kara instinctually moved away. "I arranged to have this room set up like this; I thought it would be a comfort to you, to see something familiar. But we are still on the basestar." He pushed the tray of food towards her. "You really should eat something."

Kara eyed the food; the steak had already been cut up into small bite-sized pieces. "Learned your lesson, huh?" she asked with much more bravado that she actually felt.

Leoben was not fooled, and simply smiled at her indulgently. "You know from experience how fruitless that is. I'm simply trying to make this easier, on all of us."

"If that's the case, then why am I even awake?"

"We started weaning you off them yesterday afternoon. We didn't want to shock your system, after you had been on them for so long. You see, Kara," he moved closer, speaking in an intimate voice. "Simon brought us some very good news yesterday. The procedure worked. You're three weeks pregnant."

The words hung in the air for a moment, growing larger with each passing second. Then she started moving with a speed learned from hard military training. Kara grabbed the edge of the tray and swung it, connecting hard with Leoben's face. In the same movement she bolted herself out of the bed, running barefoot towards the door. The bars from the New Caprica holding cell were no longer there.

They'd been replaced by a Centurian.

"He won't hurt you." She turned to Leoben leaning against the bed frame, his face bright pink from where she'd hit him.

"Then how's he going to stop me from leaving?"

Leoben waved his hand. "Why don't you find out."

She looked back at the Cylon guard. His red eye slid from side to side, but he didn't move. He simply remained in the doorway, completely blocking her only exit. Slowly, Kara stepped back towards the bed.

"You made the right choice," Leoben said. "Now, why don't you clean up while I make you something else. Perhaps a salad?" He took her silence to mean yes. He approached her carefully, then reached out to touch her stomach. Kara simply stood there, staring straight ahead. "I know this is a surprise, but I hope you'll soon be as happy about this as I am. Life is God's greatest miracle."

He left her standing in the middle of the room. When he returned fifteen minutes later, she had made the bed, cleaned up the spilt food and dressed herself.

Though light-years away, it seemed as though she'd returned to New Caprica.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

For the next four weeks, Kara was as docile as a kitten. She ate when Leoben brought her food, slept when the lights in the room dimmed, and allowed them to run various tests and sonograms. Through it all, she never said a word.

In her head, though, she was not quite so quiet. Her inner voice raged at every movement, screamed every time Leoben touched her. She studied the habits of the other Cylons, memorized the route to Simon's lab, made a mental count of every chrome and human Cylon she saw. She was getting out of there, and she was getting rid of the monster in her belly.

And not necessarily in that order.

Finallyshe realized it was useless. There were too many Cylons. Even though they wouldn't hurt her, there was no way they would let her off the basestar. She was much too valuable to them, especially now.

There was only one way to escape.

She'd have to kill herself.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

She found the shard under the bed, the only piece of porcelain plate that she hadn't cleaned up. It was sharp, but not enough. It would take time.

Saying a prayer to the Gods, she started cutting into her wrist.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

It was an Eight who found her.

0-0-0-0-0-0--0-0

This time she woke up in a hospital bed, a deep pit in her stomach. She had failed.

"How could you do it Kara?"

She didn't answer, but simply stared at the ceiling. After a while Leoben left, but not before giving her a look full of pain and hurt. Ir was the first time she'd seen him show such an emotion.

Kara couldn't help but smile to herself. Not a total failure, then.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

She returned to the apartment two days later. In her absence a large mirror had been constructed. They weren't taking aby chances.

For five days and nights she saw no sign of Leoben. Her food was delivered by Simon or Sharon. Her plates and utensils were made of plastic, and after she was finished eating they were collected. Still Kara said nothing.

On the sixth day she woke to find him sitting once again in the chair.

"We need to talk."

Kara simply stared at him.

"Do you remember the first time we met?" Of course you do, you must. My mission had been to find you, to give you a message. But I also needed to see you for myself. I knew you were special Kara. I knew I needed to find you, that our fates were destined to intertwine. I thought I was to be your guide, nothing more. But then," he cocked his head to the side and his eyes took on a far away gaze. "but then you out your hand on the glass. And you looked at me- really looked at me. That was when I fell in love wit you. Everything I have done since then has been for you. All I want is for you to love me."

Silence hung heavy in the room. Leoben waited for her to speak, but Kara just continued to stare. After close to an hour, he finally stood to leave.

"You're a machine. You can't know what love is."

"Your friend does."

"Sharon isn't like you."

"Isn't she? She didn't love Agathon. She had a mission. That's why she slept with him."

"But it's not why she stayed with him." Now Kara was standing, her voice growing stronger. All the rage she had kept locked inside her started spilling out. "She loves Helo. Everything she's done has been for him. You- You say you love me, bat all this," she waved her arms around the room. "All this is for you."

"I want you with me. One day you will want to be with me too."

"I will never want to be with you! I thought I made that perfectly clear on New Caprica!"

"You said you loved me, you'll say it again."

"The only time I'll ever say those words is right before I gut you again."

Leoben shook his head and spoke like he was explaining the painfully obvious to a small child. "You will say it, and mean it. You'll see, once our child is born-"

"I don't want this thing!!" she screamed. "I want it out of me!"

"That's your mother talking."

That stopped Kara as effectively as if he'd slapped her. Her mask slipped and she sank down onto the bed. Leoben saw the reaction and sat down beside, taking her hand in his. "I'm sorry, Kara, but your mother filled you with hate and fear of becoming a mother. But you'll see- once it's here you will love it. You won't be your mother. You'll be happy being a mother. That's all I want- for you to be happy."

She spoke in a soft but firm voice. "Will you let me get rid of the baby? Will you let me go home?"

"Kara, you know I won't."

"Then you don't want me to be happy." She looked him straight in the eye. "And you do not love me."

With that, she went back into her walking coma. She stared at the wall in silence until Leoben finally left.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0--0--0-0

Kara Thrace was not maternal.

She'd never babysat the neighbors' kids. Hell, she'd never even pet-sat for a long weekend. She knew how to fix a fuel leak with only a rag and wrench, how to execute a triple Scorpian flip, and how to bluff her way out of a bad Triad hand.

But she knew nothing about children.

How the piece of information now swimming in her head got there, she didn't know. Maybe she'd heard it from Cally, back when she was in the early stages of her pregnancy. Maybe Helo had mentioned it during one of their talks when Sharon was still being held in the cell. However it came to be there, she knew it was true.

The first twelve weeks of pregnancy were the most dangerous. It was in those three months that the most could go wrong. It was in those eighty-four days that she was most likely to miscarry.

She prayed for it every night.

0-0-0-0--0-0-0-0-0-0

At the beginning of the thirteenth week she stopped.

0-0-0--0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

At fifteen weeks her universe changed forever.

Three days before Simon had run, among other tests, an amniocentesis. Leoben had told her it was too early to know the sex, but they would be able to make sure the fetus was developing on schedule.

As if she cared.

She was prepared to tell him this again when he came after ,lunch, surely to report the results, but something in his face stopped her. He looked tired, battleworn. He sat on the bed, even though she was in the far corner of the room.

"There was a vote," he began in a hollow voice. "They've decided to terminate your pregnancy. Simon said we can try again in three months. There was only one dissenter."

Kara couldn't believe it. Eying him carefully, she asked, "Is this a trick?"

"No. The tests yielded some surprising results. The child is fully human."

Kara stared at him for a moment, unable to comprehend what he had just said. "I don't understand..."

"You were already pregnant. Recently. We believed that the implantation had worked, but really it was this first pregnancy which we registered."

Still she stared at him with a confused look on her face. Already pregnant? How was the possible? She hadn't even had sex since she and Anders called it quits six months ago, except-

_Except for Lee._

Her breath stuck in her chest and the sound that escaped her lips was like a strangled gasp of a groan. _It was Lee's._ The baby- the baby she'd tried to kill, the one she'd prayed would die- it was theirs.

He legs could no longer support her and she felt herself slip to the floor. A voice in the back of her mind reminded her that this could be a trick, that Leoben could have told her this so she would want to have the child. But in heart, she knew. Her child was human.

He child was Lee's.

Around her Leoben continued talking. "I thought, given this, that you might still want to keep the baby. We could have raised it as our own and then tried again for our own in due time. But the others- they aren't as patient. They don't see the order of things as I do. They wanted results now. So they've ordered for its termination.

"I am sorry."

he was about to leave when Kara found her voice. "When?"

"Tomorrow afternoon. I'll bring you a good dinner later; you won't be able to eat until after the surgery."

The last words never registered. Tomorrow afternoon. One day.

One day to save her child.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Leoben returned a few hours later with a tray of food to find her in the same position in whihc he'd left her- sitting agianst the wall, knees pulled up to her chest. Her head was bowed as if in prayer.

Silently he placed the tray on the table, regarding her. Without lifting her head, Kara spoke. "You don't have to let this happen."

"There was a vote. The decision has been made."

"But you don't agree with it."

"It doesn't matter if I agree with it."

"But you don't. And you'll let it happen anyways."

"There is nothing to be done."

"You have ships. Put me on one."

"That's impossible Kara."

There was a long pause.

"If I said I loved you, would you let me go?"

Leoben looked at her in surprise. "Would you mean it?"

Still Kara refused to return his gaze. "I would say it."

Leoben cocked his head. "I was right. You will be a good mother." Only then did she lift her head. "You see," he explained, "you said those words last to save Kacey. And now you're saying them to save this child- a child who, three hours ago, you were praying to lose."

"Three hours ago I thought it was yours."

"And whose is it now?" She refused to answer, but he knew anyways. "It's his, isn't it? The one you love, the one you hate. The one you save, the one you hurt. What would you do, if I took you back? Would you raise it with him? Would you be able to love him? Would you be able to stay faithful?"

"You shut the frak up."

Leoben nodded. "I knew it. you aren't ready."

"Well I guess that's your fault then, huh? I thought you said you were my guide."

"I am."

"Well, you aren't doing a very good job, are you? You, who swim in streams and see patterns. Maybe you're misreading you own destiny. Trying to play a role that's not meant for you."

Silence reigned for a handful of beats. Then, without a word, Leoben turned and walked out of the room.

Kara bowed her head again in prayer.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

At some point she fell asleep, head resting on her knees.

it was the pool of light that filtered in through the open door that awoke her. She turned to see Leoben enter. It must be time then.

kara jumped to her feet, ready to fight, kick and scream, but Leoben was on her with a speed she had never seen him use before, pinning her against the wall and covering her mouth with his hand.

"Not a word," he whispered tersely. "Do not make a sound." Something in his voice forced her to obey. "We're leaving. Now. Follow my instructions. Do not hesitate. Do not question me. Do you understand?"

She had a split second to decide- decide if it was a trick, decide if she could trust him.

She nodded.

"Good," he said. "Now move."

0-0-0-0-0-0-0--0-0-0-0

He navigated them through the labyrinth of corridors, stopping every so often to listen at corners. After ten minutes they arrived at the docking port. A Heavy Raider was already powered up, humming softly. "Get on board."

Inside was the same mixture of technology and tissue that composed all Cylon transportation. Leoben nodded to a seat before sitting in the pilot's chair. The ramp had just closed when they hit open space.

Three dozen Raiders launched behind them, but Leoben must have already calculated the jump. Once they were in open space, Kara felt the familiar lurch that always accompanied an FTL jump.

Empty space surrounded them.

"We've been sending search parties to find the Fleet. We recently found a hint of a trail. It will take a while, but we'll find them."

"Nice to know."

"We as in you and I, Kara. I dumped that information before we left."

Kara's mouth dropped as she stared at him in shock. "Why?"

He swiveled to face her. "Because you were right. I am your guide.

"And we have work to do."

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

They spent four weeks in space, jumping from one set of seemingly random coordinates to the next. Kara could make neither heads nor tails of it, but Leoben seemed to know exactly where to go.

In between jumps they worked.

She hadn't known what he meant by the "work that had to do," but she quickly found it amounted to basically very intense therapy sessions.

She'd resisted at first, refusing to talk when he asked her questions about her past. It turned out she didn't need to. Leoben knew it all anyways, recited it, recounted abuse after painful abuse. She would scream at him to stop, but he would simply wait for her to compose herself and then start again.

It wasn't until the fifth day that she spoke on her own.

He'd been recounting the day her mother broke her knuckles. He said it was her left hand. Before she could stop herself, she corrected him. "No. It was the right." She unconsciously ran her thumb over the long-healed breaks.

Leoben stopped his tale and waited for her to continue.

"She took my right hand, put it in the door jam, and slammed it."

"And how did it feel?"

She remembered the sensation as if it were yesterday. "It felt good. I felt alive."

"Pain makes you feel alive. It is the absence of pain that scares you. Pain is all you have know; it was how you were raised." She nodded. "Has there ever been a time when you were not in pain?"

Kara shrugged. it seemed everything in her life was rooted in pain. She had loved Zak, but he had died, and in his wake left an ache that had never really gone away. The Old Man had been her father, and now he couldn't even look at her.

"Think hard."

Kara closed her eyes. _No pain, no pain._

_This is stupid. This is stupid._

Lee's smile flashed in her mind.

That was it.

Colonial Day, over two years ago. The look on his face when he realized it was her in that dress. Gods, he looked so young, the bruises on his face only adding to his good looks. She'd felt hopeful that night, as if she'd been given a second chance at everything. At happiness.

But even that she had transformed into pain by night's end.

"Yes. But I ruined that too. I ruin everything I touch."

"Your mother told you that."

"Yes. Among other wonderful things."

"That you were a cancer." Kara nodded. "That you took her happiness and thus weren't allowed to have any yourself?" Again she nodded. "Is that how you will raise your own child?"

"What? No. No."

"How can you teach your child happiness if you have none yourself? If you think yourself unworthy? Does your child deserve happiness and love?"

"Of course it does!"

"Then why not you?"

With that he turned back to the nav system and began plotting their next jump. Kara was left to contemplate his question, staring into space as she gently stroked her stomach.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

She never came up with an answer.

0-0-0-0-0--0-0-0-0

Slowly Leoben tore down the walls she had erected as a child. He made her question all she had been told. "Pain was forced upon you as a child. As an adult you continued with it because it was all you knew. But you can stop it. If you want, you can stop the pain."

And she believed him.

Believed in herself.

He was a Cylon. He had held her captive for months, tried to impregnate her. And yet he was also her inner voice. He was healing her.

She couldn't reconcile the two. Eventually she stopped trying.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

The came the day she'd been waiting for. one more jump to the Fleet. One more and she'd be home.

She hovered over his shoulder as he calculated the jump. "You're sure it's right?"

Leoben laughed. "I'm sure. Now sit down," his voice sobered. "We have to discuss some things. About your destiny.

"We can do that later. Was can talk on _Galactica_. Let's go now."

Leobe gave her a sad smile and took her hands in his. She didn't flinch; she had stopped that weeks ago. "Kara, I'm not going with you."

She pulled back. "What are you talking about? Of course you are. You have to!"

He shook his head. "I have the jump plotted. I'll show you how to execute it; it's quite easy. But before you go, you'll have to send me out the airlock."

"I won't do it."

"Yes you will."

"Why?" It came out more like a cry than she wanted.

"I have done what I needed to do, My destiny is complete. I've guided you back. The rest you will have to do on your own."

"And what's that?"

"Earth."

"What about Earth?"

"You have inside you the path to Earth. One day- I don't know when- but one day the path will present itself to you. And you will guide your people here."

"How will I know."

He smiled. "The stars in your eyes will guide you."

"That makes no sense."

"That's all I can tell you." He turned back to the console. "Now all you have to do to jump..."

"I'm not frakking airlocking you."

"Is push here and here, once. That will take you home."

"Did you hear me?"

He stood. "I did. I told you, long ago, that you would deliver my soul to God. That's what you're doing."

"you mean sending you back to resurrect."

"No. To God. I've been boxed. Three weeks ago. I felt it."

"So when you die..."

"There will be no coming back." He nodded. "But I'm ready. You helped me become ready. You were right when you said I was afraid my soul would not find God. I no longer am. I'm ready to go, to start the next part of my journey."

Four weeks ago she never would have believed she could say the words that came out of her mouth. "Will I ever see you again?"

"Would you want to?"

He'd taught her to be truthful with herself. Mixed with gratitude was still a healthy dose of fear and hate. She didn't answer.

Leoben seemed to understand. He leaned in close so he could whisper in her ear. "All this has happened before, and all this will happen again." he kissed her cheek, then turned to the airlock.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

"DRADIS Contact. Cylon Heavy Raider."

"_Galactica_/Athena, I have visual. Sir, it's trying to hail us. Colonial codes."

"Athena/Actual. Open a communication channel."

"...not fire. Repeat, this is Starbuck. Do not fire."


	22. Chapter 22

A/N: As promised, here's a new chapter.

"Galactica/Racetrack. We're all set here, just waiting for the nuggets."

"Copy that Racetrack. They're in the tubes and will be joining you in two minutes."

"And tell the CAP to stay clear," Buttercup, Racetrack's young ECO, put in. "They got too close last time."

"Oh come on," a new voice filtered through the comms, masculine this time. "It was funny, the way they all scattered."

"Frakking around with a training session is never funny, Frosty."

There was a beep and a short burst of static, and then Frosty's voice once again filled CIC, although a bit softer. "So are we still meeting after this?"

"Only if you promise to do that thing you did last time."

Kara couldn't help laughing from where she sat at the comms desk, and Gaeta rolled his eyes. "Frosty and Buttercup/Galactica. Be advised that you are still on an open channel."

"Damn you Frosty!" In the background they could hear Racetrack laughing hysterically at the two younger pilots.

"Ok Galactica, we're seeing the four nuggets. Starbuck, are you getting this?"

"I see it Racetrack."

Observing flight training missions had taken some out of the box thinking, but Kara had finally come up with a pretty damn good plan, even if it wasn't perfect. Racetrack, who had briefly held the post of flight instructor during Kara's absence, had agreed to be her eyes and ears in space- but that wasn't good enough. So the two of them had jerry-rigged a camera to the underside of Racetrack's Raptor and programmed it to beam the footage back to Galactica, where Kara watched on a monitor at the comms desk. The image was grainy, and there was a five second delay, but it was better than nothing. Plus, it had given her chance to get to know Hoshi, who, despite what Helo said, she still thought was awfully weird looking.

But today the communications officer was nowhere to be seen. She'd heard something about a twenty-four hour bug, and Gaeta had stepped in until the replacement arrived.

"Ok, they're all in position."

"Nuggets/Starbuck. Start with two-on-two. Execute the moves we talked about at the briefing." She watched as the nuggets split off into two groups and began their simulation dog-fight. As she made notes, she felt her stomach clench painfully. She sucked air in through her teeth and placed a hand to her belly. That was the third time today.

"You ok?" She saw Gaeta eyeing her carefully.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"You sure you don't need to go to sickbay? You sure it's not time?" He kept his voice low and even so as not to draw attention towards her.

Kara shook her head, and as she did so the pain subsided almost as quickly as it had come. "I still have seven weeks. I think it's just the algae."

"It was especially…" But he didn't finish the sentence. His face lit up as he looked at something- or someone- over Kara's shoulders. She cringed inwardly. She had a bad feeling about the replacement comms operator.

"Captain. Lieutenant." Dee stepped up to the console and greeted them with a natural grace.

"Lieutenant." Gaeta stepped back to let Dee in. Kara turned back to the video monitor, but out of the corner of her eye she saw Gaeta's hand move lightly to rest on the small of Dee's back. He leaned in to speak more privately. "I didn't know they would send you. I thought you had the afternoon off."

"I did. But I got Davis to switch with me, so now I'll be free this evening."

"I'm off this evening too."

Dee smiled. "I know."

"Then I'll see you when we get off shift?"

"That was the plan."

Gaeta returned to his workstation, trying unsuccessfully to hide the grin on his face.

"Starbuck," Dee greeted her again, informally this time, as she put on her headset. "I didn't realize you'd be here today."

"Yeah. Training mission." Kara tried to avoid Dee's gaze. "Shouldn't be more than a few hours."

"Take as long as you need. Plenty of room back here for the three of us."

She said it without malice, almost kind even, but the tension between the two women was palpable. Somehow they had managed to avoid being caught alone with each other for the past few months. Like Helo had promised her first day back, Dee was not waiting in the halls to attack Kara. She and Gaeta were now Galactica's worst kept secret, and from the way Dee had smiled at him, Kara knew that the affection was not just one-way.

Still, it didn't mean all had been forgiven between Dee and Kara. Especially not with the very physical proof of her and Lee's infidelity staring Dee in the face.

They spent the next few hours tuned in solely to their own work. Kara watched the monitor and gave instructions to the nuggets, while Dee handled all the ship's comm. traffic. The afternoon passed without incident, and, finally, after four hours, it was time for the nuggets to head home.

"Good work, nuggets. Come on back and hit the showers. Starbuck out." She disconnected the monitor, stretched her arms over her head, and stood.

And immediately doubled over, leaning against the desk for support. Another cramp, the strongest yet. She hissed through her teeth.

She felt a small hand on her back, and Dee's soft voice in her ear. "Are you ok?" She looked at the younger woman and saw genuine concern in her eyes.

"Yeah," she gasped as the pain subsided again. "Just a bad kick," she lied. Dee looked at her doubtfully, but simply gave her shoulder a slight squeeze before turning back to her work. Kara gathered up her notes. "Have a good evening, Lieutenant."

"Starbuck." Dee leaned towards her and spoke in a soft voice. "Is he happy?"

"Yeah. Yeah, he is." She paused for a moment, then asked, "Are you?"

Dee's eyes unconsciously flitted to where Gaeta was working. "Yes."

The two women regarded each other for a moment. Then Kara gave a little nod, which Dee returned. She wasn't sure just what kind of understanding had been reached, but she knew one had, and that was all that mattered.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

The normally quiet corridor was filled with screams. Kara heard them before she had even turned the corner, and there was no doubting where they were coming from.

Hera might have been small, but her lungs packed a powerful punch.

"What the hell's going on in here?" she asked, poking her head through the open hatch.

"KARA!!!" Hera shrieked, throwing herself at Kara. Her face was red and tearstained. Behind her stood Sharon, looking more frazzled than Kara had ever seen her. Her hair, normally held in a tight pony-tail, was hanging down in strands, and her tanks where hanging down on one arm.

"What's wrong with her?"

"I don't know! Nothing! She never acts like this and then today- Boom! And she won't. Stop. Crying!"

And indeed, Hera was acting as if she intended to keep crying until she hit puberty, at the very least. She was wailing loudly, pulling at Kara's hand and screaming indistinguishable words. They sounded like, "Kara," "Baby," and "No nap."

"Yeah, ok. I'm gonna go…." But Hera just screamed even louder.

"NO!! KARA!! BABY!!"

"Show her the kid. Maybe she'll stop screaming for one second." It was clear Sharon was at the end of her rope, so Kara knelt down to give Hera better access.

As if throwing a switch, Hera immediately started to calm down. Her breathing became calmer and she wiped away the tears from her eyes. Slowly, she put a little hand on Kara's stomach. "Hi Baby." Her eyes narrowed, and she gave the belly a little pat. "Baby. Baby!" Suddenly her face darkened and she began yelling again. "Baby! Wake up baby! Wake up!!" She reared a hand back, as if to smack Kara's stomach.

"Whoa!" Kara instinctually flinched back as Sharon grabbed Hera's arm.

"Hera! We do not hit."

But Hera didn't seem to notice. She was too busy wailing again.

"I think you better go," said Sharon. "I'll handle this myself. Just shut the hatch, ok?"

Kara darted out quickly, closing the hatch behind her just as Helo rounded the corner. "You don't want to go in there."

"Don't I know it," he muttered as he opened the hatch. Kara heard Sharon's exclamation of "Thank God!" and more screams before the hatch closed again, cutting off the noise.

Her own quarters were silent by comparison. The only sound was that of running water; Lee was in the shower. She didn't call to him or make her presence known. She needed a moment to herself. Sinking to the bed, Kara rolled her shoulders and then unbuttoned her uniform jacket.

She didn't understand what the pains were. They had happened only four times, but had increased in intensity each time. Was this what labor felt like? But surely if that was it she would have known; besides, weren't contractions supposed to come at set intervals? These pains had been totally random. Sharon would know, but her hands were full with Hera at the moment…

Hera's behavior was also bothering her. She'd never seen the little girl so upset. And for some reason the girl's screams wouldn't leave her mind. They swam through her brain, taunting her, their meaning just out of reach.

"_Wake up Baby."_

And then suddenly she knew. Her body went rigid as she held her stomach between her hands.

"Hey. I didn't hear you come in." Lee exited the head, a towel wrapped loosely around his waist. He bent to kiss her forehead and noticed her frown. "You ok?"

"She's not moving." He voice was strained.

Lee didn't seem to notice, though. He placed a hand briefly to her belly. "Probably just sleeping." He turned to the locker and began getting dressed.

"Do you remember the last time she moved?"

"She was moving around last night, remember? You had trouble falling asleep."

"That was two nights ago. You had CAP last night."

"Oh. Right." He sat on the couch and began putting on his socks. "She's probably been moving; you just don't feel it." She gave him a skeptical look. "Ok, or just don't remember it. Besides, she can't have much room to move around in now."

"Yeah…" Kara's voice faded and she bit her lower lip. Saying the words aloud would make the pains real. Keeping them locked inside meant she could pretend she had just imagined them. "But I've been having these pains…"

Lee jerked his head up. "What kinds of pains?"

"Like, cramping."

"Contractions?"

She shook her head. "I don't think so. They don't last long, but it…"

"Hurts." Lee finished her sentence for her. "A lot?"

She nodded, and for the first time the fear reached her eyes. "We need to go to sick-bay."

She got up and walked out of the quarters, Lee on her heels, his shoes left untied.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Lee had no idea what was happening. All he knew was Kara looked scared, and she had voluntarily gone to sick-bay. Either one of these occurrences would have caused him to worry, but the two together caused his spine to shiver. What was worse, he didn't know what was wrong with Kara; he had only her sketchy description with which to work.

Sickbay wasn't crowded, and Ishay immediately ushered them into a curtained cubicle. She helped Kara onto the bed. "So," she asked in her calm voice, and Lee felt himself instantly relax. "What seems to be the problem?"

"I've been having these pains. Right here," Kara indicated to the bottom half of her enlarged belly.

"How far apart?"

"I only had four today. They came at random times. But each one hurt more."

Ishay glanced at the chart. "Seven weeks to go. You might be experiencing false labor. It's not unheard of, so don't worry. We'll just check to make sure everything's ok."

"She hasn't been moving," Kara blurted out, and Lee wondered again why this was concerning her so much. "Not since night before last. I can't remember her moving since then."

Still Ishay remained relaxed; if this news worried her, she was doing a good job hiding it. "Well, babies don't move all the time. But we'll check everything out." She attached the fetal heart monitor and glanced at the screen. A ghost of a frown crossed her face as she turned the machine off, then on again. Apparently not satisfied, she stood and put on her stethoscope. "This might be cold," she warned lightly as she listened to the baby's heart manually. She moved from spot to spot, listening intensely. Finally she put the instrument back around her neck. "Ok, I'm going to get Dr. Cottle to come in and have a look at you." For the first time her voice wavered.

"What's wrong?" Kara demanded.

"I really need to speak with Dr. Cottle. I'm sorry." With these words the medic hurried out, closing the curtain behind her.

Lee sat and took Kara's hand in his. "I'm sure everything's fine."

"Then why does she need Cottle?"

Lee had no answer. Instead the two waited in silence.

_Silence._

But their appointments were never silent. They were always filled with questions, instructions, exclamations, and, under it all, the steady _whooshwhooshwhoosh _of their child's heartbeat. But that was missing today.

From his seat he could just make out the monitor that had given Ishay alarm. She had left it on, and normally pulsing line had been replaced by a straight one.

He looked away quickly, not wanting to alarm Kara, who seemed lost in her own thoughts, but also not wanting to let himself wander down that path. That straight line led to nowhere good, to nowhere real.

But he had underestimated Kara's senses. He felt her hand tighten around his as her body gave a little jerk. He tried to ignore it, but when she said his name he had no choice but to look into her wide eyes.

"Lee. Where's the heartbeat?" 


	23. Chapter 23

A/N: STOP!! Don't read this unless you've read the previous chapter; I am posting two today. I'm sorry for the delay; I've been on a summer language program in Poland and haven't had internet. I start school a week from today so things will be hectic, but I AM going to finish this story. It will be very long, so please stick with me. Reviews really help to keep me going. Please don't hate me for what is to come.

Cottle jerked as the knock on his office door disrupted his downtime. He ignored it and continued rolling a new cigarette. Only when the knock came again did he get up, grumbling, to answer.

"This better be good."

"Sir." Ishay stood straight and tall, but her voice relayed the stress her body hid. Cottle felt a flicker of worry; Ishay was his best medic, and if she needed him, it couldn't be good. "It's Captain Thrace."

"Is she in labor?"

"No sir, I don't think so. She came in complaining of pain and worried that the fetus hadn't been moving recently. I couldn't find its heartbeat."

"You checked manually?"

"Yes sir. And the machine was working fine a few days ago."

Cottle shrugged on his lab coat. "Get the ultrasound machine. Let's be sure."

Back in the cubicle he found the anxious parents-to-be. Lee and Kara were staring at the monitor, as if willing the straight line to flicker. "What kind of pains?"

It took Kara a moment to register his presence. "Cramping. Here." She motioned again with her hands but her eyes never left the monitor.

Cottle sighed; they wouldn't be any help if they were distracted. He reached over and turned off the machine. "Staring at that won't change anything." He put on his stethoscope and repeated the action Ishay had previously done.

"What's wrong?" Lee asked. "What's going on?"

"Be quiet. I'm trying to hear," the doctor grumbled. But there was no heartbeat to be found.

Behind him Ishay wheeled in the ultrasound machine and, wordlessly, proceeded to power it up and prepare it for use. Cottle put the wand to Kara's stomach.

He could see the outline of the fetus, already upside down and positioned near the birth canal. That was good; it would make things easier. The limbs were listless at its side, but their lack of motion was not what concerned Cottle. Rather, it was the absence of another flicker, the one which emanated from the fetus' chest, that confirmed his and Ishay's suspicions. Turning to her, he spoke calmly, as if Lee and Kara were not in the room. "I'll need Dyaxinon and Halotec."

Ishay nodded and turned to gather the needed drugs. Eyes flicking back to Kara and then the monitor, she asked quietly, "You're sure, then?"

Cottle didn't answer; he didn't need to. Ishay nodded again and then disappeared.

"Sure about what? What's going on? Dr. Cottle, what will those drugs do?" Lee's voice carried the authority of his rank and position; military training was kicking in, over-riding and squelching his parental panic. Cottle knew the tone well; it was what Adama had used when his son had been brought into sickbay, bleeding from a gun-shot wound.

Cottle rubbed a hand over his face; he was a grumpy old bastard, he knew that, but he was still human. "The drugs are to induce labor. We need to remove the fetus as soon as possible."

"It's too early!" Kara's tone was one Cottle had never heard her use before, not even when she came in with that knee busted all to hell. Frankly, he didn't think she was capable of producing a voice so full of panic and fear.

"No, Captain Thrace. It's too late. The fetus is unviable."

Lee jerked back as his punched, but Kara continued on as if Cottle hadn't spoken. "Can she survive now? Will she be ok?"

"Kara…" Lee began, but his voice faltered before he could even utter the second syllable of her name. He looked helplessly at Cottle, blue eyes begging for him to take it back, to give them a miracle.

But there would be no miracles today. Cottle took a moment to collect himself. He hadn't realized until this moment how much he had been looking forward to adding another patient to his pediatric roster; how much hope the child had given him for the future of the Fleet. "Captain Thrace. Captain, give me your eyes." She obeyed his quiet command. "The fetus isn't alive. I won't know what happened until we deliver, but it's dead."

This was Starbuck he was dealing with, and he was expecting the worse; perhaps even that she would try to throttle him like Sharon had done. Instead quite the opposite happened. Kara's hands, which had been resting protectively around her stomach, dropped bonelessly to her side, and her eyes suddenly went dead.

It was Lee who reacted with a burst of fury. He jumped out of his chair, knocking it down behind him. "Then you bring her back."

"I can't."

"Yes you can. When she's born, you can…put her on life-support."

"There's no life to support Major."

"So, what? You're just going to cut her out? And then what? What will happen to our daughter?!"

"Major, I understand you are upset…"

"UPSET?!?"

"But this is my sickbay, and if you do not calm yourself I'll have you forcibly removed."

Lee glared at him. "You just try it."

"Lee." Kara gripped his arm and pulled him back to her. "Lee." Although it was all she said, he reacted as if she had spoken one hundred times as many words. He righted the chair and sat back down, spine rigged and jaw set. Kara regarded him even as she spoke to Cottle. "When?"

"That depends on you. We'll break your water and induce labor, but after that, it could be hours."

"Wait." The edge was back in Lee's voice. "You're not doing a…a….She has to push?"

Cottle nodded. "Unfortunately anesthetics are on the ration list. We can't use them unless absolutely necessary for the welfare of the patient."

"I'm pretty sure this would qualify," Lee snapped.

"Physical, not emotional, welfare," Cottle qualified. "Besides, I don't like doing surgeries unless I have to. Trust me, this way is much safer."

"Physically." Lee spat the word as Ishay returned with the needed medicines. She hooked Kara up to the IV while Cottle measured the needed amounts. Carefully, he injected the drugs into the IV.

Her hazel eyes bore into him as he did it. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came. He was never one of sympathy, and besides, no words now would be of any comfort to any of them. "You'll feel the effects soon. We'll do everything we can to speed this along but…" His voice trailed off. "Call me if anything goes remotely wrong," he ordered Isahy. The young medic nodded as Cottle stalked out of the cubicle.

It was moments like this that made him a smoker.

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"It's ok Kara, this one's almost over." Lee held her hand and whispered encouragements to her as Kara rode through another contraction. "It's going down, there you go." As the pain faded away again she let her head fall back onto the propped up pillow. Lee wiped the sweat from her brow with a damp cloth. "They're getting worse."

"Good."

"Why won't you take something?" Cottle had been in two hours ago, offering some basic pain meds, but Kara had been steadfast in her refusal. "Kara, it's been five hours."

She shook her head. "I don't need them."

"You mean you don't want them."

"That too."

"Dammit Kara," he whispered fiercely; Cottle had already reprimanded him twice for raising his voice. "This is not the frakking time to go all Starbuck. No one will think less of you if you just take the pain meds. This is childbirth…"

"Is it?" For the first time since Cottle told her the baby was dead there was a spark of her anger and life. "Is it Lee? When this is over, will we have a child? Or just a corpse?"

"Don't talk like that!"

"It's the frakking truth! I…" But whatever else she was going to say was lost as another contraction ripped through her body. She leaned forward again, gripping Lee's hand. No words of comfort came to him, but he rested his forehead on hers and rubbed her back with his free hand.

"Three minutes," he murmured when the contraction finally subsided. "Cottle said to get him when we were down to two." Kara nodded as she got her breathing under control. "Please Kara, just take something." There was pain in his voice; it hurt him to see her like this.

Kara reached out to stroke his face. "They wouldn't help." He understood her meaning; there were no meds to relieve this pain. His heart ached for them both- for Kara, and the daughter he would never have. "Besides," she continued. "It makes it real. I deserve it."

Before Lee could ask what she meant he felt her tighten her hold on his hand again. For the first time the hissing noise she usually made through her teeth was replaced by a groan. "I think it's time to get Cottle," he said after it had passed once again.

"Yeah," she panted. Reluctantly Lee let go of her hand and left the curtained area. Her voice followed him out as he closed the curtain. "Lords of Kobol, hear my prayer…"

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"Seven….Eight….Nine….Ten. Good."

Lee failed to see how there was anything good about it; Kara had been pushing for more than a quarter of an hour, and the end still seemed very far from sight.

This was not at all how he imagined the birth of his first child would go. For the past few weeks he had been waiting with increasing excitement for the moment when he and Kara would become parents. He'd imagined himself out on CAP, hearing a call to return to _Galactica_ and head for the sickbay. In these fantasies Kara was already there, nervous and anxious and glowing with happiness. The labor was short and relatively pain free, and after three or four pushes their daughter had emerged, shiny and pink, with a head full of hair.

The reality of their current situation smashed that dream to dust.

"Nine…Ten. There's the crown." Cottle glanced up at them. "Only a few more now."

A few more, and then what? What would they have to show for all this, the months of pregnancy, the hours of labor? Their baby, their little miracle, wouldn't even draw one breath.

"Keep pushing, a little more…" Ishay was offering words of encouragement now; Lee no longer could. Beside him Kara gave a strangled cry. He tightened his hold around her shoulders and let her use him for leverage.

And then there was silence.

Kara collapsed against him. At the end of the bed he heard Ishay gasp and Cottle mutter softly, "So that's what happened." Craning his neck, Lee saw his daughter for the first time.

The cord was tangled around her body.

He looked away quickly. He focused on Kara, but out of the corner of his eye he couldn't help but watch Cottle cut the cord and unwrap it from her body. Once done, Ishay wrapped her in a blanket and took her to a side table.

Kara's shoulders tensed again. "What the frak...?"

"It's the afterbirth. Normal." Cottle continued to clean her up.

"Major Adama?" Ishay called to him softly. "Major, would you like to see her?"

His first response was to scream. No, he didn't want to see her! What was there to see? The mangled shell of his child?

And yet his feet had other plans. They moved forward on their own accord. He looked back at Kara, looking for guidance, or perhaps permission, or even forgiveness. But she didn't seem to notice that he was moving; her eyes stared blankly at the far wall as she regained her breath.

He approached the table with caution, afraid of what he might see.

"Here she is."

Ishay had cleaned all the blood and wrapped her in a soft yellow blanket.

She was shiny and pink, with a head full of hair.

His eyes stung and he swallowed down the lump in his throat. Tentatively, he ran his thumb along her cheek. She was still warm.

"You can hold her, if you like," Ishay whispered kindly. "She doesn't feel…." She let the last word hang in the air, unspoken yet known.

"I…I don't…." He couldn't find the words. "I don't know how."

Ishay smiled sadly and reached for the infant. "Just put your arms like this." Lee mimicked her and she put the baby in his arms. "Support the neck," she said automatically, even though they both knew it was no longer necessary to worry about such things.

She was small and light, but warm and solid and real. She looked like she was sleeping, and Lee was tempted to tell them that they had been wrong, that she was alive, that it was all a big mistake.

Cottle had finished cleaning Kara up and approached them. "I'll need a name," he said without preamble. "For the records."

After his one suggestion they hadn't brought up the subject. "We never really discussed names….I don't know…."

"Artemis."

Her voice startled him. Lee turned to see Kara sitting up in the bed.

"Her name is Artemis Thrace Adama."

Cottle looked at Lee, who could only nod mutely. "Alright then."

Kara held out her arms. "Let me hold her."

Slowly Lee walked across the room and laid her in Kara's arms. "Are you sure?" he asked. He didn't know what holding her would do to Kara.

She seemed to have misunderstood him. "It was your idea." She looked down at her daughter and gave her a sad smile. "At least no one will ever call you Missy." The attempt at a smile faltered and her eyes filled with tears. "Lords, you are so beautiful." She pressed her lips to her child's forehead and gave her a little kiss. "I am so sorry."

The apology was meant for her daughter's ears only, but it ripped a hole in Lee's chest. Suddenly he could no longer stay in the cubicle. He pushed past the curtain, stumbling blindly for the head.

He barely made it before the bile that had been building in his stomach for the last six hours erupted. He vomited, his chokes mixing with sobs.

"Lee?"

A deep, gruff voice echoed in the head. After a moment's pause Lee pushed open the door of the stall.

His father was standing by the sink, eyes swimming with tears and his face twisted in grief. "Cottle just paged me."

Lee stood and made his way to the sink. Slowly he rinsed out his mouth. "Have you seen her?"

Adama shook his head. "I saw you coming this way and….Son, I'm so…"

He never finished the sentence. He didn't need to. Lee's face crumpled and as it did, Adama reached out and pulled his son to him, embracing him tightly, and both men wept for the Artemis Thrace Adama who would never be. 


	24. Chapter 24

It was only gradually that Kara became aware that Lee had left the room, so focused was she on the infant lying in her arms. Slowly she had examined every feature on her daughter's face; counted all the toes and fingers; even found a little birthmark hiding on the underside of her left arm. She was perfect in all ways but one.

She wasn't alive.

It was hard to believe that, once, this was what Kara had wanted. That she had prayed so hard for the termination of her pregnancy.

The Gods had a sick way of answering prayers.

The bed dipped slightly beside her. "Hey." His voice was rough; she knew he'd been crying. In some distant part of her mind she realized she hadn't yet. Tears would only get in the way of looking at her daughter, and she was on borrowed time. "Dad's waiting outside." She nodded.

She heard the chair scratch softly across the floor. Adama sat on her left, eye level with Artemis. "So this is her."

"Here she is," Kara confirmed.

Adama reached out a large, weathered hand and gently stroked the child's forehead. "So much hair. Just like Zak. You were born bald."

And then suddenly there were too many dead children in the room. Adama kissed Aretmis' head, then Kara's, and left.

Cottle let them hold her for as long as he could, but eventually the time came to deliver her to the morgue. She watched wordlessly as Ishay carried her out of the cubicle, light brown hair sticking up over the yellow blanket.

It was the last time she saw her.

Afterwards Cottle ordered sleep, and prescribed a sedative to ensure it. If he noticed Lee in the cubicle after he'd left and declared Kara off-limits to visitors, Cottle didn't show it.

The drugs weren't strong, but they were quick and would bring about a dreamless sleep. Lee held her tight to his chest, and Kara wondered if maybe Cottle could give him some drugs too. She should ask…

But already she was fading; her senses started blurring and Lee's voice in her ear seemed to be coming from far away.

"I told them to cremate her. We can scatter the ashes, if you want, or keep them, but….I just didn't want her _there_."

She nodded against him and shifted slightly into a more comfortable position. Her eyes were so heavy, but she forced them open so she could see Lee's face one more time. There were so many things she wanted to tell him, but her tongue felt like cotton and the only words she could get out were, "What do we do now?"

Lee's eyes met hers. His mouth moved but Kara never heard the answer. Sleep claimed her as her eyes slid shut, and the last thought that flittered through her head was that she had forgotten to check what color eyes her daughter had….

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A soft rustling noise woke her, some unknown number of hours later. She felt more than saw that she was alone in the bed; the spot where Lee had been was already cold. Opening her eyes slowly, she saw the blurry outline of a man leaning over the small side table. "Lee?"

The man straightened and took a step back; her vision blinked into focus and she saw not Lee, but one of her nuggets.

"God, I'm sorry Sir, I…"

"Was there something you needed, Fetus?" She wondered how the hell he'd gotten in past Cottle.

"No Sir, we, just…We heard what happened and….Well, here." He handed her a crude card. "We all signed. I'm…I'm really sorry Sir." Kara could only stare in silence. After a moment Fetus gave a salute and made to leave.

"Ensign Wagner." The nugget turned. "Thank you."

"We just want you back Sir." He closed the curtain behind him, leaving Kara to wonder if there would be any way to come back from this.

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She woke up later that evening to someone poking her arm. "Kara?"

"Hey booger."

Hera was sitting on the edge of the bed; her parents hovering just inside the curtain. "How you doing Buck?"

Kara sat up and adjusted Hera's position on the bed, pulling her closer. "I'm not really sure I know how to answer that yet." Helo and Sharon shared a knowing look.

Hera pointed to the place where her belly used to bulge. "No more baby?" The little girl's voice wavered.

Kara smoothed some hair out of the toddler's face. "No, kiddo. No more baby."

Hera's face scrunched up and tears began to flow freely. "Sorry, Kara. Sorry. Sorry." She began to cry in earnest.

Sharon was by their side in an instant, scooping up the little girl. "Karl, can you…?" she asked as she handed their daughter to him.

Helo hesitated for a second, then nodded. Hera buried her head in his shoulder. "We'll be in the waiting room," he said, pulling the curtain closed behind him.

As soon as they were alone Sharon sat on the edge of the bed. "Who sent the card?" she nodded at the bedside table.

"Fetus dropped it off."

"Who else has stopped by?"

Kara shrugged. "The Old Man came by a while ago. I pretended to be asleep."

"How come?"

Again the shrug. "Just couldn't deal with it."

"Kara…"

"So Lee bailed, huh?"

Sharon gave her a quizzical look. "You mean you don't know?"

"Know what?"

"He's been on CAP since 0730."

"What?"

"Yeah. Helo said he showed up on the flight deck and pulled Hot Dog off the rotation. Told him to go back to bed. He refused to land til he was bingo fuel, around 1400. Then he just jumped in another bird and went right back up." She paused, then carefully put her hand on Kara's knee. "He's hurting too, Kara."

She felt her eyes starting to sting and rolled them to try to hid it. "Wish I could be up there."

"Hey. You guys _will _get through this. Trust me on this."

"Yeah," Kara scoffed. "Except you guys got Hera back."

"And I thank God for that every day. Sometimes even your gods. But that doesn't mean that that year..." She trailed off and cleared her throat before continuing. "Look, the pain you're feeling? I'm not going to tell you it eventually goes away, because it doesn't. But one day, you'll wake up and she won't be the first thing you think about." She grabbed the other woman's hand. "You saw how I was, after Hera died. I don't want that to happen to you." She gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. "I don't want you to lose faith, Kara."

Kara's head snapped up. "What did you say?" The words came out like a raspy growl.

Sharon gave her a confused, wary look. "I said I didn't want you to give up hope…"

"Get out!"

"Kara…"

"NOW!!"

Sharon backed out slowly. "Ok. We'll see you later. If you need anything…" But Kara simply gave her a murderous glare. Sharon left, shaking her head in total confusion.


	25. Chapter 25

A/N: Sorry for the delays. The semester was crazy. I hope everyone is still interested in this story. This chapter could be thought of as the end of Part One. From here we'll be spinning in some different directions, but don't worry- our favorite pilots will still be front and center.

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It was the beep that brought him back to reality.

Three percent of fuel remained in his viper.

Lee sighed and took another pass around Colonial One. He wasn't sure what time it was. Not that it really mattered, when everything was said and done. There were no nights in space, no mornings, no sunsets. Just routine, schedule, bright lights during "day" shifts, ambient ones for the "night." For three years, that was all he'd known.

His daughter was supposed to remedy that. She had made him feel something he'd thought lost forever- _hope_. Hope that even out here among the stars, life could still exist. That even during a time of perpetual war, life could still retain some semblance of normalcy. Kara had teased him once that he'd be one of _those_ fathers. The truth was, Lee didn't really know what kind of father he would be.

But he had really wanted to find out.

The logical part of his brain- the one that refused to be shut down- told him that he could still be a father, if he wanted. He and Kara could still be parents.

That's what Cottle had told him this morning. He and Kara were young. They had time. Even with one ovary, she could get pregnant again. Lee had nodded respectfully and then ran to the flight deck.

He'd remained in space ever since.

It hurt too much to think about future children when this one- Artemis, the one he'd already loved more than he ever though possible- was lying in the morgue awaiting cremation.

After Zak's death, Lee had coped by blaming his father. After Kara died, he'd tried to disappear behind Apollo. He wasn't sure what to do in this situation, but right now constant flying seemed like a good way to avoid it.

The beep was more insistent this time. Two percent.

Reluctantly Lee turned back to _Galactica_.

He'd been alone long enough.

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She felt more than heard him enter the cubicle, and when he pressed his lips to her forehead she even smiled. "You were gone a long time."

Lee stroked her cheek gently. "I know. I had to figure some things out."

Kara straightened up in the bed. "And did you?"

She saw Lee smile, but she also saw the tension underlying it. "Yeah, I did. Look, Kara. I talked to Cottle today," his eyes flicked to the curtain, "And this was hard, but we both think it's for the best."

"Lee what are you…?"

But just then Cottle entered the area, a team of faceless nurses behind him. "We have to move fast. I have an appointment with the Cheese Man and he doesn't like to be kept waiting." He lit a cigarette and approached the bed. "We're taking you into surgery."

"Now? What's wrong?" One of the nurses approached the bed and began strapping her arms down. "What the frak are you doing?"

"Can't use anesthesia," Cottle mumbled.

"It's on the ration list, don't you remember Kara?" Lee gently held her hand.

"But what surgery?" They were now wheeling her down a long corridor, unlike any she'd ever seen in Sick Bay.

"We're removing your other ovary." Cottle laughed at her from behind a thick cloud of smoke. "What, did you think we'd let you keep killing babies?"

"I didn't!"

"Kara," Lee's voice was patronizing. "We all know you did."

"Lee, you can't let them…Don't….I didn't…." But she felt dizzy with panic, and the gurney was moving faster and faster. Cottle kept laughing, and Lee's voice was in her ear, taunting her. "You killed her Kara. You killed her."

He was joined by another voice, one she hadn't heard in almost seven years. _"You're a cancer Kara. You destroy everything you touch. No one will ever want you."_

Hallways were zipping by now, and every once in a while she thought she saw Sharon at the end of one. Though she couldn't hear her, Kara knew what she was saying. "Do not lose faith."

"We're here," Cottle announced as they whipped around a corner—

Only there was no room, only Leoben.

Kara looked down and saw that she was no longer lying in bed. She wasn't even on _Galactica_. Instead, she and Leoben were in a forest, bathed in moonlight. "What are you doing Kara?" he asked. "I thought you were better. I thought I'd prepared you for this."

His words floated in the air around them for a minute, before crystallizing in her mind. "You knew this would happen?" Leoben nodded sadly. "And you didn't tell me?!"

"All this has happened before, and it will all happen again." A voice, soft and female, carried over on the wind. Kara spun around wildly, looking for the source. As she did, Leoben spoke.

"I had to keep it from you. If you'd known, everything could be ruined."

"No!" Kara stalked towards him angrily. "I am sick of your riddles and half-truths. I want some frakking answers!"

As if in response, a newborn's cry pierced the night.

Kara's eyes widened in surprise. Both she and Leoben stared at each other for a handful of heartbeats- and then they were both running towards the sound. Over tree logs, under branches- the cry was getting stronger, she was on the right path. Behind her Leoben shouted for her to stop, but she ignored him. "Artemis!"

The forest dipped into a gully, and shooting up from it was a bright white light. That was it, she was so close…

When suddenly Hera appeared in her path. Kara stopped short, least she tackle to toddler.

"You can't go any further." Hera spoke with the voice that Kara had just heard, although her body was that of a young girl.

"But Artemis…"

"Is not here. You cannot know what lies beyond this point." Hera smirked, an odd expression for one so young to make. "Even you are not so special as to know the future, Kara Thrace. But don't worry; you will have help when the time comes." She smiled. "The stars in your eyes will guide you."

Kara looked up, and swirling in the night sky were strange and foreign constellations.

"Do you see now?" Leoben asked behind her. Hera was gone now, as was the light. The only sound was the soft rustle of the wind.

She turned slowly. "This isn't my fault." A relieved smile spread across his face. "But someone always has to take the blame." And now she had a gun in her hands, and she fired.

Leoben crumpled to the ground. Blood oozed from his abdomen. "Why?" he gasped.

"You took me. That's why she's dead. If you'd left me…"

"No…."

"IF you'd left me she'd still be alive!!" She aimed the gun at his head.

"This is a dream Kara. You cannot kill me."

She cocked the gun. "Maybe not, but this will sure make me feel better."

She fired.

The crack of the gun overlapped with that of a chair tipping over. "Frak!" she heard a male voice whisper in the dark.

She was back in Sick Bay.

"Lee?" Even in the darkness, she could tell he looked terrible. His flight suit hung at his waist and his hair was damp with sweat.

"Did I wake you?"

"It's ok."

He righted the chair and pulled it up next to the bed. "How are you feeling?"

She shrugged. "You?"

Lee shrugged too and then reached for her hand.

_You destroy everything you touch._

She flinched, drawing her hand away as if he'd burned her. She saw the hurt in his eyes, but she knew there was nothing she could do to help him. Silence hung heavy between them.

"I should shower," Lee finally said. Kara nodded. "Should I come back…?"

Kara shook her head. "It'd be best if you didn't."

Lee didn't argue; he simply stood and walked away. At the curtain, he turned back. "I ran into Ishay. She's been cremated."

"I want to scatter them."

He nodded. "I'll see if I can get a Raptor free for the morning."

"Ok." She knew he was waiting for her to look at him once more, so she purposely kept her eyes low. After a minute, she heard him sigh and then finally leave.

She thought she'd have a hard time falling back to sleep, but to her surprise she felt herself slipping rather quickly. In her last waking moments, she thought back over what Leoben had said.

Artemis' death might not be her fault, but someone had to pay. He was right; she couldn't kill him.

So another skin job would just have to take his place.

And she knew exactly who it would be.


	26. Chapter 26

A/N: Merry Belated Christmas! And thanks to all who have stuck with me.

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The funeral for Artemis Thrace Adama took place the next morning, at 0945. Only four were in attendance- her parents, Helo and Sharon.

"I'll leave if you want," Sharon had said as Kara approached the Raptor. "But I wanted you to know I was here for you." Kara had shaken her head and made a fumbling attempt at an apology, but Sharon had cut her off with a gentle touch to the arm. "Don't. I understand." That was all that needed to be said.

Lee had arrived shortly thereafter, carrying the small, non-descript metal container.

The ride into space was quiet. Kara and Lee sat in the back, together but miles apart. The helmets obscured their faces for the most part, and neither made any attempt to work around it.

"This look good?" Helo asked from the pilot seat. Kara wasn't sure exactly where they were, but stood anyway. After all, the ashes wouldn't stay in one place. They would separate, drift far away from each other, until they were simply solitary specks floating in the black.

The door opened. Lee fumbled a bit with the canister; it was hard to open with the gloves. Kara made to help, but he pulled away, giving it one last hard twist.

The ashes sprinkled out in a wave of dust. Light from a nearby ship illuminated them for the briefest of moments. And then they were gone.

She was gone.

Only her grip on the doorframe kept Kara from leaping out to join her.

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Lee had hoped that he'd feel better after the ashes had been scattered. He felt as if he'd been living in limbo for the past two days. The funeral would bring about closure.

It had, but not in the way he had thought. With closure came the unwanted sense of permanence. Before he had been living for this moment. But now she was gone, "buried," and there was nothing left to do but grieve.

And live.

On the way back Kara had turned off her comm. link. Her head had been bowed for the duration of the return, and although Lee couldn't see her lips, he knew she was praying.

Until this point their relationship had been defined by their daughter. Lee wasn't sure where they stood now. All he knew was Kara was a notorious runner, and that he wasn't sure he had the strength to give chase this time.

Sharon landed the Raptor near the rear, and the Chief directed it to an inconspicuous corner. None of the deckhands came near, and Lee wondered briefly what they had been told. He popped his helmet. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Kara do the same.

The door opened and Kara bounded out, then stopped. Lee hadn't seen her like this in a long while. Her body was taut, as if she were anticipating an attack. Her chin was set, and her eyes smoldered with unchecked rage.

She scared him.

"Kara?"

"She's gone Lee. They took her and she's gone."

"What are you talking about?"

"'The guilty will stand judgment and be punished.' It's Scripture. Someone must be punished for this."

Images of Kara hurting herself came unbidden into his mind. He grabbed her by the shoulders and twisted her around. "This wasn't your fault."

She shoved him up against the side of the Raptor, fingers digging deep into his flightsuit. "Don't you ever frakking say that to me again," she breathed. "This is what I have to do. Don't get in my way." And then she was gone.

"You ok?" Helo asked from the ramp.

"You see that?"

Helo shook his head. "Starbuck doesn't deal well with this kind of stuff. Let her go a few rounds with a punching bag." He regarded Lee with a cock of his head. "When was the last time you ate?"

"Don't remember." Lee rubbed his hand over his face. "I need to get some work done."

"Come to the Mess with us."

"Not hungry."

"Some coffee then." Helo cut off Lee's protest. "You need to take care of yourself. You won't do anyone good if you collapse on duty."

Lee simply nodded and allowed himself to be led to the Mess.

"So how have you been doing?" Helo asked after a few moments.

"I think it's just now hitting me that this is real."

Sharon looked back over her shoulder. "Are you sure we shouldn't look for Kara?"

"I told you, she needs to go a few rounds with the punching bag."

She sighed. "Look, I don't want to take anything away from your grief, but Kara is going through this on a whole different level. I don't want her to blame herself and do something crazy."

Lee shook his head. "She didn't seem to be blaming herself."

"I'm glad, but that doesn't mean…."

"She said 'they.'"

Sharon stopped. "What do you mean?"

"That's what she said. 'They.' 'They took her.' And then she ran off."

Sharon's eyes went wide. "Oh God. I know where she is." She started running.

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The faint breeze off the lake felt good against her cheeks. It carried with it the fresh scent of lavender and pine. She breathed it in deep and smiled.

"Enjoying yourself, I see." Her companion's voice tickled her ears.

Caprica Six opened her eyes. "This was my favorite place in all of Caprica."

"Yes, so I remember." Baltar sat on the neighboring lawn chair. "And this, I believe, was your favorite drink." He handed her a chilled cocktail. "Sunset again I see. Have you noticed we always come here at sunset?"

"I like the way the light plays on the lake."

"It does the same at sunrise. I think."

Six giggled lightly. "Gaius, were you ever up to see the sunrise?"

"Of course I was," he scoffed. "All those nights when I never went to sleep."

"This is also the time I would come," she went on. "We'd have drinks out here on the deck before turning to more…strenuous activities." She gave him a sexy grin as her fingers traced patterns on his palm.

"Yes, those were the days," Baltar took a sip of his drink. "Too bad this place doesn't exist anymore."

She stopped her advances and turned back to the lake. "Something you are constantly reminding me of."

"Oh come now. You still feel guilty?"

Six closed her eyes. "I don't want to discuss it."

"Fine, deny all you want." She heard him shift slightly in his chair, occasionally sipping his drink.

For a few precious moments she was at peace, listening to the birds sing their evening song and feeling the last of the sun's rays warm her body.

Baltar broke her out of her reverie. "We have company."

Six opened her eyes. Standing in front of the glass cage was a fierce blonde woman dressed in a flightsuit. Although Caprica Six had never actually seen her she knew this was the Starbuck the others were so interested in.

For a few moments Starbuck simply stared. Then, without turning away, she said something to the guard. Six couldn't hear, but the guard's response must have angered her because some of the fury in her eyes was suddenly directed to the young Marine. This time Starbuck yelled and pointed emphatically at the door. Reluctantly he opened it. Six knew the routine; she automatically retreated to the farthest corner.

"You're dismissed Corporal," Starbuck said. The Marine hesitated slightly before slowly heading for the exit. "Wait." She held out her hand but never took her eyes off Six. "Give me your sidearm."

"Sir…"

"I said give me the frakking weapon Corporal!" He complied. "Now get out."

With one last bewildered look, the young Marine left the main room.

Only now did the pilot enter the cage. The gun twitched slightly in her hand, but she didn't raise it. "Remember me?" She advanced slowly.

Six put up a calm front. "We've never actually met, but I know who…"

"Never MET?" Starbuck's tone was icy. "Your wires get crossed? Let me refresh your memory. Delphi. Arrow of Apollo. You on your back with a spike through you heart!"

Six shook her head. "That wasn't me…"

"You're all the frakking SAME!" Now Starbuck was within touching distance, and she raised the weapon. Six's eyes widened as she looked for a way out. Starbuck laughed. "I'm not going to shoot you." She tossed the pistol in the air and caught it by the barrel. "But this is going to hurt."

The blow to her temple caused Six to stagger against the wall, but somehow she managed to stay upright. She sensed more than saw the second blow and ducked just in time. But now Starbuck was done with the gun. Six heard it scatter across the floor as Starbuck grabbed hold of her shoulders, kneed her in the gut and then threw her onto the floor.

"Get up." Six didn't move. "I said get up you frakking bitch." Six felt strong arms pull her up to her feet. Starbuck punched twice- a left to the face and a right into her abdomen. Six grunted and fell to her knees, shielding her face behind her arms. "Fight back!" Starbuck yelled as she pulled on Six's hair, forcing her to look at the pilot. "Fight me!" Six shook her head and Starbuck let out a primal scream.

Another vicious kick sent Six sprawling on her back. Starbuck was on her in an instant, and all Six could do was try in vain to shield herself from the woman's fists.

Then suddenly it was over. Two men- Agathon and Apollo- pulled Starbuck off her. The woman began fighting them, but the taller man held her firm against a wall. Six felt gentle hands on her wounds and looked up to see Sharon's familiar face.

"Kara, STOP."

"Let me go Karl or I swear…."

"What the frak were you thinking?" Apollo was in her face now. "I should throw your ass in hack…."

"Don't let him," Gaius whispered in her ear. "Trust me."

"Don't." Six's voice cracked as she spoke, but it was enough to silence everyone. "Don't want to press charges."

"Hey I don't need you on my frakking side!" Starbuck took a step forward but Agathon pushed her back against the wall.

"Dammit Kara don't make me hurt you!"

"She was in the Farms!" She pointed to her stomach. "She was there when they did this! They took her! She's dead because of them!! Kacey wasn't enough, they had to take her too!" Six wasn't sure what she was talking about, or what twists and turns of logic was causing her to connect the two of them.

Agathon seemed to understand though, as did Apollo. The shorter one cupped her face and spoke in a softer voice. "Kara…"

Starbuck pushed his hand away. "What, now you want to help? Where were you yesterday Lee?" Before he could answer she shoved him aside. "I don't want your pity. From any of you." Apollo made a sound but she cut him off with a voice devoid of emotion. "Just leave me the frak alone." She walked out of the cage, banging the outer hatch shut behind her.

"Go after her!" Agathon scolded.

But Apollo's face had become expressionless. His shoulders slumped as he shook his head. "No. Not this time. Not anymore." Without another word, he too left.

Agathon stared after him until his wife called to his attention. "We need to get her to Sickbay."

"I already paged them." The Marine was back. "They're on their way."

Agathon knelt next to Sharon. "How is she?"

"She'll live, but Starbuck did a number. Broken ribs, at least."

"Frak."

A reassuring hand slipped into hers. Six turned her head slightly to see Baltar kneeling next to her. "Why?" she whispered.

Sharon sighed. "She just lost a baby and she thinks…."

But her words were lost as Baltar answered. "I'll tell you soon. Just rest now."

Six closed her eyes as the Med Team arrived.

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"_Could you imagine you, yourself, with a wife, and a porch swing, cause Gods know you'd have a porch swing, and a kid?"_

Kara poured another shot and let the liquid burn through her body.

"_I thought it would be nice. Teach him to swim, throw a ball."_

It seemed like an eternity ago that she had had that conversation with Lee. Their last real conversation before their relationship entered one of its darkest periods.

"_Bright shiny futures are overrated anyways."_

"Yes they are," she muttered, offering a toast to the empty room. She felt stupid, so stupid. She'd actually let herself believe that a bright shiny future had been possible for her and Lee. She should have known better. She felt as if for the last few months she'd been playing dress up, pretending to be someone she wasn't. And now playtime was over, and it was time to return to her true self: Kara Thrace, Frak-Up Extraordinaire.

"_I'm a screw-up Lee, try to keep that in mind."_

He should have remembered that. _She_ should have remembered that.

She drained her glass again.

"Thought I'd find you here."

Kara meet Tight's gaze evenly as he entered the Rec Room. She nudged the chair across from her out from under the table. "Want a drink?"

Tigh sat down. "I'm on duty."

Kara snorted as she poured. "Like that's stopped you before."

"That's no way to talk to your superior officer, Captain." Still, he accepted the drink. "To broken Cylons." He drank.

Kara lowered her glass. "So you know."

"Cottle paged CIC. You're lucky the Old Man wasn't there."

"You going to put me in hack?"

Tigh shrugged as he poured himself another shot. "She says not to. And I'm not about to throw you in the brig for doing something I've wanted to do myself." He looked at her. "Besides, you've been through enough."

Only Tigh could get away with saying that.

Kara looked down at her empty glass. "I just want it to stop."

"What?"

"All of it. You know, it's like, just when I think I can't lose anymore, they find a way…" She trailed off as she poured again.

"Well, that's why the Gods gave us two of everything. So we'd have a spare when the Cylons took one."

Kara laughed bitterly. "We should form a club."

"Old Man didn't like it last time we tried." Tigh downed his drink and stood. "But you go ahead. Drink and be insubordinate and cause trouble. No would blame you."

"Frak you. Don't try that reverse psychology bullshit on me again."

"I'm not trying anything. How do you think I knew where to find you?" Kara looked away. "It's what you do. Turn to the drink when the going gets tough. If you were fit to fly, you'd be up there playing chicken with the refinery ship." He leaned across the table. "Give me your eyes." She did. "This life's been frakked up for everyone for a good long while now, and some get more frakked then others. The cowards rot on the inside. The brave ones…They _live_. They _survive_." He stood back up. As he walked out he called, "Time to decide which one you are, Starbuck."

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"No other way to do it. It's gonna hurt." Cottle yanked Six's arm, popping the shoulder back in place. She gritted her teeth against the pain. The doctor rotated the arm and then nodded. "Looks good. You have a cracked rib; only thing for that is to wrap them up. The bruises are gonna last a while, I'm afraid. I'm keeping you here overnight, to be sure."

As if on cue two Marines stepped forward, handcuffing Six to the bed.

"Thanks, we all feel so protected. Now give her some privacy."

The Marines gave each other sidelong glances. "Sir, we're to stand guard."

"Which you can do on the other side of the curtain. Now." The Marines moved. "Frakking Marines invading my Sick Bay…." He muttered as he examined the restraints. "These hurt?"

Six shook her head. "They're necessary."

Cottle grunted. "I'm giving you some Morpha."

"No. I don't need it."

"Don't like martyrs in my Sick Bay, young lady. You're getting it."

Almost immediately the pain from her shoulder and ribs started to fade. "You helped everyone on New Caprica. Human and Cylon. Didn't you?"

Cottle continued scribbling on her chart. "You have a point?"

"Why? And why now?"

Cottle sighed. "The noble answer is I took an oath. 'First do no harm.' Just that. No harm to any patient, whoever or whatever they are. I've seen the insides of more people- Human and Cylon- than I'd like, and I'll be damned if I can't tell them apart. Maybe if more people realized that we'd be able to end this frakked up mess and live normal lives again." He hooked the chart to the end of the bed, lit a cigarette and took a long drag. "But the truth is I'm a grumpy old bastard with a weakness for blondes. Now get some rest."

"Was he flirting with you?" Baltar asked with indignation from her bedside. "Should I be worried?"

Six giggled. "Gaius, you're cute when you're jealous."

"And you, my dear, are high." She giggled again and closed her eyes. "Ah," he continued. "I see we're back at sunset."

She leaned over the railing, marveling at the sun. "Are you going to explain what happened before?"

"It's simply, really. A little mercy now and then goes a long way, especially when it's directed towards the Admiral's 'daughter.'"

She turned to him, incredulous. "Is that all?"

Baltar laughed. "Well, you can't tell me after all you've done that you didn't deserve it."

She turned away from him. Somewhere nearby a nightingale started it's tune. The breeze seemed cooler tonight, and she rubbed her arms. "She thought I was the model from the museum. And in the farms."

"So I heard."

"That wasn't me. I'm not them Gaius. I never hurt her."

"No, you were just instrumental in the destruction of her civilization."

The sun sank lower. "I tried to amend that. New Caprica…."

"Was a disaster, yes I know. Pity, too, it was such a lovely little dustball of a planet."

"You played your part," she sneered.

Baltar shook his head. "I believe you are referring to my corporeal manifestation. No, I remained here for the duration of that occupation."

"But I tried. It was the others who…"

"I know, I know. I'm getting a bit weary of this, you know. You knew you worked best alone; why trust the others with your plan? Especially that D'Anna; I always knew she'd be trouble."

"What would you have me do Gauis?"

"I hate seeing you like this. All the false guilt. It doesn't suit you."

"_False_ guilt?!"

"Well, yes. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself locked in that cage, why don't you do something about it?"

"There's nothing to do."

The sun was but a sliver on the horizon.

"Really?" asked Baltar. "You can think of nothing that would help them?"

She stared out onto the water for a long time. "No," she finally gasped.

"Ah, you've figured it out."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"I would be betraying my people. It would be the end to our civilization."

"I believe they call that 'leveling the playing field.'" He took her hands in his. "Today Starbuck said you were all the same. But I know that you are not. You are different; you alone are called Caprica. Face it, they have not been your people for a long time now." The sun was gone now, and the full moon cast everything in a surreal glow. "Prove her wrong; prove them all wrong. Show them how to survive, and you will redeem yourself in the eyes of God."

Caprica closed her eyes.

And nodded.

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He was in their quarters. Kara wasn't sure how she knew, only that when she left the Rec Room moments after Tigh with Lee Adama on her mind, her feet had led her there.

At the door she paused. She wasn't sure what she'd find inside, but she wasn't running away. Tigh had been right; it was time to choose.

And Kara Thrace was no coward.

So taking a deep breath, she opened the door.

Lee jumped at the sound. He was sitting on the couch, blank paper and pen in front of him. He sighed sadly. "I was hoping to avoid doing this in person…"

And then she noticed the packed duffel bag.

Words came easy when it came to Lee.

The truth didn't.

But before she could stop it, both were spilling out of her. "Were you only with me because of her?"

"Kara, don't…"

She held up her hand to stop him. "It's a simple question Lee. If she was the only reason why you were here, then go. Go now, and don't come back." She took a shuddering breath and stepped towards him. "But if you were here for me, for us, then I'm asking you not to go. Don't leave Lee." She swallowed. "I'm not running."

He paced between the coffee table and the couch. "These are family quarters. We can't stay here."

"Are you saying we're not family?"

He stopped and glared. "That's not what I meant and you know it."

"You didn't answer my first question."

"What do you want me to say Kara?"

"The truth."

"The truth?" Lee threw up his hands. "The truth is I don't know what I'm supposed to do now. I don't know where we stand."

"I don't either. But I know if you walk out that door now there'll be no coming back from it." She moved until she was standing right in front of him. "Just answer the question."

"It's complicated." He walked away and leaned against the wall, keeping his back to her.

"It's a yes or no question."

Lee was quiet. "Yes," he finally answered. "She was why I was here."

Kara felt her stomach plummet to the floor. It was as if her body suddenly realized how tired it was from everything that had happened in the last forty-eight hours. Gripping the edge of the couch, she somehow guided her body to sit.

"Kara."

"Don't Lee. Just….don't." She stared at the floor.

The table moved back, and then Lee was kneeling in front of her. Taking her hands in his, he started speaking before she had a chance to protest. "If you hadn't been pregnant, I would have never come to you. I would never have been brave enough. She gave me a reason…an excuse, really." He paused. "She gave the strength to do what I've wanted to do for years."

Tears gathered behind her eyes. "Me too." She gave his hands a squeeze. "So, I guess the real question is, are we strong enough for each other."

Lee brushed a stray piece of hair from her face. "Yeah. I think so." He kissed her softly. Kara responded in kind, and that kiss held more meaning than any words could. It mourned the death of their child, but was also hopeful for their future; it conveyed the words they had yet to say to one another, but which both knew to be true.

When it was over she rested her forehead on his. "I'm so tired."

"I know," he whispered, hands gently running along her back. When she nuzzled against him Lee helped her to stand and half carried her to bed. They held each other tight, her head resting on his chest. "You scared me today."

"I scared myself a little."

He smiled slightly as he tightened his hold. "That's a first."

"I just….It's like there's this weight on my chest and it hurts to breathe. And I just wanted to hurt someone; make them hurt like me." She drew a long, shuddering breath. "Oh Gods Lee, she's really gone."

"Yeah. Yeah, she is."

For the first time, Kara let herself break down. She sobbed for her child as Lee held her, his own tears running down his face. After a long time exhaustion seized them both.

They woke up the next morning holding each other tight, and while neither knew it, they had already begun to heal.


	27. Chapter 27

A/N: Happy New Year!! See A/N below.

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"Do you believe her?" The second the hatch had swung closed Roslin asked the question that had been on their minds for the last two hours.

"Frak no," Tigh growled from his corner. His eye twitched from Adama to Roslin. "Sorry."

Roslin waved off his curse, settling her hands on her hips as she started pacing. "It could be a trap….but if it's not…." She couldn't bring herself to finish the thought.

"If it's not," Adama finally spoke. "It would mean a huge military victory. Might even end this war."

Roslin stopped and stared.

"That's a pretty big if, Bill," Tigh said. Adama nodded. He stared at his model ship, as if it held the answers. Roslin leaned over a chair, deep in though, while Tigh simply crossed his arms and leaned against the wall.

Five hours ago, Adama had received a message. It read simply, "The Cylon wants to talk." It had quickly and quietly been conveyed to the President and Tigh

Two hours ago Adama and Roslin had entered the glass cage, while Tigh looked on through the false mirror.

"You wanted to talk?" he had asked.

The Cylon had nodded. He'd noticed that her face had almost completely healed from- well, he'd heard rumors of a fight here two weeks prior, but had had enough sense not to go poking around. He didn't want to know.

"There are some things you need to know. Things that might help you," she had started. She had glanced to the side, to the empty corner behind him. Adama still wasn't sure what she had seen there, but whatever it was, it had clearly given her strength. "After the Independence War, the Cylons- the old models- left your system. We evolved into what we are today. Did you never wonder where we went? Where we attacked from?"

Roslin had leaned forward in her chair. "You're talking about the Cylon Home World."

The Cylon- Six, Adama remembered, was what she called herself- had smiled. "I always found that term strange. 'Cylon Home World.' But we were created by you, so wouldn't our Home World also be your own?" After a slight pause she'd continued. "But yes, in a matter of speaking. Our Home Base, though, to put it more accurately. You see, after the Armistice, our ancestors couldn't find a planet that would support us- the new generation. So they built one."

"A planet?"

"Space station really, although that doesn't quite to it justice. More like a floating city- but one about three times that of Caprica City."

One word in particular had captured his attention. "By floating, you mean…"

Six had nodded. "It _moves_." And then the words that changed the war in Adama's mind forever. "It's the fall back line. It follows the Fleet."

"How far behind?"

"Six, maybe seven jumps. Our jumps, not yours."

"And you know where it is?"

The Cylon had dropped her head at this and sighed, pursing her lips. "It's complicated." Her head had cocked, as if she were listening to something. With a slight nod, she'd looked back at them. "Each model number has a distinct personality type, in a general sense, and memories geared towards their particular mission. The Eight currently on board- the one you call Sharon- had never flown a Raptor before she came here. She was able to do so because she 'remembered' the training the first Eight- the Sleeper- had received."

"She remembered?" Roslin had interrupted, somewhat skeptically.

"There is no better way to describe it. To us, it is natural. I have experiences which differ from other Sixes, but we all share common knowledge on certain things. This is one of them."

Roslin had looked at him. "She never mentioned this?"

Six had cut in. "Sharon wouldn't have known. Her model has always been considered…weak. Eights are the most…._human_ of us." Adama had expected her to say the word with disgust, but instead it had been spoken more with regret.

"But you know?"

"My model was created for missions. We are considered the most reliable." The corners of her mouth twitched. "Ironic, don't you think? I don't know where the Base is now, nor have I been there. But I have memories of it. The location is here," she'd touched her head. "I could access it if I plugged in."

"Here's my question," Roslin had said. "Why should we trust you?"

Again the Cylon had looked as if she were having a conversation with herself. Her head had snapped to the left, confusion on her face. Then she'd taken a deep breath and said, "I knew Dr. Baltar on Caprica. Before the attacks. I convinced him to give me the security codes. That was how we were able to shut down your mainframe."

Roslin had stood at this point and, without a word, walked out.

"Why are you telling us this?"

"Do you believe in God, Admiral?"

"No. I don't."

Six had nodded. "We went against God that day. God is love, not hate. Life, not death. Genocide once is sin enough, but to chase you? To enslave you on New Caprica? This war is damning both our sides. Isn't it time to stop?"

He'd considered her for a moment. "I think you've finally said something I can agree with."

"What I wouldn't give to throw her out the airlock." Roslin's mutterings brought Adama back to the present.

Tigh chuckled. "It has been a while."

A ghost of a smile crossed her face, but then she sombered. "You aren't seriously considering it, are you?"

Adama shrugged. "It's a tempting target."

"They haven't attacked in nine weeks, and that was a lone scout."

"They went fifty-two weeks, once," Tigh reminded them. "They'll be back."

"Sometimes you have to roll a hard six."

"This is a risky op, sir," Tigh countered. "It's one hell of a hard six."

"What was it she said?" Roslin tapped her forehead. "Six or seven of their jumps? How many would it take us?"

"Have to check with Gaeta, but probably twenty for _Galactica_. Double for a Raptor." Still, Adama couldn't help thinking it could be possible.

"No," Roslin shook her head. "I won't separate the Fleet that far. It's too much of a risk. We could lose everything."

She was right, he knew it.

"Besides," Roslin continued. "We don't even know if she's telling the truth. You'd have to send a, a,..." she snapped her fingers, "a Recon mission first. And if we had to jump before the Raptor got back? They'd be lost forever."

Adama sighed. He knew Roslin well enough to know when he'd lost. He glanced at Tigh…

The XO's eye was dancing, and a smug smile was settling across his face. "We still got that Heavy Raider Starbuck dragged in?"

Adama felt the beginnings of a smile. "The Chief took it apart. We still have the brain though. If we only had a stealth fighter…"

Tigh nodded knowingly, then picked up the phone. "This is the XO. Send the Chief to the Admiral's Quarter's, on the double." He hung up. "Admiral. Madame President," he nodded as he left the room. Behind him the announcement echoed in the corridor. "Pass the Word. Chief to Admiral's Quarter's…."

"Admiral," Roslin's voice was shaky. "What are you doing?"

"Now? Nothing." She looked at him skeptically. "I promise Madame President, nothing. For now. But it always helps to be prepared."

She sat down in front of his desk. "Even if she's telling the truth…This is too much."

"We've taken risks before. With the tylium, remember?"

"This is different."

"Why?"

"Why?! Didn't you hear what she said? This isn't some out of the way rock, this is their fall back line."

"We would take a hit. _If_ we attacked."

She shook her head. "Is the hit worth it?"

"Is peace?"

She didn't get to answer as the hatch opened slowly. "Sir? You wished to see me?"

"Come in Chief," Adama came around the desk to meet him. "Do you still have the plans from the Blackbird?"

Tyrol looked confused, but he nodded. "Yes Sir."

Adama glanced at Roslin, who nodded. "Seems we'll be needing another one."

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A/N: Ok, so no pilots here, but this was necessary to set up this second section. Hopefully you're intrigued enough to stay with me….And perhaps review? They do feed my muse.


	28. Chapter 28

A/N: Just read to the end; I promise it gets better.

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The morning after the funeral, and all that had come with it, they were woken early by a quiet knock on the door. She'd been reluctant to let go of Lee, even for a moment, as he made his way to the hatch.

There'd been no one there, only a piece of paper. Lee regarded it for a moment, then slipped back into bed, handing it to her.

It was a modified plan for the day. Helo was taking over the morning briefing. Gimbals and Hot Dog were splitting his CAP; Racetrack was covering her class. Neither had asked for help, but it had been given, and both were too tired to argue. Lee's arms pulled her back towards him, and she snuggled into his warmth once again.

They spent the day in bed, talking, remembering. Lee played with her long hair, running his fingers through its strands. They talked about their childhoods, the months they had been separated by New Caprica. Topics which before had been too painful to broach, but which they could now share freely, because, really, was there anything more painful than this?

That night she cried, and Lee rocked her in his arms.

The next day Lee refused to take any more generosity from their friends and colleagues. While he was on CAP Kara visited Cottle. He put her on a weekly plan to get back into physical shape.

They were soldiers in a war. The dead couldn't be mourned forever.

Except at night, when reality crashed down on her and she wept. Lee whispered soft words in her ears and poured all his strength into her until sleep finally came.

She cried again on the third night. It would turn out to be the last.

Again, Lee had held her until she fell asleep. But this time, she woke in the middle of the night to find his side of the bed empty and a ribbon of light spilling out from the head. Just when she thought her heart couldn't break anymore, it did.

Lee was bent over the sink, sobbing silently. His shoulders shuddered with each shaking breath. She didn't say a word, simply wrapped her arms tight around his chest and whispered soft nothings in his ear. His arms shook, and she guided them both to the bathroom floor.

And this time, she rocked him.

She dreamed that night and woke in the morning with one single purpose. Silently, so as not to wake Lee, she gathered her idols and a photograph, and crept out the hatch.

The Memorial Hall was empty this early in the day; no one would see the mighty Starbuck praying for the soul of her dead daughter. She pinned the last sonogram on the wall, in the place where her picture had once hung. Though they'd never gotten along in life, she felt confident Kat would look over her baby.

A hand slipped into hers. He'd followed her. A calloused hand reached out to smooth the corners of the photo.

"I had a dream last night," she said softly.

"Yeah?" His voice was equally soft.

She nodded. "I saw Zak. He said not to worry. He'd take of her."

Lee squeezed her hand.

And they both let go.

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Cottle's orders were to take it easy the first week.

In the morning she and Lee substituted their daily jogs for power walking.

The first few days were silent, but on the fifth Lee started whistling that inane jolly, the one about being up with the rising sun. It had been his class' favorite at Academy, and so Kara's class, naturally, had despised it.

"Shut up Lee," she grumbled.

Two minutes later he started humming it.

And then he stared singing. Loudly.

Crewmen looked at him like he was crazy, and Kara moved to the other side of the hall, as if to say, "I'm not with him." Lee simply grinned and started jogging backwards in front of her. She rolled her eyes.

After that, he sang it every morning. Kara countered with her own.

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In the second week they started jogging again.

The nuggets graduated.

Kara would always grumble that Racetrack had pushed for all thirteen to pass. "Did I not show you some of their tests?"

Racetrack had shrugged. "I took all four of them out myself, and they did fine. They might not know theory, but they can fly."

"Fine, they pass." Kara had tossed the folder at her. "But _you_ have to think up their call signs."

With no more nuggets to train, she threw herself into Maintenance. Especially now that the Chief had a new project going.

"Building another Blackbird?" she'd asked when she saw him pouring over the old plans one day.

"Yup."

"Old Man know?"

"He's the one who ordered it."

That news was surprising. "How come?"

Tyrol shrugged. "Don't know. Just said we needed another one." He marked something on the plans. "Laird's already offered to help with the engines; see if we can't improve them from last time. You remember any other problems you had with her?"

"No problems, but if you're making improvements…"

That's where Lee found her when he entered the flight deck for CAP. She and Tyrol were bent over the table, Kara talking animatedly. Chief must have said something, because Kara suddenly broke out into a wild laugh. She caught his eye and froze momentarily, as if she were doing something wrong. As if being happy were wrong. But Lee just smiled and Kara responded in kind. A real, genuine smile that finally reached her eyes.

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"Hold it there….No there…No….FRAK!!"

The Chief glanced over to where Starbuck and a newbie Knuckledragger were working on the Blackbird's FTL. Two weeks into construction orders had come through to put the Cylon Heavy Raider's "brain" in there, and Starbuck, being most familiar with the gooey technology, was given the job of making it work. Poor Mason had simply drawn the short straw.

And now they were covered in engine grease and Cylon…the Chief decided to call it liquid and leave it at that. He didn't want to think about what it _really_ was.

The kid looked green. Starbuck looked pissed.

"What part of 'Hold this tubing' did you not understand, Specialist?"

"Sorry Sir, I…" Mason stuttered, but Starbuck rolled right over him.

"Cause the way you're going, I don't think anyone would miss your scrawny ass, and I know plenty of places to hide a dead body." The kid squeaked as she took a step towards him. "Wouldn't be the first time." She shoved something into his chest. "We need a new gimbal. Think you can fetch without frakking up?"

"Yes Sir, Sir…" But Starbuck was already climbing back under the Blackbird, so the kid ran away to the storage closet.

"She's putting on a good show today," Cally murmured as she walked up behind him.

Tyrol laughed. "Between poor Mason and that other nugget…"

"Spider," Cally supplied the name.

"Right, between those two, we could have sold tickets."

"Well, we're about to get an encore." Cally nodded towards the hanger door. Tyrol followed her gaze.

"Sweet Aphrodite, looks like the honeymoon's over."

Indeed it was, if the look on the CAG's face was any indication. Spine straight, mouth tight, he sought out Starbuck with eyes that would have stopped lesser mortals mid-stride. Having found her, he marched straight to the Blackbird, ignoring all those he passed.

"Starbuck." His tone was terse. "What the hell is this?" He waved a piece of paper down in her line of sight.

Starbuck didn't move. Her voice drawled out from under the bird. "You were gonna have to learn to read someday Apollo. Might as well be today."

Apollo reached down and, grabbing her round the ankles, pulled Starbuck out from under the bird. "Motherfrakker!" She yelled.

He held up the paper. "Did you sign this grounding order?"

"Cut the crap. You know I did."

"You had no authority…."

"I'm Flight Instructor. I can ground a nugget if and when I please."

"He's not _your_ nugget anymore. He's _my_ pilot, which means all decisions go through me. You passed him; it's your fault if he can't fly."

"Oh, he can fly alright," Starbuck scoffed. Then, in Racetrack's direction she yelled, "Someone just forgot to mention he can't land worth a frak."

"I'm putting him back on rotation."

"The hell you are. Look what he did to the bird!"

Apollo's eyes didn't move from hers. "Looks fine."

"What, are you blind, or just stupid?"

The kid was running back through now with the gimbal. Tyrol caught him by the sleeve. "Hold up Mason. Give them a minute."

"You calling your superior officer stupid?" Apollo stepped a little closer to her.

"What if I am?" Starbuck pushed further into his personal space.

"I could put you in hack for that."

"Well, if I'm going there anyway, might as make it worth it." She waved the wrench in his face.

Mason gulped. "Are they…are they going to kill each other?"

Cally laughed. "This is nothing. Just typical Starbuck and Apollo."

The two locked eyes for a tense beat. Apollo's gaze drifted to the wrench, then back to Starbuck.

And the corner of his mouth twitched.

Starbuck cracked before he did, though, air and a bit of spit rushing out of her mouth in a laugh that wasn't quite all formed. Apollo was smiling in earnest now.

"'Make it worth it?' What were you gonna do, Starbuck?"

"You never know." She gave him a playful swat to the face with the other hand, smearing grease and goo on his cheek.

"Kara! I have to pull a shift in CIC."

"Aww, you get used to smell. Eventually." Her eyes danced mischievously before offering him a clean-ish rag.

"How bad's the Viper?"

She shrugged. "It's a little dinged up."

"They're all a little dinged up. Will it fly?"

"Yeah."

"Then he's back on. But…" he spoke over her protest. "But if he misses the trap again, he's all yours."

"Promise?"

He rolled his eyes and handed her back the rag. "Carry on Captain."

She gave a mocking salute and crawled back under the bird.

A few steps away, he called, "Make sure you shower before you come home tonight. You smell like a latrine."

The wrench clattered at his feet.

"Specialist! Where the frak is my gimbal?"

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"Raptors."

"Raptors? That's all I get?"

"Yes, Captain, Raptors." Cottle took a drag of his cigarette as he gave her chart a once over. "It's been five weeks, you're making good progress. But I want you to wait at least one more week before getting into a Viper. I don't know if you're ready for the G's yet."

"What if I promise to be good?"

"Or I could keep you off the rotation entirely…."

Racetrack was more than willing to give up her slot in the CAP rotation.

The second she hit open space, Kara twisted the Raptor into a tight spiral, pulling out of it by performing a few barrel rolls. She whooped in her helmet. She was back where she belonged.

"Warn me next time, will ya?" Buttercup grumbled from the ECO chair. "I almost puked back here."

Hot Dog's laugh filtered through the comms. "Welcome back, Starbuck."

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Six weeks.

Kara stood in the mirror, examining her freshly-showered body.

Six weeks.

Sharon had been right. While not a day went by that Kara didn't find her thoughts drifting to her daughter, she wasn't the first thing on her mind when she woke in the morning. The hurt was still there, but it no longer crippled her soul.

In the six weeks since, she'd retoned her body. Her stomach was almost entirely flat now. She turned to the side. This better be good enough for Cottle…

The hatch swung open behind her and Lee stumbled in, exhausted after flying the grave-yard CAP. He perked up, though, when he saw her standing naked in the head. She met his eyes in the mirror and gave him a little smile before covering up with a towel.

It'd taken almost a week for them to kiss again after their conversation, as if afraid that intimacy would chase the other away. After that, they couldn't _stop_. Lee, predictably, had played the gentleman, refusing to take anything he couldn't return. The result was two increasingly sexually frustrated pilots sharing a bed.

"Hey."

"Hey. How was CAP?"

"Quiet." She felt his eyes on her as she dressed. She really should have done it in the head, but the truth was she liked teasing him too much. "So you're seeing Cottle today?"

"In a couple hours, yeah."

"Think he'll reinstate your"- his eyes roamed up and down her body- "_flight status_?"

"I've been on Raptors for a week."

"Not that flight status."

"Oh…." She straddled him on the bed. "You mean my _frak _status." She emphasized the word with a roll of the hips.

Lee groaned and stood, setting her on her feet. "Cold shower. Now." She laughed as he entered the head. "But if he does clear you, you come right back here."

"You've been up all night. I don't want to wake you up."

"Trust me," he said as he closed the head's door. "I won't be that tired."

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When she didn't return by the time he woke up, five hours later, he was sure it meant she hadn't been cleared. Cursing Cottle, Lee gathered his paperwork and headed to his office.

She was sitting at his desk, feet propped up as she chewed on a pen. "Running a bit late, are we Major?"

"Something I can help you with Captain?"

She swung her legs down and tossed a folder on the desk. "Saw Cottle today."

Lee rounded the desk, twirling the chair so that she faced him. Placing his hands on the armrest, he leaned in. "And what's the good doc say?"

"Read and find out."

"How 'bout you give the short version."

She grinned impishly. "Seems I've been cleared for the three 'F's."

"'Three F's'?" he asked. "And what would those be?"

Kara leaned up. "They would be flying," she gave him a soft kiss on his left cheek, "fighting," kiss on the right, "and frakking." She kissed him full on the lips. Lee pushed her back in the chair as they devoured each other. He gasped as she ran her tongue lightly along his lower lip.

"So, which do you want to do first?" he finally asked.

She cocked an eyebrow as a smirk spread across her face. Only then did Lee notice she was dressed in her flight suit.

Hanging his head in defeat, he sighed. "Fine. Wheels up in forty-five."

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She was never flying a Raptor again. Never, never, never.

How could she have ever thought those buses compared to this? _This_ was the feeling she'd been craving, flying, looping, diving through space, as if she and the Viper had melded together to form one entity.

"Having fun?" She heard Lee's voice in her ear and turned to see him flying beside her.

"You're never gonna get me to come back inside."

He smiled. "So how about you show these nuggets what you're made of? Teach 'em how to do a real Scorpian Twist."

"Fooling off on CAP? Has the stick finally been removed from your ass?" She heard the nuggets- Juggs and Serenity- twitter at that.

"Very funny, Starbuck. Guess if you can't do it…"

He never finished his sentence. Kara twisted her Viper into a tight downward spin. Stars and ships twirled wildly around her. Properly executed, a Scorpian Twist could give even the most seasoned pilot a bad case of vertigo. The trick was to pick a set point and hold it. The fifteenth time Lee's ship passed her field of vision, Kara pulled out of the spin.

"Wow, Sir, that was amazing! Can I try? How'd you do it? Tell me what to do!"

"Calm down Serenity. There's no way I'm teaching you that, not this close to _Colonial One_."

"You could teach them the Southern Spear," Lee said. "I mean, if you remember."

Rolling her eyes, Kara flipped her ship over to get in position to execute the move.

It went on like this for close to an hour. Lee would name a maneuver, and Kara would execute it with textbook precision. At first she thought Lee was simply letting her stretch her wings, as it were. Let her have a bit of fun her first time out. But after the challenged her to do a Double Blind Olympus Flip, she finally caught on. Maneuvering her Viper so that she was upside down above him, she looked Lee straight in the eye.

"Are you testing me Apollo?"

His voice said no, but yes was written all over his face.

"You are! You're seeing if I still got it."

"Well, you've been outta the cockpit for almost a year…"

"I can't believe this Lee. It's like…the student trying to test the master."

He finally realized she wasn't upset. "All due respect, Starbuck, but I think we all know who the better pilot is."

She laughed outright. "In your dreams Apollo. You never could keep up with me." And with that she was gone, weaving between the ships. She didn't have to look back to know Lee was right on her six.

He chased her all through the Fleet, under the _Rising Star_, over the _Gemenon Traveller_ and barely skimming over the _Olympus_. After a while her comm. buzzed to life.

"Sirs, I have a message from _Galactica _Actual."

"Go Hoshi."

"Message reads: Playtime is over. The next CAP needs to launch."

"Copy that _Galactica_." Lee switched to a different frequency. "Time to head back to the nest."

Reluctantly she followed him home. But she was still too pumped, too up from flying. She forgot what a rush it was to fly like that. There was nothing else like it in the universe.

_Almost_ nothing like it, she quickly amended, when she saw Lee waiting for her at the bottom of her ladder, a boyish grin on his face. And for that moment she forgot there was a war on, forgot the heartache of the last six weeks, forgot all the frakking screw-ups she'd ever made. And she realized that her daughter, having never lived, had given her the biggest gift of her life.

She'd given her Lee.

"You have fun out there?" he asked.

Kara didn't answer; she simply grabbed his hand.

They made it to the end of the first corridor before Kara decided their quarters were simply too far away, and dragged him into an empty storage closet.

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A/N: I hope this partially makes up for all the angst. I hope you don't think I healed them too fast, but I didn't want to keep bogging them down. Also, like I wrote, I feel like in their situation, you learn to accept death and move on a bit more quickly than we do here. I guess I can tell you now that this baby's purpose was to get the two of them together. I always intended on her to not be born; I swear this wasn't a stunt to up the angst. NOTHING in this story will be that bad again, I promise. And it does end happy, but not for a while. I don't think I'm spoiling anything by assuring you I don't intend to break up Kara and Lee. There are numerous other fics that do that. What I'm more interested in writing (and seeing on TV) is how these two navigate their relationship in the world in which they live (ie at war).

Again, thanks for all the reviews and words of encouragements.


	29. Chapter 29

Dee gasped as she awoke, a cold sweat trickling down her temples. She felt her heart pounding in her chest, and it took a few seconds before she realized where she was. Something, some dream, had awoken her, but now, by the ambient light of the bunkroom, she couldn't remember what it was.

She rolled over to glance at the clock. 0313. Gaeta wouldn't be coming off shift for almost another three hours. Sighing, Dee quietly slid out of the bunk and slipped on some pants. Calm now though she was, she knew returning to sleep was out of the question.

The hallways were silent; everyone not currently on shift was probably sound asleep in their racks. Even the Rec Room was quiet and dark as she passed by. It wasn't always like this, she remembered. In the first few days and weeks following the attacks, the halls of _Galactica_ had always been full, the Rec Room crammed with pilots at all hours of the day. Sleep was no longer a priority, not with the possibility of sleeping forever constantly looming over their heads.

She made a detour to the Mess before continuing to her final destination- CIC. At this time of night it was only half full, each station manned by only one person instead of the normal two. This, too, had changed since the first attacks. Then CIC was always fully staffed, no matter the time. Now, most night shifts were reserved for rookies and those who drew the short straw.

Which was exactly why Gaeta was now bent over what appeared to be several star charts, writing down vectors and coordinates and other such things she knew nothing about. On their second date she'd asked him to describe how he did it, but somewhere between the physics and the "bending of time" he'd lost her. He actually blushed when he saw her bewildered face, then shyly pulled out a pen and drew her a model on her napkin. When he'd finished, Dee still had no idea how to calculate a jump.

But she did know that she'd fallen for him.

"So where we going next?" She asked softly beside him as she handed him the coffee she'd picked up in the Mess. "Somewhere warm, I hope."

"Hmmm," Gaeta murmured as he took a long sip of the coffee. "Hope you packed your bathing suit." As inconspicuously as possible, he slid his free hand into hers and gave it a brief squeeze. "What are you doing up?"

Dee shrugged. "Couldn't sleep. And I figured you could use a fresh cup." She nodded to his old coffee, which had long since gone cold.

"Yeah, this stuff is only bearable when it's hot." He took another long gulp and grimaced. "And then only barely." Setting the mug down, he returned to the star charts. "So which sounds better to you- System 5-8-2-Beta or 6-3-9-Gamma?" When she didn't respond after a few moments he looked up from his work. She was staring at DRADIS, mouth slightly agape. "Everything ok? Dee? Ana?"

At her given name Dee's eyes snapped to him. "What? Oh…Sorry….I guess I kinda…."

"Zoned out?"

"Yeah."

"You should go back to sleep."

"Yeah, I will…" Her gaze returned to the large console. "In a minute…I just feel like…"

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Like, déjà vu. Like something's about to happen."

"Ok." Gaeta looked at her skeptically for a moment, then returned to his star charts.

For several minutes CIC operated in quiet. Then-

"Contact!"

Gaeta's head snapped up at the sound of Dee's voice. "What?"

"Single point, looks like a Raider." There it was, flashing on the screen. That's what she'd been waiting for, wasn't it? Dee tried to shake the feeling in the back of her mind that something more was coming.

"Probably a scout," Gaeta muttered. Turning to the comms officer, he said in a louder voice, "Notify the CAP and get the Alert Fighters launched."

"He jumped!" Dee pointed. "Look." DRADIS was blank.

"Should we stand down Sir?" Bates asked from the comms desk.

"Not yet."

"This doesn't feel right Felix," Dee whispered as they both stared at the console. "Why would he jump like that?"

"I'm not sure I want to know. But it can't be-"

Just then DRADIS lit up.

"Multiple contacts. Two basestars…" This was it, the feeling that had woken her. Dee found herself once again uttering those fateful words. "They found us."

She and Gaeta stared at one another for the briefest of moments. They were veterans, they'd done this before. Just never without Tigh or the Old Man around.

Then instinct kicked in.

Gaeta grabbed the phone. "Action Stations, Actions Stations. Set Condition One throughout the ship. Repeat, this is not a drill." Turning to CIC, he barked out orders in quick succession. "Get the fighters up in the air. Spool up the FTL. Contact all ships and have them jump to Delta Coordinates."

From up on her desk Bates looked lost and terrified as she pushed buttons seemingly at random. "Frak, frak…"

Dee was already at her side. "Let me." She tried not to sound pushy, but this was no time to worry about stepping on some rook's toes.

Bates handed over the comms willingly. "I'm sorry; I've only been here two weeks…" She gave CIC one last bewildered look before taking off, running as fast as she could out the door.

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Lee grabbed the sleeve of the first deckhand he saw. "Sit-rep."

"I don't know sir, I just got here."

"Apollo!" He turned at the call of his name. The Chief was waving him over.

"We know what the frak's going on?"

"Got CIC on the line. I got here five minutes ago; CAP is on an intercept course. We're getting the last of the Alert Fighters out now. Here." He handed him the phone.

"Apollo."

"Lee." Dee's voice was strained and Lee could barely hear her over the noise on the deck.

"Say again."

"I said we've got two basestars. They've both launched Raiders. Admiral's ordering all birds in the air."

"How long?"

"Several ships are reporting trouble with their FTLs."

"How long?"

"I- I don't know."

Lee punched the wall. The Cylons had caught them with their pants down. "We'll keep them off the civilians as long as we can. Apollo out." Hanging up the phone, he turned to Tyrol. "Launch them all."

"Sir." Tyrol started shouting orders to his crew. "Get those launched! Start moving those towards the tubes. Move people, now! Everybody's wings up!"

Lee gave himself a second to look around the Hanger Bay. Kara had been right beside him since the alarms sounded, but he'd lost track of her when they arrived here. He found her quickly. She was near the entrance, issuing last minute instructions to a group of former nuggets who had just arrived. He reached her side just as she dismissed them to their birds.

"What we got?" she asked as they jogged to their Vipers. He couldn't help but notice a gleam in her eyes.

"Two basestars."

Now she was actually smiling. "Payback's gonna be a bitch," she muttered.

It suddenly hit Lee that the last time she'd seen combat, she'd been taken. No matter how others might believe she'd mellowed since her return, Lee knew better- Kara was Kara, and she was itching for revenge.

"Hey." He pulled her close at her bird.

"What Lee? We gotta go."

He knew that. He also knew her. She'd never let him forget it if he went soft right before combat. So he said the only thing he could. "Good hunting, Starbuck."

She winked, but he knew she'd understood the deeper meaning. "Try to keep up, Apollo." And then she was gone, leaping up her ladder and jumping into the cockpit.

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It was even worse than he'd imagined.

_Galactica_ provided some cover from the basestars, but the pilots were on their own when it came to the Raiders. The older ones were handling themselves well; Lee was glad to know that they hadn't completely forgotten their training. But the nuggets- both this new class and the one before them- were experiencing a baptismal by fire. None of them had even been on board _Galactica_ last time the Cylons had attacked with this much force.

Lee could only hope some of them made it back alive.

He was vaguely aware of the ships jumping around him. But they were going too slow, and there were still too many that seemed to be stuck.

And if all that wasn't enough, the Raider currently on his six refused to be lost. It was like they were toying with them. Out of the corner of his eye he saw an explosion, but couldn't tell if the cause was Cylon or Colonial. _That's how you're gonna end up, if you don't get it together Lee…._

His console beeped. The Raider had him in its sights. "Frakfrakfrak…"

"Bank right Lee now. Right NOW!!"

Out of instinct he obeyed her voice. Out of nowhere Kara's Viper swung into view in front of him, also twisted on its side. Had their wheels been extended, Lee was sure they would have brushed together. Guns blazing, she took out the Raider with a banshee scream. "Frak you bitches!!"

But before he could respond, both their ships were rocked by a nearby explosion. He heard several screams cut out, and then several voices talking over themselves on the wireless.

"Serenity!" Kara's voice barked out, overpowering the other voices in his earpiece. "Shut the frak up, get a hold of yourself, or you're dead. All of you, focus!"

Lee twisted his Viper around toward the source of the explosion, and immediately wished he hadn't. Half of a smaller civilian ship was battered and charred. The other half no longer existed. Intermingled with all of this were the remains of several Vipers that had just happened to be too close when the Cylons took it out.

Before it could all register, he heard Dee's voice again. "_Galactica_ to all fighters. Come on home. Repeat, come home, combat landings."

He watched as the remaining Vipers turned and sped back to _Galactica_. Kara flipped back, firing volleys indiscriminately towards the Raiders, who now seemed to have lost interest in fighting. Her comm. was cut, but Lee could imagine the curses she was firing as well.

She was the last to land, and as she made the trap _Galactica_ jumped.

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Every bird that landed was in need of some kind of repair. The same could have been said for a few of the pilots. As he descended his ladder Lee glanced at the clock. 0407.

The attack had lasted little over half an hour.

Tyrol was making his rounds, double checking which ships had come home and which had been lost. Lee knew he should join him, but that would have to wait. There was a pilot he needed to see first.

He'd seen Kara land, of course, but a part of him needed to see her, with his own eyes, before he could deal with the other tasks that lay before him. Make sure she was really there and not- well, to make sure this wasn't like last time.

She was still in the cockpit, head bent down, hands buried in her scalp- a picture of angry frustration. She moved suddenly, slapping the console before finally exiting the Viper. Her face told it all- she was pissed.

The nugget parked across from her finally tumbled out of her Viper, face streaked with tears, and proceeded to throw up. Kara's attention immediately turned to the nugget. Lee groaned inwardly. The last thing that kid needed right now was a verbal smackdown from Starbuck.

"Kara!" he called, but she ignored him, continuing on her intercept path toward the poor kid, who was now in the midst of dry heaving.

And then she did something Lee would have never thought her capable of.

Kara laid one hand gently on the nugget's back, while with the other she gathered the loosened strands of hair out of the other's face. Standing next to each other, Lee could see now that the nugget was small, almost petite. Juggs, he remembered, the youngest of the nuggets, so named because, as Kara had put it, "The kid's flatter than Hot Dog." He couldn't hear what Kara was saying, but whatever it was, it calmed the girl down.

"Sir." The Chief was at his side, handing him a clipboard. "Here's the preliminary report."

"How bad?"

"It could have been worse. We're starting repairs on the far end."

"Get whatever pilots you need to help you."

Tyrol nodded. "You know the worst part? I'd almost started believing they were just gonna leave us alone. Stupid, huh?"

"We all thought that, Chief. All of us."

"Yeah, well…." Tyrol's thought faded off as he walked away.

Juggs was now cleaning her mess as Kara headed towards him. "How is she?"

Kara glanced back at the nugget. "She was right next to the ship that exploded. Saw Spider's face when the missile hit. But she's tougher than she looks." She nodded at the clipboard. "How many did we lose?"

"Seven."

"Huh." She bit her bottom lip unconsciously. "I kinda thought…"

"It'd be more?"

"Yeah."

Lee nodded. "Me too."

"All nuggets?"

"Four. Not all." Across the Hanger Bay Buttercup sat on the ramp of her and Racetrack's Raptor, weeping openly. "Frosty didn't make it."

"Frakkin' toasters," she muttered, taking the list from him and flipping through it herself.

"Chief's starting repairs up there."

"Ok," she handed the clipboard back to him. "I'll gather up the nuggets and get them started." Over her shoulder she added, "And you can thank me later, Apollo."

"I didn't need your help."

Kara rolled her eyes. "Right."

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It was nearly half-past seven by the time they finally returned to quarters. Lee immediately collapsed on the bed, not even bothering to strip off his flightsuit. "Great," he groaned. "CIC in two hours."

"Yeah, well, you're getting no sympathy from me," Kara said as she shrugged out of the clingy material. "The frakkin' CAG has me scheduled for CAP in-" she glanced at the clock- "thirty-four minutes."

"I'll cover for you." The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. Kara whirled around from the lockers and glared at him, clearly insulted. "Never mind, forget I said anything." He stretched out on the bed and rubbed his face.

"I'm jumping in the shower. No way I can go back up feeling like this."

"Uh-huh," he muttered.

Seconds later he heard the sound of running water. It was oddly soothing, especially after what had just happened.

They'd been caught off guard, all of them. The Cylons had been away for so long; everyone had started to believe, like the Chief had said, that maybe they were gone for good. Tonight had proven them all wrong. It was a brutal reminder that they were still at war; that life was still fragile.

Kara's words from years ago ran back through his mind.

He jumped out of bed and threw off his flightsuit. She didn't move as he opened the shower door and stepped in, but he felt her body mold against his as he wrapped his arms around her.

"Bout time," she said teasingly. "I thought I was losing my touch."

"Never," he whispered, gently kissing her shoulder. For a few minutes they just stood there, letting the water wash the battle from their skin. "Thanks."

Kara nuzzled her face against his neck. "Anytime."


	30. Chapter 30

A/N: Yet another apology for the long time between updates. I found this one quite hard to push out. It's 12 pages in Word. Plus, this hiatus-from-hell hasn't helped; I felt like I couldn't get the characters and their voices down, so it took some time. If you're still reading, let me know. School will be over in a month (yay!).

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_One hundred thirty-nine._

The number of souls aboard the _Celeste_. She'd been a shuttle cruiser from Virgon. Now….

_Seven._

The number of pilots lost in the fight. She hated herself a little for thinking it, but it was also the number of Vipers lost. Both were irreplaceable.

_One hundred forty-six_.

The total number Laura subtracted from the board.

_One hundred forty-six._

It never got easier, watching that number dwindle and decline. It went up so rarely, and then only by ones and twos. But when it went down…

One hundred forty-six less people in the Fleet, less people in the human race.

One hundred forty-six less survivors.

"Madame President."

Laura didn't move. She simply continued staring at the new number. "Yes Tory."

"Admiral Adama is here."

"Send him in," she said, wondering why after all this time she and Adama still tacitly insisted on following protocols such as this.

"Madame President."

Funny how the same words could be spoken in such different ways. Tory always spoke them in a no-nonsense tone, crisp and clear. Spoken now by him, they conveyed an entirely different message. He said them with respect, with empathy, with understanding. Understanding that, when all was said and done, humanity's fate rested on their mutual shoulders.

That humanity's fate rested on what they decided, in this room, in this moment.

He was standing, waiting for her to turn, to give him leave to sit. She did this wordlessly, motioning to a nearby chair. She chose not to sit behind her desk, opting instead for one across from him. She knew him well, knew why he was here. This was not a protocol meeting.

"Give your people my condolences. I heard you lost seven pilots."

"We were lucky. It should have been more."

She leaned her head back and closed her eyes. "They were gone for so long. Why now?"

"They knew we'd be unprepared." Adama's voice was gruff. "We all knew they'd be back, but…"

"But we all hoped they wouldn't," she finished for him, opening her eyes.

He shifted slightly in his seat. "I've gotten reports back from some pilots, reports that the Raiders were acting strange, different. They didn't follow when the Vipers retreated. They didn't attack as strong as they should have." He paused before continuing. "They were toying with us." His voice was laced with anger. "They know now they don't need to attack constantly. Just often enough, and with enough force, to make us panicked. Paranoid. Few more like these and we'll be turning on each other." He looked her straight in the eyes. "We need to discuss what the Six told us."

Laura stood and crossed slowly to the window, arms folded across her chest. Outside she could see the remnants of the Fleet, floating silently among the stars. "This is all we have left. All that we are. Can we really sacrifice it on the chance that she's telling the truth?"

"The Blackbird's been complete for two weeks. They're testing its FTL as we speak."

Laura turned sharply. "Sounds like you've made your decision, then, Admiral."

"Testing the FTL needed to be done no matter what we decide." He sighed. "But yes, I think we should use it. Send it on a Recon mission. I want to see what we're up against."

"And then?"

Adama joined her at the window and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. "I'm tired of running away. I want to end this. I want us to live in peace."

"If this fails, that's it. We'll be extinct."

"I like that better than the alternative. Better it be quick, instead of them chipping away at what's left of our civilization."

Laura's gaze drifted to the board. One hundred forty-six. Next time there would be more, falling like drops in a bucket until it was eventually filled.

"When will your people be ready?"

If Adama was surprised by her acquiescence, he didn't show it. "Twenty-four hours on the outside. We'll know more once the Blackbird's back. Gaeta will need to prep the Six, find a way to plug her in for the coordinates."

"That's quick."

"They think we're vulnerable now. I want to strike while they think we're down."

Humanity's fate rested on what they decided, in this room, in this moment.

Laura looked Adama in the eyes. "Do it."

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From his perch above the Hanger Bay Adama watched as the deckhands maneuvered the Blackbird into its spot. The ship's canopy popped and her pilot climbed out.

"Do it," the president had said. And Adama had every intention to "do it." Truth be told, he'd been itching for a fight since the algae planet, waiting for a chance to punch those smug bastards in the proverbial nose.

The pilot was out now, talking to the Chief.

The first FTL test had proven successful. Adama had seen eyebrows raise when he ordered a second a mere three hours after the first had finished. If there hadn't been rumors before about an Op., there definitely were now.

Adjusting his jacket, he made his way for the stairs.

Time to roll the hard six.

"Mr. Gaeta," he called as the young man stepped out Athena's Raptor. He looked almost comical in his borrowed flightsuit. "How did it go?"

Gaeta handed him a clipboard thick with papers. "We only went out as far as the Raptor could take us. But she'll make the jumps, Sir. The computer readouts indicate that calculating a much farther jump is possible."

"But?"

"But the navigation systems and FTL will need time to reboot after each jump. It can't just jump continuously."

"How long?"

"Two hours. Maybe three."

Adama sighed. The mission had just become a lot more complicated. "And plotting the jumps?"

Gaeta indicated to something further down the page. "I uploaded this algorithm into the Blackbird's nav computer. She'll just have to input the coordinates for each jump, and the computer will plot it."

"How long til you'll have them?"

"I was on my way to that now, Sir."

"Good." Adama handed Gaeta the papers. "Nice work, Lieutenant."

Gaeta smiled. "Thank you Sir." Offering a quick salute, he left the deck.

Adama watched him leave before turning back to the real reason he'd come down.

"Starbuck."

Kara was inspecting the Blackbird, running over her post-flight checklist. "Hey Boss." She smiled at him.

"How's she flying?"

"Great. Thrusters are strong, she turns on a cubit." She gave the nose of the ship a little pat. "I think she's even better than the original."

Adama ran his hand over the smooth plating on the side. "She's a good little ship."

"Hm." Kara nodded and crossed her arms. "So when's the Op.?"

"What makes you think I'm planning one?"

"Oh come on Sir. Rumor mill's going crazy. Two FTL tests on the stealth ship hours after a Cylon attack?"

She had slight circles under her eyes, but they still shone with that unmistakable Starbuck twinkle. "You look tired."

"Yeah, well," she shrugged and grinned. "We'll sleep when we're dead."

"Hopefully not for a while." He regarded the Blackbird once more, then turned to Kara. "Grab a shower. Then report to my quarters. I have a mission for you."

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"Pass the word. Major Adama to Admiral's Quarters. Pass the word."

_Looks like the rumor mill got it right for once._ Lee quickly signed off on the latest requisitioning form, adding it to the pile of completed paperwork. The ship had been buzzing all afternoon that there was an Op. in the works. Pilots had looked at him skeptically when he told them he knew just as much about it as they did. And really, all he knew was that Kara had been called off mid-CAP to test the Blackbird's FTL. Private Karnes swore he saw the Cylon prisoner being removed from her cell shortly thereafter, but everyone knew Karnes was full of shit, so Lee put no real stock in that. The weird part was Kara going back out for a second test, this time with Gaeta watching from Athena's bird.

The door was ajar but Lee knocked anyways. "Come in."

"Sir."

"Have a seat Major." Adama motioned to the couch, where Kara was already sitting. Lee's surprise at seeing her wasn't missed by the elder Adama. "I asked Kara to join us. She's been telling me about the Blackbird." Lee had barely sat beside her when Adama began again. "I'll get right to the point. Nine weeks ago the Cylon prisoner told us about their fall-back line- a space station that follows several jumps behind their fleet."

"You're planning an attack," Lee stated.

"Not yet. This one's strictly Recon." He handed Lee a folder. "The Blackbird's been fitted with a Cylon nav system and FTL. It will take seven jumps there, seven jumps back, with about two hours downtime between each jump. Plus the time for Recon."

Lee whistled through his teeth. "That's almost thirty hours."

"I guess I'll finally get to catch up on my reading," Kara said wryly.

Lee looked up slowly from the papers. "You?"

She straightened her shoulders. "Yeah. Me."

Lee forced a small laugh. "Can you head get any bigger Starbuck? You think I'm going to just give this to you?"

"I already have." Adama spoke in such a way that challenged Lee to question him.

Unfortunately, Lee never could back down from a challenge.

He threw the papers on the coffee table. "Well, then why am I here Dad? Sounds like you got everything planned out already."

"If this is going to be a problem…."

"No, no problem. I just wished you'd checked with me first, Admiral. Then you'd know that Starbuck isn't ready for this mission."

"Don't you dare," she hissed.

If Adama heard her, he ignored it, focusing only on Lee. "She's the only one who's tested this Blackbird. She's also the only one to fly the old one on a mission of this type. There's no other pilot with her qualifications."

"No other pilot? Dad, I flew that damn thing- _in combat_."

Kara snorted. "Sorry, he meant flew it _successfully_."

"You stay out of this," Lee ordered.

"_Excuse me?!_" Her voice went slightly shrill, but Lee talked over her.

"Starbuck just came back to the rotation. She's not combat ready."

"Oh you motherfrakker!" Kara was on her feet. "I was 'combat ready' enough last night when I took out five toasters and still managed to save your sorry ass."

Lee jumped up as well, as the two started shouting. "You think I wanted to let you go out there?"

"Let me? You let me? I'm the best frakkin' pilot you got-"

"Missions go through your CO-"

"It did go through my CO!" She pointed at Adama. "You're just pissed because I didn't ask you!"

"Well, maybe you should."

"What, I need your permission do my frakkin' job?" Both seemed to have forgotten Adama was in the room, watching them silently.

"You don't get to make these decisions by yourself anymore Kara. Not ones this big."

"If you think you get to start controlling my life just because we're sleeping-"

"That's enough!" Both jumped as Adama's voice pierced through their shouts. "Captain Thrace, you're excused."

"But-"

"Now."

Kara saluted then stormed out, making sure to ram her shoulder into Lee's as she left. The door slammed behind her.

"Sit back down." Adama removed his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "There are some things a father just doesn't need to know," he muttered to himself.

"Sir?" Lee asked.

"Nothing. Do you want a drink?"

"Yeah, um…ok." Lee wasn't sure where his father was going with this. He'd thought for sure, now with Kara out of the room, he'd be getting a very pointed lecture.

Adama handed his son a glasses of watered-down liquor. He took a small sip himself before he started speaking. "I asked Kara earlier, myself, because I had a feeling this would be something you'd have a hard time with. Based on what I saw, apparently I was right."

"Dad-"

"Let me finish." He took another sip. "Being in command means sending out the best person to do a job. It also means protecting the ones you love. Sometimes those things come in conflict with each other. Even after all we've been through, I still hate sending you two out there, everyday. But I do it because I know the only chance we have of survival is if I do. I'm not asking you to like this Lee, because I don't like it. But it's the decisions we have to make. This can't become a problem." He eyed him carefully. "Understood?"

Lee knew there'd be no changing his mind, and that he really had no right to do so in the first place. He hated it, but he understood. "Yes Sir."

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A few hours later, Kara marched into his office. She dumped a stack of papers on his desk. "Final reports on the Blackbird." The words were barely out of her mouth before she spun on her heels to leave.

"How much longer you gonna keep this up?" he asked.

"Don't know. Til I'm _combat ready_?" she seethed.

Lee sighed and stood up. "Come on Kara..."

She turned back to him, anger clearly evident in her eyes. "No, you come on Lee. What you said in there, that dramatic little outburst." She ran her hands from her face to the crown of her head. "This is why they invented the frakkin' frat regs in the first place," she muttered.

"Don't hide behind that Kara." His tone was warning as he skirted the desk to stand before her. "This is between you and me."

"No, Lee. That's your problem. This isn't about you and me, this is about Apollo," she pushed against his shoulder, "and Starbuck." She slapped her hand across her chest.

"When are you going to learn that they're the same people?"

"When are you going to learn that the only way this can work is if they aren't?" she countered. "I mean, for Godssake Lee." Her voice had a strange laughing quality to it. "You never had a problem sending me out there before this happened." She moved her hand between the two to them.

"Never had a problem!" He gripped her by the shoulders. "You think it's ever been easy for me to watch you go out there? For it to be _me_ to send you out there?" She tried to shrug off his hands but he only tightened his hold. "Every time- every time Kara- it takes a piece of me. Especially after you crashed on that moon. Especially after Caprica…"

"Frak you!" She wrenched herself out of his grasp. "You sent me on this same mission Lee. And it was after Caprica…"

"That was different!"

"How?!" She threw up her hands in exasperation. "How was it different? I jumped, I took some pictures, I came home."

"You jumped once. Not fourteen frakking times!" He pointed to his desk where the mission plans still lay. "This is so much more dangerous, and if you can't see that…"

"How dangerous? Huh? As dangerous as setting off a nuke on a ship? That dangerous, Lee?" He felt himself growing pale at her words. "Cause I'm pretty sure you wanted me to do that too."

He let out a shaky breath before he could respond. He still couldn't think back to that day without shuddering at what would have happened if Shaw… "I thought we were over that," he finally whispered.

She refused to meet his eyes for a moment, staring instead at a low spot on the wall behind him. "If you could ask me to do that," she said levelly, "then you have to be able to let me do this."

"I didn't have a choice then."

"Don't have one now either."

"What do you want me to say Kara? I'm sorry? Fine, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I the way I see you has changed."

"Oh Gods," she groaned. "I am so sick of this obsessive over-protective bullshit Lee. I came back. Get over it. I did."

"It's not the dead thing."

"Then what?"

Lee bit his tongue and turned back to the desk. "Forget it."

She grabbed his arm, forcing him back. "Then what?"

"You don't want to know."

"What, cause we're frakking now?" Her tone was positively mocking. "Cause your feelings have changed? Cause you lo-"

"You weren't a mother before!" The words were tearing through his throat before he could stop them. The office went silent as Kara stared at him, temporarily dumbstruck. Lee closed his eyes, waiting for her left hook.

The punch never came. Instead there was the sharp sound of metal on metal as a chair crashed into the nearest wall, and then heavy footsteps towards to hatch. Lee opened his eyes in time to see her slam it shut behind her.

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Right. Right. Left. RightLeftRightLeft.

The old gym bag had looked like it was about to come apart at the seams when she took her first whack at it, but the duct tape was military issue and it was holding so far. Which was a good thing, because Kara knew if she ever lost this bag, there would be a spike in mysterious deaths aboard the _Galactica_.

She felt his presence before she saw him around the bag. He'd closed the door behind him but hadn't advanced far into the room. "What'd that bag ever do to you?" His voice had that same damn quality it always had after a fight. A fight in which he knew he'd frakked up, and was trying to make it up to her by being overly, irritatingly charming.

She answered with few quick jabs to the bag.

"Hm." Lee cocked his head and took a few steps closer to her. "Want a live body?"

"Go the frak away Lee." Left. Left. Right. "I came in here"- Left- "so I wouldn't do this"- RightRightLeftRight- "to you." She finished with a kick that sent the bag reeling. "Got it?"

He didn't answer, just gave a one-shoulder shrug but made no move to leave. She stared at him for a handful of seconds before turning her attention back to the bag. After another minute she saw him move to the bench nearby, elbows on his knees, head in his hands. She tried to ignore him, but the silence was unnerving as hell.

Finally Lee let out a long breath and lifted his head, staring at a spot on the wall in front of him so that all she could see was his profile. "I just didn't….I didn't think it would be this hard." While he spoke Kara continued working the bag, but her punches gradually lessened in both force and frequency. "Flying combat, sending you out on missions. And it's not that I cared about you any less or more than I do now, it's just…I mean, frak, Kara, when I lost you before we weren't even speaking and now, with everything that's happened….If I lost you again, it'd be worse, because it just won't be you that's gone. It'll be our entire future, and I've seen it and I've held it and…." Lee's voice faded away, as if it were an engine that had run out of steam.

The silence of the gym was punctuated only by her jabs to the bag. When she spoke, her voice was pitched low, rough. "Her due date was last week."

"Yeah," Lee breathed. "I know."

"If she'd…" Kara's voice and rhythm faltered slightly. "If she'd, you know. We wouldn't even be talking about this." They'd be squirreled away in their quarters, their ten-day old daughter tucked securely between them on the bed. There'd have been no Blackbird to test, no mission to complete.

Lee's words pulled her out of her thoughts. "I guess I'd be saying bye to you to about now."

"Yeah." The word came out in a grunt and she renewed her assault on the bag. "Maybe." Suddenly she blurted out, "Leoben knew this would happen."

Lee's head snapped towards her, his face contorted with rage and horror. "What?"

_Frak_. But it was too late to take it back now. Kara continued working at the bag as she spoke. "I saw him, in some dream I had. After." She left out the part about Hera. "Said he knew this would happen, that it had to happen. You know, Kara and her Special Destiny-" she gave the bag a ferocious punch- "Find Earth, keep the faith. Which is all bull, right?" She didn't give Lee a chance to answer; instead, her words and actions began to accelerate as, suddenly, everything that had happened in the last few weeks- in the last year, really- clicked into place. "Except if everything had gone ok, if she'd been born normal and healthy and happy, I wouldn't be able to go on this mission, and we both know I'm the only one who can really get it done. So we'd be sending you out, or some other pilot who didn't know what the frak he was doing. But-" and now the path was clearer, she could see the end, and she was cursing Leoben for being right- "But it was the Six in the cage that told the Old Man where to find this Cylon base or whatever it is. And she told him after I kicked her ass. He told me, before you came in, that she looked guilty. So I don't know Lee. Maybe…maybe this is what he meant."

Lee has stared silently at her throughout her speech, but now he laughed- a sound that was empty and hollow. He dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. "Kara, you said yourself it was a dream. He was always frakking with your mind. You don't really believe any of that, do you?" He actually sounded worried.

They stared at each other for a moment. Kara slowly removed the thin protective gloves from her hands and sat next to him on the bench, facing the opposite direction. "Yeah," she said softly. "I do. I have to."

"Why?"

"Because." Her voice caught in her throat. "Because I can't let her….Because I can't accept that she just died. There has to be a greater reason. A bigger plan. It can't just be an accident. I have to believe the gods had a reason."

"I don't believe in the gods, Kara." Lee sounded almost regretful. "I don't believe in destiny or fate or miracles or any of that."

"Then believe in me."

"This was never about your flying skills…"

"Hey." She turned toward him, straddling the bench. She nudged his knee to do the same. "Look at me." Once he had moved and they were face to face she took his hands in hers. "I'm going to come back, ok? I know this one's long and kinda dangerous, but it's not a suicide mission, ok? Plus," she added cheekily, "I'm not the one who's constantly breaking my ships."

That got him to smile a little bit. "You're never going to let me live that down, are you?"

"Not anytime soon." She reached up to cup his face in her hands. She kissed him gently on his forehead, then touched her own to the spot. "I'm gonna come back, Lee, because I love you too much not to." His eyes widened at this, and she knew he was thinking the same thing she was- this was the first time since New Caprica either had said those words. His look of wonder emboldened her to say them again. Her lips grazed against his and she whispered, "I love you, Lee."

Strong arms snaked around her back as he pulled her close. "I love you too," he whispered in her ear. "I love you too."

And nothing else needed to be said.


End file.
